Struggling

[SuddenlyISee]

I feel really, really low today. I am at home with my 4 year old and six month old and I just want to cry. They aren't misbehaving. In fact DD is being lovely as she knows I'm sad. But I can't shake it off. I keep thinking they'd be better if I wasn't here. I don't know why I'm posting I just don't feel like I can talk to anyone in real life.

Hi @SuddenlyISee,
Proud of you for doing that! It's a really brave first step. How are you feeling today?

Thanks @le1la I feel a bit better today but I didn't sleep well. Off out for a walk with the baby in a bit which will hopefully lift the mood. I was hoping I'd get a doctors appointment sooner but they only had appointments with male doctors on Saturday and I didn't feel comfortable with that.

Hi - the kids talked themselves out of going to Longleat, we’ll go at half term instead.

It’s a shame about needing to wait until Wednesday, Easter really isn’t helping! You could try calling back, telling them you can’t wait until next Wed and to please find you an ‘emergency’ appointment. Sometimes you have to be a bit persistent.

Did you get out for a good long walk yet?

It’s still foggy here, but I quite like that!

I did think about calling them back but it had taken quite a lot for me to phone them plus waited nearly 20 minutes to actually get through so I just didn't have it in me! Hopefully I'll be ok over the weekend with DP around. We don't have many plans and the forecast is good so we will try and get outside as much as possible. DP even phoned me to check in at lunchtime so i think our chat helped last night even though it was brief. He obviously realises that there's more to it. He was surprised to hear that I had made a doctors appointment too.

I felt like I was doing really well today but I've just seen that a group of friends have all met up for a picnic with their kids and we weren't invited and now I feel like shit again. We have a whatsapp group but they've obviously had a separate arrangement. I want to say something but know I'll regret it in the long run.

Hi OP - best to hold your tongue for now. I'm sure that no malice was meant but I completely understand how upsetting it can be/excluding it can feel. Are you closer to any of the friends than the others? Maybe just drop them a message tonight to see how their day went and give them the chance to explain.

You said DP had phoned yesterday lunchtime. Has he phoned again today?

He actually finished work early today which was nice. I told him about the friends meeting up and he suggested I leave the whatsapp group which I did! I will probably regret it but at the time it's what I needed to do!

I went to the doctors today and she very quickly agreed that I have post natal depression and prescribed me some medication. I feel sad that it's come to this and that I've avoided it for so long but hopefully they will get me back to normal again. I've been speaking a lot to my friend who had PND and she has been helping me to understand it better and accept that I'm unwell and it's nothing to be ashamed of. DP has been more supportive than I ever could have imagined.

Thank you for all of you that took the time to respond to my original plea for help. It really meant a lot.

I'm so glad you've seen your GP & got some help. Sometimes you do just need a course of medication to reset your brain chemistry & lift you out of depression. It might take a couple of weeks to start to feel better, so hang on in there. All the best