Recovering from a trauma that happened to my child

[doowapwap]

Last year my DC suffered a terrible accident, I won't go into details in case I'm outed, but it was serious and required 2 surgeries and there had been a real risk they were going to lose a limb. I was there when it happened and it has had a huge impact on us all. My DC is getting help and is coping well, remarkably well. Me on the other hand, I'm a mess.

I look calm on the outside, like I have my shit together but underneath, it's utter chaos. I feel constantly on edge, like that panic I felt at the time is just below the surface. My mind replays the moment over and over again. I see it 100 times a day. I hear the screaming. Every time I see the scars, my heart hurts.

I've asked for help, there's a long wait, which I understand. I just had to say somewhere that actually I'm not ok. My DC is amazing and strong and beautiful, scars and all. This is hard though.

I don't have any advice OP but didn't want to read and run. It sounds like you have ptsd of some sort. I'm glad you're getting help. Would finances allow you to go for private counselling in the meantime? Do you have friends and family you can talk to?

You poor thing. It sounds like you've been so strong for your DD that you haven't yet had a chance to let your emotions out.
Like the previous poster said, can you afford a few private counselling sessions at all? It sounds like you would really benefit from someone to talk it through with.
Accidents happen. Your DD is ok. It happened but she has got through it and you can too with a bit of help.

Sorry DC not DD.

I think you should look into CBT. Certainly speak to your GP.

Thanks for the replies. My family are brilliant but they don't know the extent of my problems and I don't want to put that on them. They did suggest it's PTSD. I have a wonderful husband but even he doesn't know the full extent. I'm not embarrassed to tell him but it's hard to work out how to, to explain the chaos in my head. I have told a couple of friends and they have been great.

Sometimes just saying, in some way, that you're not ok, helps to accept that, if that makes sense?

We could probably afford to go private, Im going to consider it

Have you been prescribed any medication while you wait for CBT?

It does sound like PTSD, which is more than understandable.

Look into EMDR treatment, it is used to treat PTSD and could be very helpful for you. It has had a really positive effect for me. You will be able to find a private counsellor who is able to use that treatment with you, someone who specifies in trauma. In fact if you're in the west midlands I can recommend someone.

I don't know if it's widely available via the NHS. It may be more useful than CBT as it helps you re-program the memory and associated trauma.

You can search for a BACP accredited trauma therapist/EMDR specialism here:

www.bacp.co.uk/search/Therapists

I second what @pisspawpatrol said about EMDR. My husband has had it for his ptsd and it did wonders for him.

Thanks so much for the info, I will look into it. I'm on medication while I wait for assessment. The initial team I had an assessment with said they felt I need more support than they can offer so have referred me to the next level of help. I've got about 13 weeks to wait

I wanted to second what others have said re EMDR for PTSD. I found it really helpful to deal really quite quickly with past trauma and symptoms that sound similar to yours. If you can afford to go private this could be well worth exploring rather than waiting while you feel so traumatised. Be kind to yourself and allow yourself to access help x

Hi OP. I had PTSD for a similar reason. I had trauma focused CBT.
I'm glad you have a referral and hope it's not too long.
PTSD has a tendency to become worse rather than just recover over time so it's well worth treatment.
In the meantime if you can't afford private treatment learn some self care techniques, mindfulness and get outside everyday day for a walk, and have a bath every day. Learn about grounding techniques from sites such as ' No Panic'.
There is a partially funded counselling service from Anxiety UK which might be of use - look at their website.

I had two incidents with my DC which compared to yours were very mild and yet they left me quite anxious and overwrought. I can only imagine how bad the fall out for you is. Talking it over again and again will help if you have someone good to listen. Until you find help don't be hard on yourself thinking maybe you should be getting over it. It's very understandable that you are trraumatised after such a dreadful experience. Mind yourself.

If you feel like you haven't processed what happened enough then I suggest you ask about EMDR.

