I phoned the police

[Chocolatethief]

When I was 12 I was sexually assaulted one night and tonight I phoned the police and reported it. They are going to contact me today hopefully to sort out a statement. I'm terrified about doing this and everything that comes after it. I'm scared they will press charges and scared they wont. What if it's happened to someone else and I didn't speak up quickly enough to stop it. It was 10 years ago, I cant believe I have done it. It was a sudden thing to do I didn't think about it I just did it. I'm so scared and kinda want to back out I dont want to go into details but I will have to.

They have made a decision and I think ita whether it's going to CPS, they are coming in the morning and I'm shitting myself and convinced it's not going anywhere, scared I'm not going to cope if that's the case just wish I had never done this right now.

Don't be scared. You did the right thing. Hang on in there.

I feel like such a failure it's not going anywhere they said it's not because they dont believe me but the evidence wont go anywhere. I dont know how to process this or cope with it.

Chocolate thief..i had similar, they believed me but there wasn't evidence.
Years later and I really have taken comfort over having reported and been believed. It was a beginning of closure for me.
You need some counselling now, police should have victim support contact you, but I'd say try a rape crisis centre or if you can afford it, go private.

Honestly, I promise you it will not always feel like this.
Life will get better.

If and when someone else comes forward, the police could put both reports together and that would constitute evidence wouldn't it? You've done as much as you can, and it's a really hard thing to do. Good on you.

You’ve done everything you could. Well done for being so brave - and in the face of lots of discouragement too. You did it, and as a PP says it could form a part of a picture once other assaults are reported.

You did the right thing

I am having counselling via victim support and get on well with the counsellor, dont know what to do when my 8 sessions are up as I think I only have a couple more. Cant afford to go private as I'm on esa. Feel so defeated and my mental health has spiralled

Its vital you have that support in place.

Its not your responsibility, you have reported it now, whether or not anything comes of it is out of your hands, you have done all you can, which was very hard to do.

Going ahead with such a case can cause severe ptsd, and I wouldn't blithely advise anyone do this because of the potential permanent harm it can do.

I glad the police have been sensitive enough to acknowledge to you that this isn't a matter of not believing you, but that simply they don't view this as sufficient evidence (I completely disagree with them because your evidence is your statement, the same as any trial, its very poor, but you can see what causes so few to be brought to justice).

You have had a huge almost revelation to have all this come back into your daily conscious and to have openly spoken about it, on here as well as to the police. Take things slowly, eek oit your last sessions so you have a bigger gap between them and go to your gp for an urgent referral.

I am so sorry you have had these awful experiences, it seems that your brain is now choosing for you to deal with them, the worst bit is the first bit.

All the intensity is now, try to keep things slow and gradual, make sure you up the amount of exercise you do, and the looking after yourself nutritionally and with comforts, quiet times, and some really good relaxation, to balance the times of anxiety so your mind and body can really rest.

Have you spoken to rape crisis as they will offer specialist counselling?

The reason they couldn't go forward was because I had said someone had seen him enter the room and where I was sleeping but when they spoke to that person they said they dont remember and that's where the issue is, it would have been easier to get a conviction if I hadn't said about that person but obviously I included everything as I have no motive and dont gain anything from reporting it and I dont its been so hard and so draining. Already under mental health services and rang them earlier who were useless but going to ring my care co in the morning and counselling is today as well so hopefully that will help. Not contacted rape crisis can they help even though I wasnt raped.

If it was meaningless to that person they wouldn't remember, but entering a girls bedroom is a noticeable thing unless that person was assumed to be unremarkable, or that the witness was protecting, in which case it needs further investigation.

Did that person confirm your attacker would have been there, saw him that day, placed him at the scene?

Yes certainly crisis services would help, phone them.

They are admitting to being around me just denying anything happened and I know I think they are also still friends with the sister so I knew there was a chance of th not remembering or not saying if they did. I have had a look on the website and there isn't a center near me but will give them a ring when they open.

I cant cope, cant cope with the flashbacks that's are happening so much tonight and feel so low, no one cares no one wants to help have been told well not I can move on, how am i suppose to move on i now feel like I'm going to live in fear for the rest of my life about it happening to someone else and finding out. I just want it all to stop. I dont want to do this anymore

You have done everything you possibly can, the rest is out of your hands. You should have no guilt at all. And you should be proud of yourself for being brave and trying your best. I hope that your therapy went well and is continuing. And that you have support. People do care, I am sure.

Hugs, Chocolate.

What you’re going through sounds horrendous.

Is there anything kind you can do for yourself?

I'm trying to take things easy got myself some chocolate tea cakes earlier but dont fancy them, been watching shows on my phone while in bed and doing some puzzles to try and distract my mind but it's not working, have emailed the samaritans but obviously they take up to 24 hours for a response

You could always ring them if you’re feeling really desperate 116 123.

Saying that, I’ve been given their number a few times by counsellors etc and never been quite brave enough to use it.

It’s great that you’ve sent them an email though.

Virtual handhold. You are courageous.

Well done OP. Please don't beat yourself up for not reporting it sooner. You were very young and it must have been awful for you. You have spoken up now and I admire you for that. Hope it all goes well.

offering a virtual handhold too,

Another handhold. You're an inspiration, so brave. I never reported my abuse, so I tip my head to you in admiration.

While this hasn't been pursued it is there if anyone else comes forward and may support police action in a future case. You did the right thing.

Another handhold

You can get though this. Bad days are too be expected but I promise good days will come.
Just keep holding on.

You have done the most bravest strongest thing imaginable and now you need too heal.
Xxxx

Please call the Samaritans xxx

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources.

As you know, you can also go to the Samaritans website, or email them on [email protected].

Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

All the best and take care. We're going to move this to the Mental Health topic now.