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Feeling suicidal after baby...

14 replies

Porkyprincess · 25/04/2019 23:53

I have two lovely DD’s one who is just shy of 7 months old. I am basically writing here to ask anyone if they have been through anything similar and / or can help me feel like I am not totally insane.
Both girls are demanding (first DD being a feisty, demanding 2 year old!) and I am running on minimal sleep due to DD2 being unwell with a virus at the moment and waking up several times in the night. DH works 5 days a week and although helps as much as he can, I am most with the majority of the responsibilities.

Since a teen I have struggled with low self esteem issues & self harm issues & depression. But now I am terrified because I feel like I am going back to how I used to feel.
Daily I have outburst of crying in front of both girls & DD1 cuddling me telling me I shouldn’t be sad. I should be the one being there for her when she is sad not her being there for me! I am tempted to go to my GP and ask them if I can change my antidepressants, but other than that I really don’t know what else they can do for me...
I am becoming increasingly upset with DD1 over the smallest of things and I’m sure it’s because I’m tired and feeling low.
DH understands to some extent but doesn’t ask me how I’m doing most of the time so I just struggle on through.
I feel so awful and since DD2 has been born I have thought about taking my life and how the children would be better off without me, this is how bad it’s getting and I just feel awful because I was given these beautiful girls but feel like “what’s even the point anymore?”
I have minimal family support due to living far from my family living far away and don’t have many people I can turn to in a crisis.
Am I over going crazy??! I feel like other mother’s i see have it all together and they seem so happy with their children that I envy other mothers at the park or nursery because they’re chatty and are soaking in their children where as I am feeling this constant dread of being left alone with both of mine & feeling as though I just don’t know if it’s worth carrying on...

OP posts:
DeliaSmythe · 25/04/2019 23:58

You poor poor thing. I don't have any real experience of this but wanted you to know someone is here and listening.
I think it would be a good idea to speak to a doctor ASAP. Are you actually thinking about harming yourself imminently?
You sound like a lovely mum and your girls, and your husband, need you.
You mentioned that you think your antidepressant should be changed, I think it definitely sounds like a review of your medication would help.
Do you have anyone in RL you can talk to?

TemporaryPermanent · 26/04/2019 00:02

You are doing such a good job in the face of this pain.

Please call your GP. If you think you might harm yourself now, can you go to A&e? If it's not quite so imminent, you could call the Samaritans?

stayclosetoyourself · 26/04/2019 00:05

Hi OP sorry to hear you are feeling so low and overwhelmed. You will feel better and in time all will improve and settle down, but you need help to relieve some of the stress you are under.
Do you think you can speak with your husband or family to get some help with the children for the next few weeks and so you can focus on getting yourself better.
Start now by making plan to ask for help, GP, family, Samaritans.
Take care of yourself, sleep, food, fresh air,. Stop blaming yourself this is not your fault .
Big hugs xx

xtinak · 26/04/2019 00:07

I'm sorry you are having to deal with feeling so low. You are not going insane but you are experiencing something like pnd. There is much more the gp can do than tweak antidepressants. I went to mine and said I would not take antidepressants and they still managed to help me. Other people may look like they're managing but behind closed doors it could be totally different! Pnd affects one in 8. You are doing so well just keeping going. Next step is to reach out to gp or health visitor.

AlunWynsKnee · 26/04/2019 00:08

First of all you are wrong that they would be better off without you. Totally wrong.
Secondly the fact that you think this means something has gone very wrong. Emergency GP appointment (DH needs to stay home to facilitate this) in the morning. Be honest with them. 7 months of no sleep was when I tipped over and your medication may just need adjusting because of the sleep deprivation.
Flowers

gluteustothemaximus · 26/04/2019 00:11

Trust me, we don't all have our shit together.

Being a parent is extremely tough. And it can send the healthiest of couples crazy.

Lack of sleep is a killer. It really alters your mind too.

I think you need to talk to your DH. Don't struggle on. You need more help. Try GP for different medication. Anyone in RL who can give you a break?

Your girls sound lovely. Don't worry about crying in front of them. We are human. We cry. Your girls need you, and you are the best mum for them.

By asking for help you are proving what a good mum you are. You are not alone Flowers

colditz · 26/04/2019 00:12

You sound ill with sleep deprivation.

You also sound very very depressed.

Go and see your doctor. You deserve to be well and it's the biggest favour you can do your daughters - get well.

But also, you need a night where your husband is completely and solely responsible for both children for a full 14 hours so you can have a bath and a sleep. Every week.

Mine mine were this age, I used to sleep at my friend's house once a week so the kids COULDN'T disturb me.

