Struggling

[SuddenlyISee]

I feel really, really low today. I am at home with my 4 year old and six month old and I just want to cry. They aren't misbehaving. In fact DD is being lovely as she knows I'm sad. But I can't shake it off. I keep thinking they'd be better if I wasn't here. I don't know why I'm posting I just don't feel like I can talk to anyone in real life.

I’m so sorry you are feeling low. Can you get everyone out for a walk and some fresh air? Do you have a friend or family member you could call to see if you could pop in for a cup of tea. Have you been feeling this way for very long, maybe it’s time to speak to your GP. I didn’t want to read and not reply. I hope things get better for you, please seek some help and talk to someone - sending hugs

Hi @SuddenlyISee
Do you want to talk? I'm here to listen.

Thank you both for your replies. We are going to my MiLs now but I'd rather drop the kids off and come back to bed. I've felt down for a long time but today is really frightening me.

I don't feel like I can talk to anyone in RL. My friends have some really awful things going on, I feel like my problems are massively insignificant in comparison.

Please drop your kids at your MIL for a short while and go and see your doctor today. You are important, and how you feel is important. I’m sure your friends would want to know if you were unhappy. But in lieu of them, please see your doctor as they really can help and will listen and be able to offer advice. Huge hugs to you.

Your problems are not insignificant - you don't need to compare them to those of your friends.
I genuinely believe that you should see your GP as quickly as possible - sometimes just saying 'I need help' out loud to someone can help to shift the black cloud, and your doctor is best placed to help.

Depression can be isolating and drain the energy out of you, but it can also be treated. And as I said before, if you don't feel like you can talk to your friends in real life, you can talk to me any time.

I can't go to the doctors today. I don't want to leave my kids. If I'm still feeling like this tomorrow I will make an appointment.

@SuddenlyISee - have you felt like this for a little while now?

@le1la yes, on and off. I just feel sad all the time. I don't even know why.

When I've felt like that in the past, that's when I've met the doctors and asked for help. I know it feels like a huge step (I was always worried that the doctor would think I was overreacting or that other people had worse problems) and I always felt frustrated that I couldn't just make myself feel better, or give myself a kick and get on with it, but getting some help for a few months meant I could get my feet back underneath me again and start enjoying life again.

I hope you feel better soon

Make an emergency appointment ASAP.

On the way to/back from your MIL’s stop at the park, get some fresh air, push the 4yo on the swings, go down the slide (if it’s big enough) with them. It’s a great tonic for feeling low. Obviously it’s not a miracle cure, but it might make you feel a tiny bit better for the afternoon.

What time is DH due home? What’s he like? Will he see to the baby in the night?

Give the kids the easiest tea you can. Nice early baths and into bed.

Nice bath, book & an early night...and hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.

You’re their Mum, you’re their world. There’s absolutely NO WAY they’d EVER be better off without you. NEVER. Never ever. 🌷

What help can the doctors offer? I don't want tablets!

We are at MILs for the rest of the evening as we have dinner here on a Tuesday. By the time we're done it'll be time to take the kids home to bed. DP is fine and good with the kids. Baby sleeps through so not an issue. I can't talk to him about this though. He doesn't understand and just thinks I'm grumpy.

Sorry, I don't want to sound dismissive. It's just hit me like a brick today and I can't cope. I'm home alone with the baby tomorrow so I'm going to make sure we go out for some fresh air.

Do you enjoy going to your MIL’s every Tuesday?

It’s sad you can’t talk to your DH about this, you need to talk to someone who knows you/loves you. Have you tried talking to him when you’re not seeming ‘grumpy’.

GP might be able get you some counselling or talking to them might help you to accept a course of tablets?

Could you afford any private counselling?

I know it sounds pathetic and trite, but some fresh air really is good for you. A good walk is really good too, I need 30 minutes before I’m in my groove so I walk for a good hour, hour & a half every day. I’ve had to stop right now as I’ve a knee/ankle problem and I definitely notice the difference in my
mood. Obviously it’s not a magic solution but I do believe every little helps.

