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How did you become happy?

47 replies

GrapefruitGin · 21/07/2019 23:46

Because I’m not sure I know what it feels like to be happy? I’ve been anxious/depressed for as long as I can remember. I tried cbt a few years ago but my therapist suggested I stop as I wasn’t benefiting from the sessions. Scared to try medication as I’ve heard so many horror stories with regards to side affects and I’m very anxious of my health as it is so not sure a pill would help. However, I really am struggling to see a light at the end of the tunnel at the moment. I’m so miserable, please can someone give me hope that I might get out of this one day?

OP posts:
GrapefruitGin · 22/07/2019 16:44

Ivy, I’m happy for your friend and I will take on board the advice, thank you. I do appreciate it. I don’t want to push anyone away and I feel like I’m becoming a different version of myself who my friends and family don’t like.

OP posts:
LifeIsGoodish · 22/07/2019 16:47

Should is a dangerous word. Why 'should' you feel one way or another? Would you judge a bereaved person for feeling cheerful? Why do you judge yourself for not feeling cheerful? Treat yourself gently. You are entitled to feel the way you feel. Your emotions are as valid as anyone else's.

GrapefruitGin · 22/07/2019 16:51

Maybe I’m putting too much pressure on myself to be/feel happy. What does happiness feel like to you?

OP posts:
foreverhanging · 22/07/2019 16:53

Watching with interest. I feel constantly weighted down with responsibilities and I feel like I'm walking through treacle most of the time.

31RueCambon · 22/07/2019 16:55

By silencing my inner voice.

My inner voice was all of the most critical, least forgiving most judgemental bitch, least understanding people I'd ever met all rolled in to one relentless areshole in my head.

I had to take that fucking bitch.

Happy now.

GrapefruitGin · 22/07/2019 16:55

I’ve just made a doctors appointment for next Monday

OP posts:
Moominfan · 22/07/2019 16:56

I changed my idea of happiness. It looks different on everyone. Spent so much time feeling down because I didn't feel how I felt I should feel. If that makes sense. Learnt to embrace my quirks. Find enjoyment in things that differ from the crowd. I hate parties, fancy dress, work do's, being drunk, going out out, beer gardens... I could go on. Instead I do the things I enjoy even if it's just me. Walks, being outside, drinking coffee in nice cafes, oil pastels, reading, listening to audio books, yoga classes, Zumba ect

31RueCambon · 22/07/2019 16:57

@GrapefruitGin happiness feels like the absence of anxiety, and a confidence in myself that I can cope with whatever comes next. Also, just the optimism to know that there are sources of joy out there, and I can enjoy the simple things in life.

delilahbucket · 22/07/2019 17:48

I took up running and took control of my eating as my weight was a factor in how I felt. I went on a health kick and found that being in control of something made me feel a lot better when I felt like the rest of my life was out of control.

Helpmeltb · 22/07/2019 19:57

Citalopram helped when it was at its worst. Not on it at the moment.

Exercise (climbing in particular because it needs focus and means there's no head space for other thoughts), eating better, counselling (which has helped me socially so I have more friends/generally busier)

CrazyKittenSmile · 22/07/2019 20:00

I was on sertraline for 6 months which has seemed to have helped me a lot. I got some side effects in the first few weeks (nausea, dizziness, a bit of trouble sleeping) but nothing awful and once I was used to the medication I didn’t have any lasting side effects. The benefits far outweighed the couple of weeks where I felt a bit weird on them.

AFistfulofDolores1 · 22/07/2019 20:10

OP, I was similar to you. Looking back now to who I was back then and how much I wanted to be happy, I wish I could have said to her that it's so much better to feel balanced; to be able to return to equilibrium faster when something knocks me; to be content with who I am. Happiness is lovely. It's also fleeting. I've found it better to be 'happy' with being me.

Supersimpkin · 22/07/2019 20:17

Pills, pills, pills. And walking (a bit - I am no health freak).

OP, like you I resisted medication. Big mistake.

Also gratitude. When you're ill and down, people have a tendency to suggest 'cures' that sound - and are - exhausting, not to mention too much of an effort to cope with when you can only just crawl through a standard day.

Gratitude is the one change you can make to your life without lifting a finger.

LifeIsGoodish · 22/07/2019 20:51

I changed my idea of happiness. It looks different on everyone.

Yes!

Spent so much time feeling down because I didn't feel how I felt I should feel.

Yes.

If that makes sense.

Absolutely.

Learnt to embrace my quirks. Find enjoyment in things that differ from the crowd.

Yes.

Though in my case there was always a pressure to be different, an original, to stand out from the crowd. It took me a few decades to realise that this was what my parents wanted for me, and that it was alright for me not to want it, and that I wasn't letting anyone down by not trying to be that person.

EmpressLesbianInChair · 22/07/2019 20:53

I’ve just made a doctors appointment for next Monday

GOOD FOR YOU.

Happiness for me is wanting to keep living my life & being glad I have it. Even the annoying / boring bits.

peoplepleaser1 · 23/07/2019 13:17

OP that's fantastic!

I'm sorry if my earlier post sounded critical. That absolutely wasn't my intention but I maybe should have been more thoughtful with my words. I was keen to point out that propanol isn't an antidepressant as such.

