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Feeling suicidal after baby...

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Porkyprincess · 25/04/2019 23:53

I have two lovely DD’s one who is just shy of 7 months old. I am basically writing here to ask anyone if they have been through anything similar and / or can help me feel like I am not totally insane.
Both girls are demanding (first DD being a feisty, demanding 2 year old!) and I am running on minimal sleep due to DD2 being unwell with a virus at the moment and waking up several times in the night. DH works 5 days a week and although helps as much as he can, I am most with the majority of the responsibilities.

Since a teen I have struggled with low self esteem issues & self harm issues & depression. But now I am terrified because I feel like I am going back to how I used to feel.
Daily I have outburst of crying in front of both girls & DD1 cuddling me telling me I shouldn’t be sad. I should be the one being there for her when she is sad not her being there for me! I am tempted to go to my GP and ask them if I can change my antidepressants, but other than that I really don’t know what else they can do for me...
I am becoming increasingly upset with DD1 over the smallest of things and I’m sure it’s because I’m tired and feeling low.
DH understands to some extent but doesn’t ask me how I’m doing most of the time so I just struggle on through.
I feel so awful and since DD2 has been born I have thought about taking my life and how the children would be better off without me, this is how bad it’s getting and I just feel awful because I was given these beautiful girls but feel like “what’s even the point anymore?”
I have minimal family support due to living far from my family living far away and don’t have many people I can turn to in a crisis.
Am I over going crazy??! I feel like other mother’s i see have it all together and they seem so happy with their children that I envy other mothers at the park or nursery because they’re chatty and are soaking in their children where as I am feeling this constant dread of being left alone with both of mine & feeling as though I just don’t know if it’s worth carrying on...

JoMumsnet · 26/04/2019 11:11

Hello Porkyprincess, we're really sorry to hear you're feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website, or email them on [email protected], or call them (free) on 116 123, 24 hours a day, 365 days of the year.

We also wanted to share Mind's information on self-harm with you – it has practical tips on what you can do when you feel like this and where to get urgent help. Maybe take a look and see if there’s anything which might be helpful right now.

One other organisation which could give you support is PANDAS - Pre- And post-Natal Depression Advice And Support foundation. PANDAS Helpline is available from 9am – 8pm every day to offer support and advice and can help to signpost to other organisations if necessary. The number is - 0843 28 98 40.

Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you'll be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek real life help and support as well. Going back to your GP to talk about the medication you're on is probably a very good starting point.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

We're going to move this thread to the Mental Health section shortly.

OP, we really hope things start feeling a bit easier for you soon. Flowers

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