Last year my DC suffered a terrible accident, I won't go into details in case I'm outed, but it was serious and required 2 surgeries and there had been a real risk they were going to lose a limb. I was there when it happened and it has had a huge impact on us all. My DC is getting help and is coping well, remarkably well. Me on the other hand, I'm a mess.
I look calm on the outside, like I have my shit together but underneath, it's utter chaos. I feel constantly on edge, like that panic I felt at the time is just below the surface. My mind replays the moment over and over again. I see it 100 times a day. I hear the screaming. Every time I see the scars, my heart hurts.
I've asked for help, there's a long wait, which I understand. I just had to say somewhere that actually I'm not ok. My DC is amazing and strong and beautiful, scars and all. This is hard though.