Nat6999 · 26/04/2019 00:34

I know where you are coming from. I had an easy pregnancy until I got PE at 36 weeks, I was induced & ended up in high dependency after EMCS. I'd been presented with this creature (DS) that I had no idea how to stop crying other than stuff a bottle in one end & clean up the other, he never slept, where was this feed every 3 hours? I'd no sooner got one feed down him before he wanted another. I was still not well, it took nearly 3 months for the effects of PE & HELLP syndrome to go away, I was knackered. I fantasized about not having DS, I took ages to bond with him, the in laws & family were driving me mad, they wouldn't leave us alone. My head was a mess, I couldn't think straight, I was so deeply depressed one night I went in the bath & lay with the water almost up to my nose trying to go to sleep in the hope I would drown. I needed space & time on my own with DS & never got it. I finally broke down to my midwife one morning, she was still visiting a month after DS was born because I was so ill, she listened, rang my GP, put me in her car & took me to see the doctor who put me on antidepressants & insisted I went back once a week. My mum & dad came to help look after DS & my husband who had been diagnosed with MS a month before DS was born, I was marched up to bed & slept for 16 hours. For the next week my mum & dad came at breakfast time every morning, they gave us breakfast, my dad took my husband out while my mum looked after DS & me, she didn't ask what I wanted for meals, I wasn't capable of thinking, she cooked my favourite foods, made me have a 3 hour nap every afternoon, cleaned up & gradually taught me how to look after DS, she taught me to bath him, how to wind him properly & got me into a routine. After a week they started just coming in the afternoon so I could nap, still bringing us meals, my mum took me out for my first walk with DS in his pram, I hadn't been outside except to go to the doctors for nearly 7 weeks. She listened to me when I needed to get the horror of DS birth out of my head even though she had been there through the whole thing. It took me 3 months to gain confidence & to feel like me again. Without the midwife listening, an understanding doctor & my mum & dad I wouldn't have got through it. You need to find someone to talk to, a health visitor, a doctor, your mum, you need someone to listen & not stop you talking, you need to get all the stuff in your head out in the open. Don't be afraid to ask for help, I'm convinced that sleep deprivation played as big a part as the horrific birth in my depression, it will get better, you just need time, patience & understanding.

TheRugbyValkyrie · 26/04/2019 00:38

Dear OP
How are you feeling today?
Please accept big, squishy virtual hug.
Have you seen your GP yet? If not, please get an emergency appointment. The sooner you go, the sooner you will start to feel better.

pheonixrebirth · 26/04/2019 01:27

Dear sweet gorgeous soul, please don't ever think there is anything wrong with you!
Motherhood is a mutherfucker! Please excuse my Spanish/French & any other European language I abuse. The women who look like everything is fine are just the ones who just hide it the best.
There are the odd ones who are just like Mother Earth and have ending patience.
However- us mere mortals are all in the same boat. Life is a disappointment due to expectations ! Fact! I didn't mean to sound so awful there but Expectation gets you know where!

I felt like you once and I truly thought that know one would care if I just disappeared! As luck would have it for some reason, the very next day I started to feel better.
Your days will get better/your nights too! And you will be there one day to guide another poor motherpucker through this minefield! Hormones and harmony! Big love and cuddles to you!

JoMumsnet · 26/04/2019 11:11

Hello Porkyprincess, we're really sorry to hear you're feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website, or email them on [email protected], or call them (free) on 116 123, 24 hours a day, 365 days of the year.

We also wanted to share Mind's information on self-harm with you – it has practical tips on what you can do when you feel like this and where to get urgent help. Maybe take a look and see if there’s anything which might be helpful right now.

One other organisation which could give you support is PANDAS - Pre- And post-Natal Depression Advice And Support foundation. PANDAS Helpline is available from 9am – 8pm every day to offer support and advice and can help to signpost to other organisations if necessary. The number is - 0843 28 98 40.

Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you'll be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek real life help and support as well. Going back to your GP to talk about the medication you're on is probably a very good starting point.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

We're going to move this thread to the Mental Health section shortly.

OP, we really hope things start feeling a bit easier for you soon. Flowers

Chocmallows · 30/04/2019 11:33

How are you feeling OP?

I suffer with anxiety and when my DC were young and needed constant lots of attention I had times where I thought I wouldn't cope really had enough

I'm on this mental health area as trying to look after older family is giving me the same anxiety. I thought I'd see if others had stress due to caring role as it is known that caring roles can be physically, and emotionally draining.

Try to be kind to yourself and appreciate what a hard job caring is and you have got this far and doing better than you think you are Flowers

Porkyprincess · 30/04/2019 16:13

Hi everyone , I just want to thank you all for your advice and support. I took a visit to the GP today and she recommends that I get some support from the local mental health team and social services. Unsure about how social services and support me...
but trying to stay positive.

OP posts:
Lauren850 · 30/04/2019 23:48

Hello OP, really well done for taking that first step to get help...it's such a hard thing to do. Hope v much you'll find some good support, please don't be afraid to be completely open about how bad you feel...people sometimes fear this but you're more likely to get the right help if you really spell it out.

I struggled when my girls were that age and really beat myself up for not being happy like other mums seemed to be. One thing that helped me, said by a lovely therapist, was this: your job right now is to survive and keep all the basics going... anything you manage on top of that (including fun, enjoyment, gratitude for your beautiful girls, etc) is a bonus. Takes the pressure off a bit? Not saying that life shouldn't be fun but when it's not, you need some support not self-criticism. Youre doing well, this is a hard time. Very best of luck

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