The Bipolar Support Thread

[tierraJ]

Started a new thread as the other one reached 1k!

@BippityBoppity87 he could be the love of your life. If you've been speaking since January you'll have an idea of what he's like. I agree you don't take him back to your hotel and stay safe with him.

Yeah I should be fine. A bit nervous though!

I’ve just heard back from pip and they’ve decided to award me standard rate. So I’m quite happy with that! Didn’t think I would get anything on the first try as I’d hear so many horror stories.

How is everyone today?

Evening. New to you all here, though have been on the site for a while, just name changed. I was diagnosed about 3 years ago, and am on Lamotrigine 400mg, Citalopram 30mg and Quetiapine 250mg.

Recently, because of the side effects I decided to reduce my quetiapine.....I felt fantastic without it so I reduced it further....not recognising the hypomania. Only spotted the signs of the mania once I started to drop in mood. Think the mania lasted about a month. The depression has been awful this time, and i’ve now been unable to work for 6 weeks because of it.

Was seen by a psychiatrist who basically said that I should up the quetiapine again (which I had already done) and hopefully I would be fine. I’ve been discharged from them, but I’m really not fine. They discharged me even though I told them about my daily suicidal thoughts, exhaustion, and inability to cope with normal everyday life. I’m high functioning generally (I have a professional job, with additional roles, two children, very sociable, lots of hobbies and friends etc etc) so it seems they can’t see the contrast. They say, because I am very slightly improved to what I was, that i’m better now.

I’m pretty sure my GP won’t be happy that they have discharged me; but we’ll. I just feel very alone with it; I have no CPN or anyone else similar I can contact for support. I don’t feel I can tell anyone else (other than healthcare professionals) about the intrusive, intense suicidal and self harming thoughts; it would help so much to have some support.

Sorry to whinge. I hate this illness so much, almost as much and the damned meds I have to take to control it. I was well for three years before this current episode. I’m starting to feel really hopeless that I’ll never improve 🙁

Sorry you're feeling so bad. I hate how the mental health service can just drop you back into the GPS care and they have no idea what they're doing.

I hope you feel better soon.

I'm in Norwich and although the nhs trust has been in special measures for years I've had a brilliant experience. My mental health nurse is coming out to see me at home tomorrow morning take care all stay strong louise xx

This thread is very quiet!

@BippityBoppity87 did you go to England last week? If yes how did it go?

Hope everyone else is as well as can be expected

Well @DiaryofWimpyMumm no I didn’t. Still a bit annoyed about it (long story) but I wasted over £100 down the drain.

Usually I would be more angry, but I think the meds have taken the edge off.

Yeah the thread is very quiet haha. How is everyone? Does anyone feel that with meds their immune system has gone to pot? I’ve had two stomach bugs where I was very unwell and about 4 colds in the past year. Usually I have maybe 1-2 colds max a year. And now surprise surprise I have another cold 🤧

That's a shame that your plans fell through. Especially losing the money too.

I'm the opposite with meds. I've only had one really bad cold in 5 years, at the time I was in contact with someone with a real bad flu and I said I wouldn't get it because I didn't get colds. Then sure enough the next day I woke up feeling like shit. Touch wood I've been fine since then.

Going on holiday tomorrow to Butlin's. Was looking forward to it but every time I have something I look forward to my head tells me I'm depressed:( what a nutter I am. I need meds increase because my head is full again whereas when I'm stable it's beautifully content and calm x

Oh dear think I'm feeling a bit hyper, just posted exactly what I thought on a couple of threads probably get a flaming, been shopping luckily didn't spend too much,
My neighbour is being his annoying self so I'm sat here listening to loud music to drown him out.
I want a shower but got a headache after work.
Was really paranoid today at work but for no reason as usual.

Hi, how is everyone this evening? So I thought I was doing great, feeling strong and mentally in a good place.

However yesterday (in the middle of the day) I was waiting at the bus stop after my meeting with my cpn, on my own and this man walked up to me. I had my head phones on listening to music, he tried to talk to me, I tried to ignore him and pretend I couldn’t hear him.

Eventually I took my head phones out and asked what he wanted. He said he had been driving in his car and saw me, parked it and wanted to know if I wanted to get in his car!

I wish I had just told him to fuck off, but I just froze, nervously laughing as he tried to get closer to me. Thankfully the bus pulled up and I dived straight on.

It shook me up so much, had to take some anxiety medication when I got in to calm down, and cried the whole night. Now I’m scared to leave the house again

How scary!! I hate it when things like that happen, no wonder you're feeling anxious!!

Sorry that happened to you @BippityBoppity87 scary stuff. It makes you scared to go out again but don't let perverts like him keep you from going about your daily life.

I’m feeling much better now, although I’ve fucked up a relationship because of it. I had a total melt down, mainly because it triggered past trauma and I ended up blocking someone I really cared about on fb.

