How did you become happy?

[GrapefruitGin]

Because I’m not sure I know what it feels like to be happy? I’ve been anxious/depressed for as long as I can remember. I tried cbt a few years ago but my therapist suggested I stop as I wasn’t benefiting from the sessions. Scared to try medication as I’ve heard so many horror stories with regards to side affects and I’m very anxious of my health as it is so not sure a pill would help. However, I really am struggling to see a light at the end of the tunnel at the moment. I’m so miserable, please can someone give me hope that I might get out of this one day?

I'm really sorry but when I was most crushingly miserable, 6 months on Seroxat really helped. I could then get on with letting time improve things.

The other thing was, I cycled to work and while I was on the bike, everything was fine. As soon as I got off I felt down again but at least I got a break twice a day.

I’ve not heard of that, did you experience any side affects from it? I’ve been prescribed proponalol (sp?) before but was too afraid to take it. I don’t exercise but I know it would probably help. Cycling to work isn’t an option for me but I think I need to force myself out on a walk each day.

High doses of Citalopram got me to the stage where I could benefit from CBT. At that point I found the strength to get divorced & find a new job & new home. I’ve been off it for about 4 years now & I’m more often happy than not.

I’m glad to hear you’re feeling better. I’m still so reluctant to try medication, I’m hoping there is another alternative I can try. I just did a 20 min workout following a YouTube video. Found it hard but managed to persevere by telling myself... ‘this will make you feel better’.

Exercise & getting out every day definitely help my wellbeing. Nowadays.

But... honestly? By the time I got onto ADs I was suicidal & had very little left to lose.

You’re not me, you might never reach that stage but believe me, you don’t want to.

Medication has side effects but it also has plain old effects. It is very likely that it will make you feel better so that doing things that improve your well being get easier to do. You still need exercise, reasonable food, regular sleep, maybe counselling, structures like work in your life, but medication makes it possible to do all these things.

The illness will tell you the medication will only harm you. The illness lies. It wants to grow and it will tell you whatever it takes to stop you freeing yourself.

Can you say more about your situation OP? Is there anything which is a particular trigger for feeling low? Do you enjoy your job, do you have a partner/kids? Is this a recent thing or have you always felt like this?

I have a great job. In a long term relationship no kids, in my late 20s. Have always felt ‘off’ but didn’t realise what it was until about 5 years ago when I was properly diagnosed. Go through periods where I feel like I have it under control but for the last 12 months (ish) have felt consistently low. Maybe I should re-refer myself for cbt again. I’m glad to hear of positive experiences others have had with AD but still hesitant

I learned to love myself and accept myself, and to realise that other people's opinions really don't matter all that much.

But to do that I needed ADs and CBT together. One or the other alone did not help. I take Citalopram. The first time I took it for 18m, no problems with side-effects, and came off very easily. Since then, if I feel the need I go back on them for a few months and come off again when I feel ready.

Citalopram reduced my emotions at both ends of the scale. Less bothered about everything. Less down in the dumps, but also less joyful. I had to actively learn to be joyful, to express it and feel it. That was a very positive experience. CBT can feel a bit like getting rid of the negative stuff in your head, but what replaces it? Mindfulness Meditation (referred by my NHS CBT therapist) helped me bring enjoyment back into my life, even while I was on Citalopram.

I also find that I am vastly happier in general and cope with life vastly better if I eat low carb, particularly avoiding wheat and refined sugars.

I've been on 20mg Citalopram for seven years now and accept that I will probably be on it forever. I don't have any side effects, apart from a dry mouth when I started it and for me it makes me feel 'normal'. like you, I think I have had low level depression all my life but would have times when my mood would really plummet and I would become suicidal.

ADs unquestioningly work for me, but they are undoubtedly supported by the following lifestyle choices:
Move. Every day. Whether it's a quick walk, a run, swim whatever, we are designed to be active.
Eat healthily but not denying myself stuff.
monitor alcohol intake. I know it makes me more anxious so I have to be in a good place to begin with!
Repeat, "I love and approve of myself. I am a good person. I am loved, loving and loveable." (My counsellor gave me that one!)
Consciously do not compare myself to others. 'Comparison is the thief of joy'.
Be kind to myself. Remember that I am a normal, flawed human being - just like everyone else on this planet!

Make sure I get the four Ss in balance: serotonin, sleep, stress and support.

Good luck. hope you feel better soon.

I’m glad to hear of positive experiences others have had with AD but still hesitant

I think you should go back to your GP, explain your worries and discuss what to expect and what to do if you have any side-effects.

