Feeling overwhelmed and asking for help

[Fakenametodayhey]

I need an idea on how to stop feeling overwhelmed quickly without having to speak to a doctor.
Have been to docs 2 times and lied about minor ailments because too scard to say i feel suicidal and increasingly so.
Have a balcony so jumping wpuld be easy. I used to lock the door and throw the key out there but doesnt lock anymore

Husband away until friday and i have 3 small children inc baby

Canot stop crying dont want to leave them but cant be wigh thwm either.

Scared to tell gp incase it goes on my dbs check and affects my life .
Ha as if i am worried about doing the deed and living to have a better life at the same time.
Mumsnet please dont delete me agaim

I cant call samaritans and actually speak. I just choke up.
I just need ideas on how to stop feeling this way quickly.

No friends and no family to speak to.
Only husbamd who has started workinh away. I had to quit my volunteer job for experience after 4 minths and only 2 hours a week
I also applied to finish a levels and eventually go to uni. Etc. Worked it out wth hisband and it was great. Havent been out of the house without him really since first child born.
He is alcoholic but a good man
But breaks things but so do i.
He has more responsibility at his job and i have had to quit my dreams and my 2 hours a weel at volunteer job. Didnt even get to hgivr notice.
I miss it and feel even more trapped than before.

Husband is back once or 2x a weel flr aprox 12 to 16 hoirs. Not even whole day. He sleeps and plays games and moans about washing. I camt control the kids ans cant evem be bothered to dress or waash or eat and i forgot to give son his medicine and didmnt realise we hadnt eated until 12 todau.
I am not in right mind to care for kids. I forgot to give them fucking breakfast.

I really need some ideas on how to feel better right now because mykids need me to make food and stuff but i feel like a zombie i cant egen hear them properly it feels like a radio in thr other room.

Im not calling a and e because i wont be able to call. Physically. Or talk
Same with samaritans.

I also wamt to leave hisnand but no idea how to

I am 23 lwft college for pregnancy at 16 and i dont even have a name anymore. Just mommy.

Family members havr commited suicide and have very serious mental health issues on one side of familu.

So i am predisposed to be a good suicide committer. Its in my genes.

Spoke about it to husband but he left me with the kids anyway. I told him i feel like i could kill myself. I am very open with him about it but i dont think he understands. I wpuldnt leave the kids with him if he said even the first sentence.

He didnt say anything to doctor when i lied about havimg flipping pain instead of feeling depressed and suocidal.

I cant ask for help. I just cant do it.
My kids are cottoning on that mommy isnt well and always cries

Feel sick and scared

There is no wuick fix to feeling suicidal.

There is a quick fix however, for feeling overwhelmed with the children. Call social services and let them know you need support. A plan can Be put together for you and your children. It’s the only way if you can’t talk to a doctor.

Don’t sentence the children to this kind of life. You CAN fix this. You just have to make a few calls and accept the support. The weight off your shoulders after, will be immense, and will start the ball rolling.

Write it down. Or show a doctor this post.

You can’t worry about dbs checks affecting your life in the FUTURE but not worry about how this is affecting your CHILDREN RIGHT NOW.

What do you mean your husband breaks things and so do you?
What she are your children?

Please

For what it’s worth your husband sounds bloody useless

What age are the children*

You need to accept that without help this will not end well.
You are not a bad person. You are not a failure. You are young and have so much of your life ahead of you, and with help it will get better. Right now you are overwhelmed but that will change if you want it to. Lots of what you describe affects many people.

Please call 111 or someone you trust. You are responsible for three young children and you have to take care of yourself to take care of them.

All of this has been seen before by the people who can help you.
Please do something

gin makes a good point.
You will feel like you are then only person with all these problems. You will feel like the doctors will be shocked and surprised but they won’t.
This happens to many people. They just don’t discuss it. The doctors see this every day.
Go to a doctor. Do it.
If not for you?
For your children. They deserve a happy mummy. Don’t they?

I have been feeling really low since he started workkiny away but today shoued at son for just asking me to listen to yet another fortnight story. I didnt evem hear him it was like a radio in the other rooma and he shouted youre not listening and made me jump so i shouted.

And i broke a glass today. I threw it in the bath. Children didnt see. Maybe they heard?

So far it has been managable and just an inside my head illness but today i feel very very bad and have

• shouted for no reason
• threw a glass
• forgotten breakfast
• not even heard my son speaking to me

How can i feel so bad so quickly

Go to doctor now and show this post.

Having a hard time actually speaking out loud. Feel like ihave no breath inside my body

I dont know how to explain
I feel like my limbs arw heavy and havent got the energy today

Initial feelings came about 6 weeks ago and have neen consistant but today they have been 100x worse.

Feel myself just disintigrating
I can actually feel myself coming apart
Not metaphorically. I can feel my torso shakimg amd breaking and just leaving

Can anyone come and be with your kids? You need to see a doctor today. None if this is your fault and you are doing the right thing by looking for advice, but my advice is - someone should be with you

Hi Fakenametoday,
We're just posting to say that we've moved your thread from our Am I Being Unreasonable boards, which can be somewhat combative, to the Feeling Depressed boards.

That being said, we do also have to put our standard message up again. We are sorry to hear you are so low, but we also know that there is no substitute for real life help. So...

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources.
You can also go to the Samaritans website, or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

Fakenametoday, if speaking on the phone is too difficult right now, there are specialist forums that might be more suited. You could try elefriends, or here or here for information?

We truly wish you strength and peace to take the first steps in getting help. Our very kindest regards.
MNHQ

You don't need to say what is wrong over the phone, just say you need someone to be with you

I know with Childline you don't have to speak to anyone, you can message them online - can you do this with Samaritans so you don't have to speak out loud? Would that help?

You've given us lots of reasons that you're not good enough. I feel that if you can find at least one reason that you are that might help you feel more positive. Go on - tell us one thing you've achieved today, however tiny...

Or try one of the online boards Mumsnet has suggested if that's easier. Lots of love, you will gwt through this

How are you today OP? Hpe you fund some help? x