Hi OP. I understand how you feel. My dd didn't have an accident but she was extremely ill at three months old and we almost lost her. She was left with problems that required follow up and an operation when she was four. She's fine now but six years on I have times when I spiral back to that time and feel like I'm drowning. I'm only now going to therapy for it and it's starting to help. I'm only really starting to realise just how much I was walking around close to a breakdown, I knew I was bad but didn't realise how bad. Like you nobody would know. I would encourage you to get help for it, something serious happening your child is one of the scariest things. Mind yourself

I can also recommend EMDR. I had it to help process being sexually assaulted by someone I really trusted. I wasn't convinced to begin with, and while I was having the sessions I wasn't sure that it was helping. But after it finished I realised it had made a big difference. Obviously I can still remember what happened, but I don't feel the same emotional reaction. EMDR helps put an event in the past, and stops you constantly reliving it. I used to brood over certain details all the time - now I can barely remember them. The other day, I read my diary from just after it happened, and there were loads of details in there that I have now forgotten.

It was expensive, and it took about 10 sessions in all (I had to spend a few sessions explaining the context of our relationship, but as yours was a single incident it might not take so long). I'm not sure how readily available it is on the NHS, but some therapists will do a discount if you can't afford the full price.

Thanks for the all the advice. I will look into the specific counseling mentioned, I'll ask when I have my assessment.

I'm just exhausted with having a constant battle with myself

Hi OP, didn't want to read and run either. It definitely sounds like PTSD. What a thing to go through. As you say DD is doing so well and sure that's been a source of strength for you too.

I liken it to the fight, flight or freeze response. In cases of trauma I guess its a bit of fight and a bit of freeze. Its almost like the mind takes photographs of verything that happened and decides to get them out every now and then, except they are not 2D photos, they are full on thoughts, feelings, images, sounds etc.!0

I had a traumatic event a few years back. Initially I was ok - it was when I was through it that it got tough.

My advice would be don't throw yourself into too much or make any big decisions/plans/spending (I speak from experience!), find some kind of outlet (journalling was helpful), have a safe space where you can go and feel some of the feeelings but also tell yourself you are through it, be kind to yourself, set small goals. Make sure its the right therapy - I had cbt which was wrong, I actually just needed to talk about my feelings. Write down worries and look at if they are rational. Anyone you trust to open up to is good. I also did a couple of planned and 'safely crazy' things - a zip wire and climbing a mountain. Life trauma knocks your confidence but this can be a good way if feeling confident again. Pinpointing how the PTSD is affecting you will help get the right treatment.

 It does get better, I found the symptoms had reduced after about 6 months and gone after about 18 months.  Also dont be surprised if you feel the shocks for a few years, just keep as normal a life as possible

Now 3 years on I am so ready to embrace everything again

Nobody's, that's a really helpful post and its so helpful to hear people's positive experiences and coming out the other side. That's exactly what I need to hear, that you can heal and move on, even if it takes time.

I still feel so stuck in it all and yesterday was a particularly difficult day where it was just replaying over and over, but it's more than that, it's like I'm right there in it again. So much more than just remembering an event. Definitely held DC a bit tighter this morning to remind myself they are here and ok!

Again, thanks for all the support

HI OP .
I have had PTSD and still struggle with bad days although much better after treatment.
If you want to chat PM me x

Go sooner rather than later as the delay is going to damage you. Private if needed. Get back your sanity.

DC in accident is my biggest fear & reading your post is stressing me out, so you have my fullest sympathies & hugs!

Thank you stayclose, a kind offer.

Juliaandjulia, I am sorry I've stressed you out, I didn't mean to. It's such a sensitive subject, perhaps I should have put a warning in the title. It's every parents worst nightmare to see their child in that condition

Glad you had a lovely hug with your DD. All good wishes

I had a similar thing and was offered counselling when I was at the OT with my Dd. I didn't feel like I needed it but they said the offer was there. Could you enquire about something similar?