If you were diabetic or had Crohn's or something, you wouldn't be trying to handle it without medication. This is a serious illness too.

OP I'm almost certain the propananol that you've been prescribed is not an antidepressant as such.

It's more of an anti anxiety medication. It helps by removing the feeling of physical symptoms of anxiety such as racing heartbeat, butterflies, sweaty palms etc.. I took it for migraines but also benefitted from the antianxiety properties. It was really good for me and had zero side effects.

I'd have thought that a good GP would have explained this to you...... So maybe you should see a different one and talk things over again.

I know so many people who have benefitted from antidepressants. The side effects have been small fry compared to the benefits. I do think though that in your case you haven't been prescribed an actual antidepressant.

OP are you on hormonal contraception?

Also, Do you have much of a social circle? Family, friends, support network?

Thanks for your replies. Sorry if I made a mistake by saying ‘AD’. I find it hard to distinguish the difference between the anxiety and the depression at times. It’s a vicious cycle, I’m low because I’m so anxious, I’m anxious because I’m so low. I don’t understand how I’m feeling sometimes.

Not on any hormonal contraception - again, my anxiety makes me feel like it’s not right for my body and I worry it’ll make me feel mentally worse.

If you were diabetic or had Crohn's or something, you wouldn't be trying to handle it without medication. This is a serious illness too.

You’re right.

You’re right.

I wish I wasn't speaking from experience.

I would be dead now had it not been for the help of antidepressants! Are you like this with all medicine or just antidepressants? The benefits far outweigh the negatives.

Ive not found Ads really helped and it feels like Ive tried lots. Some are worse than not being on them in that they make me even sleepier and zombie like.

Thats not to say they dont work for most though.

6 weeks cbt didnt really do it for me, although Ive tried a few times. Im about to start a years trauma therapy.

I really need to lose weight but its all tied in together and it feela like Im usually just offered quick fixes. It really is hard.

Lurking for ideas.

Starting to feel a bit silly that I started this thread now. Sorry for sounding so ridiculous.

Empress, how do you cope now?

Cotalopram, I was absolutely against medication but things were bad, very bad.
So I agreed.. but only for a year I told myself.
The side effects were pretty much as I anticipated and only lasted about 2-3 weeks.
Stuff like I felt nauseous so I took the blasted pill just before going to bed so I was asleep when that happened.
Dizziness only lasted a few days.
Anyway after about 4 weeks the black fog started to lift. After 8 weeks I felt more human and after a year I was able to ween down and stop them just as I promised myself.

Now for me it’s simple stuf.
TV comedy programs.
Music, I have Spotify and my earphones go literally everywhere with me, I walk for miles with my music on.

Work, my work stimulates and rewards me but I have to be careful not to do too much as I have in the past worked many long hours at the detriment to all other things on life.

Good, trustworthy, kind and carefully gathered friendships. Very important.

These things all seem trite but for me they are literally life savers.

I don't think starting this thread was silly. Or ridiculous.

It's partly that depression runs in my family but I was also in a very shit relationship at the time and unemployed, so none of that was helping. The ADs combined with the CBT helped me get myself together & change all that.

Now I run & do yoga regularly, make sure I get out every day, eat & sleep well, have friends who understand if I talk about it because they've been there too, and use the tools from the CBT to understand what's going on if I start feeling low. If I thought I needed to go back on the pills I'd do it in a heartbeat.

Thanks empress, I just realised reading back now that it’s obvious, I need to reach out for help. I’m the only one getting in the way of making myself better right now. It’s frustrating. I’m glad you found a happy place.

Pink, I’m sorry you’re struggling too 😢

How's your relationship? Is there any underlying stress there that may be contributing?

Hi @GrapefruitGin
I just showed my friend your post as she could have written this herself a couple of months ago. She was in the same boat and was afraid to take medication for it. Eventually her relationship was at breaking point so she said enough was enough and sought out help. She's now on 50g setraline daily, and she's never felt so happy! She's in the best places she's ever been, she never cries anymore (used to be daily) and side affects are minimal. (sickness at first but nothing now) i showed her this and she told me to reply and tell you how she wishes she started medication earlier as it has changed her life for the better. I know it's scary, but as a pp said, any other illness you wouldn't not take the medicine, so why is mental health any different? You don't need to suffer anymore, that one little step being brave can honestly change your life. I honestly can't recommend it enough, I am only talking from an outsiders view but I have my best friend back 🙂 please consider it, it may just be the best choice you have ever made. After all, what do you have to lose?

My relationship is fine. I wouldn’t say there’s anything in particular that’s making me feel this way, which is very frustrating because I ‘should’ be really happy with my life.