How happy people stay happy??!!!

[lovedarkchocolate]

Exactly that...how do you stay happy? I feel
Like I’m constantly miserable for one reason or another

I'm not sure this answer will help you... but for me it just comes naturally. I've always been a positive, optimistic, glass-half-full person. Of course that doesn't mean I never feel sad / stressed / annoyed when things go wrong for me, but my default setting is content.

I take joy in the little things in life (having a cuppa, watching the kids play) and don't let things I can't control worry me. Like PP I think it comes naturally though.

A lot of the way you view life will be the result of how your brain is wired, which will be the result of events in your childhood in particular and how your parents reacted to stress. You can change it but it will take work, I think that is the aim of things like CBT.

My husband has a very negative approach to things and I do feel sad for him, I don't think he can just choose to look on the bright side as much as he would like to.

Also comes naturally to me. My default is generally content.

My glass is refillable- who cares how much is in it at this moment, I can fill it up whenever I want - I am in control

I am - on average - happy. It is ok to be miserable sometimes.

I wish I was like that. Being miserable brings down even more. How the hell do I change?? 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

Drink and drugs?

No - I know one person who bully rights should be a very sad and angry person. Their life was the stuff of a Catherine Cookson novel.

However she strives to be cheerful and positive - she works at it and refuses to be down or blue. She is the nicest, most gentle and kind person you could ever wish to meet - but I know she must have some pretty awful memories. She definitely counts her blessings and looks for the good.

My glass is refillable- who cares how much is in it at this moment, I can fill it up whenever I want - I am in control

God I love that. I’m going to steal it (in a nice way) 💐

I tend to live by the maxim if you don't like something - change it. If you can't change it then you need to change your attitude. Worrying about something you can't change is the biggest waste of time ever. So I tend to focus on the happy things - and fix the crap if at all possible. I'm a fairly practical person and can't see the point in being miserable about something and putting up with it. I'm generally pretty upbeat and positive.

It sounds simple but I try and smile as much as possible, even if I’m having a bad day, or something really frustrating has happened! I always have music on and sing along even if I’m not very good! If anything that makes me laugh at myself! I try not to take things too seriously and to see the funny side, and try not to over think things.

Miserable too. You're not alone

I think the science suggests that a significant proportion of the answer is genetic / personality based - some people are just more inclined by nature to be happy / optimistic.

But, there are definitely things you can do to make the best of where you start from IYKWIM. I'd really recommend the book The Antidote by Oliver Burkeman. The subtitle is 'happiness for people who can't stand positive thinking' and it is a really nice counterbalance to a lot of the 'just be positive' stuff.

I also think that the Stoics have a lot of really useful things to tell us even in this day and age about how to live a good and fulfilled life (rather than 'be happy' in the conventional sense).

Taking pleasure in the little things.

This week hasn’t been great, I’ve got a cold, was on the receiving end of a road rage thing on Monday and am swamped with work.

The things that have helped have been ; Waking up early and hearing a cuckoo. Singing with the radio. Finding a handful of fresh strawberries in the greenhouse for ds to pick. My boss saying “good call” about something after a couple of stressy days. Laughing at that message for Donald trump carved in the grass near Stansted.

Specifically I think the concept of the premeditation of evil is a very useful one - thinking concretely about the things that might go wrong, and how one can deal with them / whether they would actually be really truly terrible. (My DP says I'm a cheerful pessimist - probably as a result )

I’m with you, OP

I don't always manage it but...
Take pleasure in simple things.
Never compare yourself to others
Be kind to others - gives an enormous sense of wellbeing as Damon Albarn would say
Look for the positive and always think the best of people - which takes practice and persistance
A lot of it is just your personality type, but you can fight it a bit I think!

Look for things to be happy about and banish other thoughts. That is a bit in your control I think but does take lots of practice and determination.

I firmly believe in appreciating all the good in your life. So even if bad things happen, focus also on the good. I actually cannot understand why some people I know look past all the blessings they have in their life and constantly focus on the things they are dissatisfied with. Some people literally personify 'first world problems'!

I feel mist of the time bad. Dh is optimistic, happy and has good stress tolerance. Character-wise only thing I feel we have in common is humour.

There are definitely different types of people - I have a friend that worries so much on a flight it makes her miserable whenever she goes on holiday - she worries that it will crash. Her worry has no effect whatsoever on whether the plane will crash or not - I could understand if all the worry kept the plane aloft, but all it does is drag all the joy from the journey.

I get on the plane and think woohooo, going on holiday... again that has no effect on whether or not the plane will crash, but I enjoy the journey and start my holiday happy.

I think my personality is just miserable tbh...I think what brings me down a lot is worrying. I do try to control my worrying.
Also the fact that family members( DH parents and SIL) don’t show the same love and interest in us ( my husband, my son and I).
We invested a lot of time and effort in the relationship with his family but haven’t received the same response in return.

I over think what other people say, especially the ones I care about.

Need to change and want to change. But how can I not care about what MIL says?!!!

Don't let your happiness be defined by other people or whether they act as you want them too. You can't change that.
Easier said than done.

BeyondMyWits that is a fantastic way to see things:
My glass is refillable- who cares how much is in it at this moment, I can fill it up whenever I want - I am in control

I am curious to know what "happy" means to you OP.

I'm with those who see a life lived with generosity and connection as the aim rather than "happiness".

I have experienced PND and anxiety. I have really struggled with the dark. But I have grown to accept the dark has a place in life and there's not much use (for me) in pretending it doesn't. I am getting better at filling my own glass and noticing when it's getting empty. I am also better at setting my own boundaries and not being caught up in other people's expectations and emotions and dramas has also really helped. I hope you can find ways to fill your glass OP.

"Need to change and want to change. But how can I not care about what MIL says?!!!"

Part of it is detaching "her" from the words - think of it as she says what she says because she has not been brought up the same way as you perhaps. She may have had a horrid childhood, she may just have had a bad day, either way, she has crap going on in her life that means that she does not see the world the same way as you do,

so you cannot expect her to respond the way you would like her to, because she does not know how you would like her to respond, or has not got the tools at her disposal to do so.

I work in a health setting and we get lots of grumpy people in, some are nasty, some are nice. Looking at it from my angle (as a contented person) they are ill, in pain or dealing with someone who is ill or in pain - that will colour their dealings with others - they came in on a bad day, I try to make it a bit better. Sometimes it helps, sometimes it does not.

Their angry words are not aimed at me, but at their inability to get what they want.

I think you can teach yourself to be happy, or just content.
Try and look at all the things that you have... a home, a family, health & time to make the most of those things, time to do something you really like. These are the things you can't buy and are definitely the ones that make me feel good / happy about my life.
I haven't always been happy, life has given me some big blows, but somehow it always continues, I worked through it and learnt to enjoy the little things.

imho, worrying = I wish things were different.
Or
I can't help catastrophising.

Which one is you, OP?

@YeOldeTrout I wish things were different type