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Mental health

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Original poster

I phoned the police

73 replies

Chocolatethief · 25/08/2019 04:54

When I was 12 I was sexually assaulted one night and tonight I phoned the police and reported it. They are going to contact me today hopefully to sort out a statement. I'm terrified about doing this and everything that comes after it. I'm scared they will press charges and scared they wont. What if it's happened to someone else and I didn't speak up quickly enough to stop it. It was 10 years ago, I cant believe I have done it. It was a sudden thing to do I didn't think about it I just did it. I'm so scared and kinda want to back out I dont want to go into details but I will have to.

OP posts:

Original poster

Chocolatethief · 02/09/2019 21:53

I'm still waiting for the police to contact me it's been over a week and I'm getting more and more scared. I feel like I shouldn't have rung because they must have better things to be doing and am tempted to ring up and say I dont want to go any further with it.

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ColdAndSad · 03/09/2019 06:50

Please don't be scared. You've done the right thing. The police don't have anything better to do: investigating your assault is exactly what they're here for.

Chewysmum · 03/09/2019 08:26

Well done, very brave thing to do. And 10 years is nothing these days, people get prosecuted for much older offenses all the time, i hope he gets punished, I know from what I've read that simply going through the prosecution process can make a victim feel much more empowered, even if the asshole ends up being aquitted. I hope it helps you move on.
Thinking about you x

SummerHouse · 03/09/2019 08:30

You are not responsible for the actions of this man, he is.

My advice to you is get in touch with your SARC (sexual assault referral clinic). They are independent of the police but will give you the help you need and support you in reporting or not reporting.

SummerHouse · 03/09/2019 08:34

www.nhs.uk/Service-Search/Rape-and-sexual-assault-referral-centres/LocationSearch/364

Heres a link to find your local clinic. Please do this. In my clinic they are brave, brilliant people who have sadly dealt with so, so many people who have been in your situation.

SuzieBishop · 03/09/2019 15:51

Just reading your thread now OP but just also wanted to say massive hugs and we’ll done you xxx

AMidsummersNightsNightmare · 03/09/2019 15:53

Big hugs OP, you’re so brave

SimplySteveRedux · 04/09/2019 19:31

Keep hanging on, you've amazing strength to even report this bastard. You'll get there.

Original poster

Chocolatethief · 05/09/2019 12:50

Thank you everyone I am trying my hardest, suppose to be doing my statement next week but most people want me to delay it as I might not be able to get any support for it and my mental health is not good, so they are worrying that it will push me into more of a crisis but i want to get it over with. The last thing i want is to just have this hanging over me for any longer than necessary.

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picklemepopcorn · 05/09/2019 13:12

The can is open now, Chocolate, so I think you are wise to get on with it.

For what it's worth, you made the first phone call because it was the right time. Trust yourself.

ColdAndSad · 05/09/2019 14:39

Who are the "most people" who want you to delay going ahead with your statement? I wonder what their interest is in this.

When I gave my statement it was actually a very positive thing. It was hard, of course: but the police officers who dealt with me were extremely supportive and kind, and I felt it was cathartic and encouraging, overall.

Deathraystare · 05/09/2019 15:50

All the best , Chocolate.

I get mad when I hear people say why so logn after? It must be the hardest thing to do.

Original poster

Chocolatethief · 05/09/2019 18:07

Mental health, I've had doctors and several people from the crisis team tell me to delay it and a police officer who I am working with about my mental health has said the same but the detective has said it is up to me and if I feel ready then that's all that matters.

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Chewysmum · 07/09/2019 00:42

I agree with the detective, if you think you can handle it then you should believe your instincts. And there are some great organisations like the one mentioned above that could support you. I would contact them asap as they will be able to support you when you go in to give your statement and while you're hanging around waiting for news of the investigation (which always seems to take absolutely forever, even if it isn't that long relatively speaking). They can even go to court with you if that's what you want, it's just good having someone there who understands about the process as well as the psychological factors. Much of people's fear in your situation is fear of the unknown, having someone walk you through each step is massively helpful and they understand how hard it is for people to get to the point that they are strong enough to do what you're doing.
I know you won't regret coming forward, no matter what happens, it's not healthy bottling up things like this and people need to know what this "man" has done, if only to protect future victims. Hopefully, once people hear about it, if there are any other victims of his abuse they will have the strength to come forward too, there is always strength in numbers.
Whatever happens I wish you luck. Keep us informed xx

HelenUrth · 07/09/2019 01:07

A thought about your comment "What if it's happened to someone else and I didn't speak up quickly enough to stop it." You were 12.

Do you know any 12 year olds? Or close in age? If they were assaulted in the same way would you really think it's up to them to speak up quickly enough to stop it happening to someone else? A 12 year old is a child, a 12 year old should never be sexually assaulted, but a 12 year old should never feel bad about not behaving like an adult when they were only 12. A child. That's far too much responsibility.

Forgive yourself for anything you think you didn't do "properly" when you were so young. Be kind to yourself now that you are taking steps as an adult. But please don't feel bad that it's taken you time to get to this point, you are doing the right thing and I hope it brings you closure in time.

incognitomum · 14/09/2019 18:44

Found you x

Are you going to keep pursuing this? I hope you manage to feel strong enough soon to be able to get justice. Must be very difficult for you.

A friend of mine reported a historical case of abuse. Others came forward. She's late 40s and was a child. He's in prison won't get out as old. She's a lot better than she was whilst going through the ordeal but it needed doing

You were an innocent child. He di something despicable.

Original poster

Chocolatethief · 19/09/2019 18:34

Just an update I haven't done it yet just waiting for the officer to be on to re arrange it now my care co is back and has said she will support me with it, think it was the right thing to not do it yet but now I want to get it done and feel terrified still but feel motivated to get it done.

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ColdAndSad · 19/09/2019 19:01

Try not to worry. You are doing a brave and good thing.

Walkon · 22/10/2019 13:59

Well done chocolatetheif you are brave and strong .
And well said coldandsad for your first reply on the 25th.

Original poster

Chocolatethief · 22/11/2019 20:34

Still not got anywhere with it yet but they are coming in a week and a half to do the paperwork, the decision has been made for someone else to be there that I know to make me more comfortable because of my mental health, I'm glad but at the same time feel like a child for needing it. I'm absolutely terrified was frustrated that it was taking so long but now I know when it's happening the fear is right back. I'm scared they wont believe me or something.

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FreeDougJudy · 22/11/2019 21:50

You are so brave @Chocolatethief I hope having someone else there with you helps you to feel more comfortable. We all believe you

KnittingSister · 22/11/2019 22:06

Don't fret about needing a friend, lots of people take a friend to appointments, procedures, whatevers, that's what friends are for!

WelshMoth · 22/11/2019 22:10

Think about that 12yr old. You are absolutely doing the right thing for that little girl.

Original poster

Chocolatethief · 22/11/2019 22:22

I'm trying to it's hard, might discuss it next week in the counselling that I'm having for it, it's been so helpful and I've only had 2 sessions. The person that will be with me is a police officer that I am working with for my mental health and they have been amazing with it all and I'm kinda glad that they have made the decision for them to be there.

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Livingthedream12345 · 22/11/2019 22:23

Definitely take a friend if you need and want support.
The police are excellent, they will take good care of you.

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