I don’t know why I did it, I just snapped, but after I calmed down, I explained to him how I was feeling and that I just push people away. Now he’s not talking to me and I feel even more alone.

I got a letter to say I've been put into the Support Group for ESA so that's a weight off.

Hope everyone is well, as well as can be expected anyway.

Hi there how are you all? I forgot about this thread for a while.

Hiya, I’m very well thanks. I know me too! Thought I would have a wee nosey to see if anyone had posted!

How is everyone?

I’ve asked m cpn if I could come off my medications, well two of them and just stick with lithium, mainly because I hate taking them and it can sometimes make me feel sick. She said i’ll have to speak with my psychiatrist

But I can’t help but wonder that it was medication that started all this (well mainly the sertraline) As I was feeling quite low, I’ll admit that, so I can understand why the antidepressant was added and thus concluded my bipolar diagnoses after a high, but I don’t understand why they just didn’t take it away instead of adding more into it? At one point I was on 5 and I had to persuade them to take me off the other two!

Sorry, I’m probably just rambling and I don’t know if that makes sense ot not lol

Yes it makes sense.

My psychiatrist said at one point I could come off the olanzapine but then he didn't mention it again. I can't touch the sertraline they send me sky high.

I'm going to a wedding in the next few weeks. Have to stay away from home for a few days. I'm not looking forward to it at all. I can see plenty of alcohol being involved!

That’s good that you could potentially come off it. I’m currently on sertraline, lamotrigine and lithium. My psychiatrist did say he would take me off sertraline as it’s sent me high twice since I’ve been on it. All he did was slap on an antipsychotic on top of it which didn’t make sense to be but ok lol.

Now off the antipsychotic thank god, hated it.

Hope you enjoy the wedding!

How has everyone managing in this heat? I haven’t coped very well at all and I was sick earlier, again I think it was down to the heat, and being on medications that just heat your body up even more!

Hi everyone, hope you're all well.

I don't know if anyone remembers me. I posted a few times on the old thread but I was not very well at the time and I found it quite triggering to listen to some of the discussions so I had to step away.

I have been feeling better for a while now, but I could use some thoughts/advice from people who empathise if that's ok?

My question is: when does bipolar stop being a reason for your behaviour and start becoming an excuse?

I have said/done awful things when I'm ill in the past, including being verbally abusive to my DH (manic rage) and have cheated on him via sexting while I've been manic. Obviously we've had some pretty serious relationship issues because of this. What I don't understand though is if I am just an awful and abusive person or if I do these things because I have no control?
If I posted on aibu or relationships I would get a pasting and be told I was horrible and abusive and my husband should ltb asap.
However my cpn, a relationship counsellor we saw briefly and a mind counsellor I saw on my own all said that I was not accountable for my actions and I needed to stop blaming myself as much? I don't see how that can be true. I don't think I should use my bipolar as a "get out of jail free" to be awful.

My husband is still with me despite what I've done but it is hard for him, he obviously has insecurity around my cheating and some of the awful and abusive things have hurt him deeply and had repercussions which still affect him years later. When we argue he sometimes brings up how conflicted and ambivalent he feels about it all - on the one hand he talks about what I have done and how he feels hurt and like a mug for still being with me but also that he knows he can't blame me for doing things when I'm ill so he feels like a bastard for "holding it against me".

We are going through a rocky patch right now so a lot of this stuff is coming to the surface again, but I have noone to talk to who understands bipolar in the context of relationships.

So, can any of you lovely people share your thoughts on the situation with me? Or point me towards some resources (e.g. websites?) Which will help me/us to unpick this?

Hey @Lostandinsane welcome back

I think if you’ve done something that you would never do if you weren’t in an episode I.e, completely out of character, then I would agree with your councillor.

I’ve done some horrible things too and I have felt so ashamed about how I’ve behaved, you’re not alone. It’s an illness, most things are out of your control and if anyone tried to berate you on aibu I would tell them where to stuff it!

You sound like you have a loving and supportive partner.

Please may I join the thread? I was diagnosed two months ago and have a review with the psychiatrist this afternoon. I thought I was doing really well but have just realised I’m probably going through an up phase as I’ve reorganised my house, given up smoking, changed my hair and bought lots of stuff on credit that I don’t really need:(( I was planning on asking to reduce my medication today but I guess that’s not going to happen now.......

Hi @Pinkandpurplehairedlady

That sounds tough. What medications are you on? It’s good that you are recognising that something is a bit off and you might be running a little high.

Well done for giving up smoking though! I’ve unfortunately tried and failed twice. Every time I’ve made an attempt, granted, I’ve managed a good few months, my mental health has always made a turn for the worst.

How did it go?

The psychiatrist realised I was hyper as soon as I walked in. They’ve upped my aripiprazol to see if that helps. Got to go back in 5 weeks and if I’m still wobbly they’ll put me on lithium.

That’s good hopefully it helps. I’m on lithium, I think it’s great. I used to be on aripiprazole, but I found it made me feel flat and a bit numb