Anxiety

[FrozenMargarita17]

I feel so horribly anxious today that I'm really struggling.

Does anyone want a chat? I really need some company or distraction.

So just from reading your posts you already have a layer of anxiety going on - your husband is in a potentially dangerous place with sporadic contact. That right there is a layer of anxiety.
So then other stuff comes on top of that - looking after your dd alone. It’s exhausting, overwhelming and relentless, that’s another layer of anxiety (I’m a single parent so get it). You’re trying to do your best which I’m sure you are but it’s a pressure.

Then you have what happened today - the icing on the cake of hideous anxiety. No wonder you feel like you do.

I completely get the way you feel about yourself and I think that’s what I mean when I say anxiety lies to you. It’s telling you all this shit, and it’s like a little mean person on your shoulder.

You're a superhero being a single parent and dealing with anxiety.

It's so awful because sometimes I can see it happening and I still spiral and end up in this state. I feel like I'm on the edge of tears all the time.

I love my dd so much, and I am a very new sahm and I just wish my dh hadn't gone on this holiday. I wouldn't be selfish enough to stop him going but it's been so stressful and I can't bear to see pictures when I get them etc because I'm struggling badly here and they only make me more anxious/angry. I feel terrible from all sides.

It can be very lonely being a sahm. I found it really tough and felt like I lost my whole identity for a while.

This is no criticism specifically to your dh but I do think the majority of men can walk out of the house and go to work or on holiday without feeling the same ties to their children and I resented that and it made me angry when I was worrying and tired and just trying to keep everything going. And I mean just the every day stuff. Everything becomes about everyone else and you’re left feeling a bit ‘what about me’. I’m not sure if I’m explaining myself very well!

It is so, so hard to bring yourself back from anxiety when you’re really in it. It’s horrible. Keeping busy helps me, listening to audio books or podcasts stops my brain chattering.

No I understand and I was just saying this to my friend - that if I went away for 2 weeks for a holiday in a potentially dangerous place etc I would feel enormously guilty and would worry etc. He has called when he can but you're right. In fact, tbh I would not go to a potentially dangerous place that I wouldn't be able to communicate. I don't know, I did say he should go and I was fine with it but then he went and I thought jeez I'm on my own, and dd is being really difficult the last week or so, and he's looking at lovely things with a lovely bunch of people while his fat ugly wife stays at home and does the drudgery stuff.

That's a short version of what my brain tells me all day lol

I usually play sudoku and scroll and watch satisfying videos but I find myself stuck to my phone and getting more and more anxious. And I deleted my IG app today because I kept seeing his lovely picture of mountains and rivers and beautiful people he's with and I just thought how stark the contrast was and I was upset about dd in the pond and it made it worse

Oh I get the phone thing. I think it’s because I’m desperate for a distraction when I feel crappy but yes inevitably it makes you feel worse. It can give you an anxiety stick to beat yourself with. I know I’m in an anxious spiral when I start comparing myself to others and what a great time everyone seems to be having.
I only follow close friends or positivity on Instagram. But I can’t handle that fake bleugh positivity!!
You need to read ‘f*ck it: the ultimate spiritual way’ it is not about anxiety as such or a cure book but it hekos me out stuff in perspective when I’m out of sorts.

That sounds like a good book and I do like to read. I wish I was bloody mentally stronger. It's exhausting being like this

Hekos?? I think I meant to write helps.

Yes it is exhausting because you’re on high alert all the time even when you don’t realise it.
Right I’m signing off for a bit because I’m sooo tired but please feel free to pm me but I’ll check in tomorrow too.

Totally get it. I first started suffering from anxiety when I emigrated to another Country and struggled to settle. It’s come and gone a few times since then. The last few months it’s been bad as I’m retraining for a new career and have to take exams.

With your dh being away, and your feelings of being stuck at home with the worry about him, and the hard work of a toddler, I can understand why the anxiety has reared it’s head.
I can’t offer solutions for dealing with an acute flare up of anxiety apart from talking to someone you can confide in. I have recently read a couple of books in the subject which were interesting and had some tips.

Anxiety Rebalance by Carl Vernon
Making Friends With Anxiety by Sarah Rayner

Although one more quick thing - I’ve found trying to fight against the anxiety doesn’t work. Or hiding it or trying to squish it down. It just comes back to bite you in the butt. I say out loud sometimes, it’s ok, it can’t hurt me, these are just feelings, it feels horrible but the hideousness will pass.

Thank you both. I really appreciate you being there. Dd woke up last night and I fell asleep with her. Dh messaged this morning so at least he knows.

I didn't sleep well.

Good morning
Hope you have a better day today. The weather should be good so try to get out and get some sunshine on your face, I always think that helps.
I was awake in the night worrying myself silly about exams, but I just accepted it and told myself I would feel better in the morning- and I do.

I am always able to get myself to sleep by using my hypnobirthing techniques. And you're right things all do feel better in the morning. It's just when my brain starts working again that it all goes downhill! I'm definitely going to get out today.

Thank you all so much for replying. It's so nice to have people to chat to

Good morning I'm sorry I didn't come back last night I was up and down with the little ones. Have you tried the deep breathing to calm yourself from a huge panic? It does help me I don't know how, but if you breathe in as deep as you can in one long go, then hold for three seconds, then breathe out fully totally empty your lungs, then do it again a couple more times, it slows my heart rate right down and makes me feel calmer for a little while.
I hope you can get out today and have a decent day with no more drama. Getting out does really take my mind off things, stops me going over things in my head. It must be tough being alone with your dc, parenting is not easy!

How are you feeling today?

I feel a bit better today. There are lots of distractions - my sister and nephew are here so it's nice to see them play together. I'm still feeling worried about things and I haven't yet been able to speak to my husband.

We've also got a dinner later which I think will be a challenge because dd doesn't want to sit still anymore and it's at 5ish so I just KNOW she will be fractious.

I can't seem to get things under control. I feel alright and then I suddenly feel awful again

That rollercoaster of feelings sounds familiar to me! One minute you feel like you are coping and have got this, next minute everything has fallen apart again. Aargh! It’s exhausting isn’t it?
It’s temporary though remember. Shit, really shit, but temporary. It will eventually pass.

@missyB1 I honestly am exhausted. I've been on high alert for so long now

This thread has been a comfort in a strange way, not that you're suffering of course OP, but I am experiencing anxiety in similar circumstances and it helps to know I am not alone. My DH has always worked away a lot and I am often left doing all the parenting. My two DS are 10 and 15 now so in many ways it is easier than when they were little, but still relentless in terms of chores and responsibility. My anxiety manifests itself in physical symptoms such as a feeling of butterflies in the stomach (I can't describe it any better than that), trouble getting off to sleep and waking early, and the latest lovely feeling of a lump in the throat and sometimes needing to wretch. I can't/won't talk to anyone irl about this as it just seems so hard to admit to. On the surface I cope but underneath is always the anxiety bubbling away.
My work is stressful too which doesn't help. I have an interview on Monday for a less stressful role but whilst I really want the job, the thought of the interview is ramping up my anxiety!
Anyway enough rambling on, but I do think it helps to know you're not alone. for you OP and anyone else struggling.

@MoniqueTonique thank you for replying. Yes I've had the same which has been that awful 'drop' feeling in your stomach like when you're on a rollercoaster, over and over today. My dd hasn't been too badly behaved today and my dh did call in the end.

www.thetappingsolution.com/

@FrozenMargarita17 I have just discovered this tapping technique, sounds completely wacky but its free and you can do it at home, there's an app with some guided meditations. I have done the anxiety one a few times, it seems to help a bit. Anything's worth a try I guess!