I don't mind it. It's something we've always done and it does mean I can hand over the kids for a couple of hours.

It's not that I can't talk to him. I just don't know what to say. Same with counselling. I don't know what's wrong. I've not got any reason to be feeling like this. I've got myself stuck in a rut and can't seem to get out of it.

I completely agree re the fresh air. And I love getting out walking especially with the baby in the buggy as I know it's doing him good too. It's just difficult to find the motivation to get up and go!

I did have to speak to DP a bit this evening as DD announced at the dinner table that I'd been crying he dismissed it at the time saying I just had a cold but asked me when I got home. I did say that I had struggled today and didn't really know why. I had the perfect opportunity to open up to him and I shut it down. Same as I always do.

You really do need to go and see the doctor. You can't say what help can the doctors offer...you won't know until you go and find out.

It sounds like you're depressed, OP. Maybe PND? Please take it seriously. It's very worrying.

This with bells on from @IncrediblySadToo

You’re their Mum, you’re their world. There’s absolutely NO WAY they’d EVER be better off without you. NEVER. Never ever. 🌷

Please do see your doctor

It’s a shame you didn’t take the opportunity to talk to him, but I know it’s hard when you don’t know what’s wrong, exactly. Maybe try again soon.

It’s quite possibly PND, loads and loads of women get it after having a baby. Being pregnant and giving birth makes your hormones all over the place and sometimes they need a bit of help to get sorted again. There’s no shame in it and the tablets don’t need to be longer term. If it’s that and you get some tablets, you’ll enjoy your little ones SO much more. Many women put off getting help, then when they do they wish they’d gone sooner.

It's just difficult to find the motivation to get up and go

Trust me I SO get that. I KNOW it makes me feel better about life, but actually making myself do it is something else.

I’d had a couple of weeks laid up in Feb then just couldn’t make myself go out, but I saw a cancer poster for ‘Walk for Cancer’ do 10,000 steps every day in March. So I decided to do it. I didn’t get any sponsorship or anything, I just made myself do 10,000 steps Every Single Day. Every time I started making excuses to myself I thought about everyone with cancer who HAS to deal with it every day and told myself to just get on with it. I did it.

Could it still be PND six months on? Either way I do know I need help. I told DP that I wanted to walk out the door and never come back today. But I couldn't give a reason why.

That sounds like a good excuse to get out walking! I will try that motivation tomorrow. Unfortunately not all steps are picked up on the tracker when pushing the buggy though so you'll just have to take my word for it that I've done 10,000 😉

Yes, Certainly it could still be PND six months after the dc was born. Before you go off on that walk, phone and make a doctor's appointment. Promise?

Definitely can still be PND, some women don’t get the help they need for years, which is really sad as they miss out on so much with their kids. It’s a horrible thing but there’s so much help to get your body ‘reset’ now, it would be daft not to take the meds that’ll do it and get on with enjoying life.

What did dP say when you told him that?

It’s not pushing the buggy, it’s the fact that these counters are sadistic bastards. All of them. I could bore you for hours with tales of ‘naughtiness’ - mine is pure evil. I will believe you 😊

I’m not going to be around much tomorrow, I let myself be talked into a day trip to Longleat - it’s about 2 hours from us, with no traffic/roadworks. I’m not supposed to be on my feet and driving really aggrivates my ankle/knee - but hey ho. We are going to take the bus tour so the monkeys don’t destroy my car 🤣.

I’ll pop in when we get home to see how your steps went!

OP, you definitely can have PND six months on. I know, because I was diagnosed with it when DC3 was six months old after feeling much as you describe. Please see your GP, there's help available. I know you say you don't want to take tablets but sometimes just a short course of them can be enough to lift you out of PND, if that's what it is. Hope you are feeling much better soon

Thank you all for your comments. They really do mean a lot.

@IncrediblySadToo enjoy your day and I hope your knee/ankle holds out.

I've made a doctors appointment but I can't see anyone until next Wednesday 😞