Struggling to see the point in my continued existence

[WhyNotMe40]

Other than to be a mother for my kids.
I'm so so tired. One or more of them constantly wakes me at night.
I'm crap at my part time job.
I'm pretty crap and grumpy as a mother a lot of the time.
The planet is fucked up so is there any point in continuing, as if I go at least there is one less person using resources.
I don't seem to enjoy anything anymore.
All my friends gradually drift away after a couple of years and I have to make the effort to find new ones - so there must be something deeply flawed about me.
I am scared of dying, but I really think I've had enough.

You sound exhausted and depressed.
You need to speak to your GP ASAP.
Do you have any support?

I have a husband so theoretically have support. He does his bit but works hard and we are quite distant at the moment. I have no other family.

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.
We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

We are going to move this thread to the Mental Health section shortly.

How old are your children & which ones are up at night?

2, 5 and 8. The 2 year old is constantly awake, the 5 year old gets night terrors, and the 8 year old get anxiety attacks. So any combination really.

Being tired makes things seem much worse. Does your 2yo nap during the day? Could you nap too?
Waking at night is one thing- but do you know why they are waking up stressed?

If you were gone, it wouldn’t tip the scales on the planet/environment stuff. But your little ones would always miss you.

Yes the 2yo naps but it's either on school run or on the way back from somewhere and wakes as soon as you park. He's growing out of naps tbh.
They are probably waking stressed because I'm such a shit parei. Snappy, distracted, anxious and tired.

I do understand about you not having any help.
Have you asked at a local school or church if they know of someone who could watch the children a little bit?

Those little car-nappers! After a short trip, they are often so refreshed!