Can't go on

[TheoriginalLEM]

I hate myself. I just fuck up all the time. I am supposed to be going on holiday tomorrow but i just don't want to wake up. I know its cliche but i honestly believe that people are cursed by my presence. Ive fucked up at work. The chances are it wont come to anything and someone more experienced than me has reassured me it will be ok. However it has made me question if im suitable for the job. The trouble is i dont think im suitable for any job. If i lose this job we are fucked. The fallout will mean we will lose our house and my DP has had enough.

Im frettung and my dp says im going to ruin the holiday. He is probably right.

I have bpd and im in therapy and on meds so please dont recommend those things.

I know this thread will be deleted but i need a hand hold. I don't feel safe and cant tell anyone irl

Morning Lem, how are things?

It sounds like “work” has fucked up, not you

Oh LEM you poor thing, DH doesn't hate you he's just tired too and sometimes it can be hard to keep supporting anxious people (I've been the anxious one by the way so I know how you feel!) but he does not hate you.

Work will be fine, you absolutely should talk to management but you won't lose your job and everyone makes mistakes, especially under the totally unacceptable conditions they have you working.

I hope you got some rest last night.

You've got a lot on your mind, keep sharing it - either on MN or with your management or the Samaritans. A problem shared and all that.

I hope you get some reassurance from your senior today. See if you can book a review meeting for next week to discuss how the problem can be avoided in the future, And then you can 'park' the issue and get on with enjoying your holiday with your family.

Be kind to yourself. You are a good person. You love and are loved.

We all do it, OP. I remember one time I was shocked and horrified, thinking I'd missed a deadline. (I worked in law and deadlines are vital). I drove 20 miles into work on a Sunday afternoon to check, and luckily everything was fine. It's because we care too much. Maybe we should care less.

Hi TheoriginalLEM,

Really sorry to hear you're struggling with all this worry.

We really hope that by now you've managed to speak to work and had some reassurance that things aren't as bad as you fear.

In the meantime, we thought we'd add a link to our Mental Health resources. There are lots of organisations listed there which can give you some support right now. Anxiety UK is a good place to start, as is Mind. Please take a look at the links.

You can also go to the Samaritans website, or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you'll be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek real life help and support as well.

We're going to move your thread over to our Mental Health topic now.

Sending good wishes.

Thankyou everybody- you kept me going last night. So it turns out it was fine - God was smiling down on me but it could have been very different.

My friend (senior) spoke to my line manager and made the point that i was under too much pressure. Both in terms of being rushed and taken away from my rota'd tasks, meaning i couldn't prepare properly for the other thing i was asked to do. Also lack of experience.

I need to learn to say no or not be taken out of my comfort zone.

My anxiety spiralled and i was likely catastrophising.

Thankyou everyone for supporting me - i live mumsnet.

Well done, LEM! Pleased to hear it all went well. Tbh, it usually does

Glad to hear it, LEM.

Hope you'll be able to make the most of your holiday now this work worry isn't hanging over you.

Take it easy.

Glad it went well for you OP.

You are deserving of support and well wishes though, don't think otherwise.

You are never alone in feeling the way you do - so many of us have been there! Always talk about it, even if it is just on mumsnet. Nobody should ever be alone when feeling so hopeless.

Fabulous news!! Have a very lovely holiday, you deserve it

Hey Lem. I'm really glad that things worked out ok with work. Hopefully things will change and you'll avoid the same pressure happening again.
Try and enjoy your holiday. As they say, a change is as good as a rest (whatever that means!!!)

Have a lovely holiday 🤗

I'm really happy to hear this. Hope you have a lovely, relaxing holiday

Just seen this LEM. What a great update

Oh my lovely I’ve onlh just seen this. Hoping you manage the holiday and that it’s just the break you need.

Hope your holiday has been restful and reinvigorating. Well done on facing up to your "mistake" and getting your friend's support. It all sounds very positive and both you and management know what needs to change to help you perform to your best.

Remember to take care of yourself and ask for help as soon as you feel things might get on top of you. I also hope your DH has been able to listen to how desperate you felt and will help you in the future.

❤️ op