I seriously need some help with my fucked up head.

[Aerop]

I can't cope anymore with myself.

Social anxiety - too shy, too quiet
Low self esteem
low self confidence
Poor social skills
Procrastination
Poor boundaries
Complex PTSD.
Self loathing / utterly hate myself- feel like im not a nice person
Not assertive
Lack direction
Failure in career. Just can't get a job better than nmw.

Ive tried cbt, therapy, books, online resources, mindfulness classes, all sorts of shit. I've wasted money, time and energy on changing myself. Trying to change my fucked up self.

I cant do it anymore. I've lost hope and I want to give up. Nothing ever changes and

You mentioned you’ve tried all sorts, have you been to your GP and tried medication? It helped me to stabilise my mood and then try CBT/counselling. I’m far from cured but I’m much better than I was.

I wonder if you get the right help for the anxiety and PTSD, you might not hate yourself quite so much? Mental illness is horrific, I’m sorry you’re suffering. Do you have any real life support from family or friends?

Hello Aerop, we're really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website, or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

We're going to move this thread over to the Mental Health section in a moment.

Thanks. Im on medication. Tried all sorts over the years. Can't seem to find anything that makes me "better". Gp has basically said I need to work on myself on my own and meds aren't really going to do anything for me.

Im sorry if my op sounds a bit crazy but im not suicidal or anything. Just going through a bit of a low period and just feel so sad about everything really.

I had to properly lose the plot on a GP visit, then was referred to a psychiatrist through the crisis team. This was after a breakdown, 12 months of med changes, meeting with 'wellbeing teams', that were useless.
I feel your pain.
Seems I have ADHD, which I hadn't considered. It makes sense now.

Have you been referred for DBT? Although it is not effective for everyone, it is seen as the gold standard for BPD/ CPTSD.

With an experienced practitioner EMDR can be really effective for CPTSD but do check they have worked with with CPTSD clients before.
It’s a long journey out of PTSD/CPTSD, please don’t give up 💐

I completely forgot about EMDR. My mum also had it for CPTSD and it really helped her.

Thanks for the suggestions. I haven't heard if dbt. Can you get that though the NHS? I haven't had emdr. My trauma is mainly small T stuff and alot of it I can't remember because I've ended up blocking it out

Maybe take a break from fixing yourself and go back to self care basics?

What do you do for fun? Do you have a hobby?

Sconesandtea what do you mean by self care basics? Sorry if stupid question!

cakeandchampagne I don't do anything. Definitely not since having kids.

What did you do for fun before you had children? What would you do now if you had the time/money/energy?

Things like swimming, art, doing classes at my.local college in the evening. Used to do cookery/ photography classes. These things mean getting out of the house without kids.

Not at all! Meant doing kind things for yourself. Sleep, nutrition, pampering yourself, exercise class, creative hobby, walks with children. Anything you would like to train in long term?

How old are your kids? Do you have any help with them?
Maybe you could take one photo each day of something interesting.

How are you doing this week?

Hey thank you for asking. It really means a lot . Im not so bad. I am trying to make some sort of plan. Make some very small changes. It feels all so overwhelming and I don't know where to start but I'm going to try to go back to basics and start off small. Like going for regular walks/ taking my vits/ etc. Ive checked my local mental health services and they do offer EMDR but I don't think I'm ready for that right now.

Your “very small changes” will all add up and help!