You've had some super advice on this thread, and so many people have found that medication can help.

Starting this thread was a brilliant and brave thing to do Thanks. Xx

UtterlyUnimaginativeUsername · 23/07/2019 13:37

Lexapro and weight lifting.

ValancyRedfern · 07/08/2019 22:03

How are you op? Thank you for this thread, I've found it really useful. I really struggle with knowing how happy I'm 'supposed' to be. I've ha depression since I was a teenager and really don't know what I'm meant to be aiming for - but I assume that spending my days wishing I was dead isn't it!! I'm on citalopram and it has helped but I'm still 'me' which isn't much fun to be honest. Eating sleeping and exercising well make a difference but of course I can only manage those things when I'm in a good head space so it's a bit of a vicious circle. Finding something really absorbing definitely helps. I went ice skating for the first time in 20 yes last week and my permanent anxiety evaporated as I had to concentrate my entire mind and body on staying upright! Not sure how to apply that to the rest of my life though! I hope you've had a good-enough day.

Woollycardi · 09/08/2019 11:49

It has helped me to acknowledge that we all have one of these, and I can either let it rule my life or I can see it for the bitter, angry, frightened child that it really is:

*'By silencing my inner voice.

My inner voice was all of the most critical, least forgiving most judgemental bitch, least understanding people I'd ever met all rolled in to one relentless areshole in my head.

I had to take that fucking bitch.' Thanks @31RueCambon*

lovelookslikethis · 09/08/2019 12:07

I have managed without meds for twenty six years. I can only speak from my own experience, and not every day/week is perfect, but it has been successful for me.

I go out every day for min of 20 min walk in all weathers for the daylight

I book a winter holiday without fail every year (I appreciate not everyone can afford this) If I can't get away I have 20 min of sunbed once a week. Winter is the hardest time in my experience.

When I feel myself sinking I instantly recognise it, accept what is happening and use mindfulness and gratitude to slowly ease through it.I use the fact I have come through worse, to remind me of my strength.

I will only eat vegetables and fresh fruit, rainbow food on bad days. I do not start eating tons of crap it makes me feel even worse when I do.

I take care of myself when I am really bad. I will go to bed, and treat it as a proper illness, take a day or two out. Re centre and remerge.

I do not let myself get overwhelmed, this can be a trigger for anxiety. If I know I am getting too busy I cut back straight away. My MH comes before anything else, so if I can't do a night out/family occasion whatever it may be. I have given myself permission always to simply cancel. Ditto with christmas and other pressurised points of the year.

I am very careful who is in and part of my life, and anyone that sucks the energy or life blood out of me quickly becomes downgraded. For those that are not optional I limit how much time and how often I see them to the bare minimum.

I found a job that gives me confidence and strength. This was pretty life changing in itself.

I use the countryside, nature and wildlife to feel calm and centred again.

I took out every single thing that dragged me down. Whether it was a boyfriend, a friend or something that hurt me in another way.

I have massages, meditation sessions and self care once a month or as often as possible.

In this way slowly I have coped with the cycles. I have been in very bad places, and have been able to use of the above mostly very successfully.

You need to put in some effort op, you will not just get magically better. It needs maintenance and commitment on your part.

If you are feeling like you are nearly reaching the lower end of what you can manage, do not wait until you hit rock bottom before taking medication. Medication is nothing to be scared of, and could make all the difference to your life. Try the meds, you can stop at any time if they disagree with you. Better to have a life well lived and enjoyed, than to be ruled by fear of what ifs.

Try the above, and then see how you feel. You are going to need some tough love to take those walks on the days you feel beyond everything and anything, but you walk you must. Same for foods, and other things. You may not feel like it, but you do it anyway. Changing your mindset is half the battle. Time to get very very serious about being well. Flowers

peoplepleaser1 · 09/08/2019 14:40

That's fantastic @lovelookslikethis, I'm inspired by the things that you have done to take control and manage your health.

May I ask what job you have found that has helped.

I recently had a career change and now work outside a lot which has really helped, but I'm still very stressed and am intrigued as to what type of job you've found helpful.

lovelookslikethis · 09/08/2019 18:48

people I can't say what it is as it is very outing, but it is the kind of job that gives me real perspective every minute that I am there, so it is not stressful like front line A&E, but it is the kind of job that people's lives are really impacted in a life changing way, and every day I make a huge difference to them.
It is a constant reminder that no matter what has happened to me, no matter how difficult my own pain can be at times, there is always someone right there in front of me that is in a far worse position, and they are living through it, and getting through it. Apart from what I am doing to change things for them, in a strange way it is also helping me if that makes sense?! Although unintentionally of course.

It is worth remembering that our dark tunnel days do not need to be better or worse, they can not and should not be compared. Only that we are all fighting our own battles and trying to make it through in life.

It is worth pursuing what you can do work wise that will help you feel better. There are a great many jobs out there that are not stressful, or that can make you feel stronger than you are. Empowering jobs that can be rebuild your fragile situation.

Of course there are days when we can do nothing more than just get through the day, but I always feel if you can wrestle some control back it can make a difference, sometimes a big difference.

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