Hi all, Ive name changed for this as a few people I know in real life use this and I dont want them to connect the dots.
I don't want to drip feed so I'm sorry if this comes off really long.
I struggle with my mental health, I don't really know what's going on with me but I have periods of what seem to be dramatic highs and lows. I tend to sort of plummet down, and go to the doctors and get medication, but the medication makes me feel too happy and I go a little crazy, so I stop taking it, until I crash again and decide I need help.
Right now it's a massive low. I have no motivation, poor self care, sleeping all the time and my minds like a fog, racing and can't think straight, and I'm also having suicidal thoughts, like the world would be better without me in it, easier with me gone, and there getting harder to talk myself out off.
So today, I took the day off work, hoping to be able to see a doctor and get some help, even if it's just some coping strategies. I phoned the surgery and explained to the receptionist whats going on and she said she'd put me on a waiting list for the doctor to phone me back today.
The doctor phoned, and I felt like I couldn't even get my sentences out or a word in, I managed to say that I was feeling really down and that I wasnt sure I could cope, and the doctor just gave me the number for a crisis charity and an appointment for next Friday.
When the phone call ended, it's left me feeling worse than before, where I was hoping to get some help, Im left waiting a week for an appointment and I'm not sure how to cope in the meantime, all my brain is occupied with is ways to end the pain I'm feeling.
So, I was hoping the lovely ladies on here could reassure me that everythings going to be okay and any advice you may have, I just feel so alone and like I don't want to be here anymore. I'm