late 30s and feel pointless

[sam221]

Just that really, i'm in my very late 30s, single [have helped raise a couple of children-who are all adults] Until recently I had a business but due to circumstances outside of my control, was manipulated out.
I literally have done nothing at all since mid-December: my day starts about 4pm, i wake, have coffee, around 5/6pm cook dinner, eat 7pmish and then i retire back to my room. I go to sleep around 8am and then repeat my day.
I am fortunate that i do not have to worry about money, i order a weekly food shop and that's it.
Not sure what the hell i'm meant to do, also 20/30 years more living seems pointless in this way.
I was going to go travelling but I spent the last 20 years helping to raise kids, building a business, so lost most of my friends.
I am scared to travel by myself, logically i know i will be fine but i don't even feel like leaving my house.
A few weekends i have been to the supermarket but i literally done nothing else.
I spend most of my time surfing the internet,watching rubbish tv and all of this on my laptop in bed.
Somedays I dont even want to leave my bed at all but i make a point of making dinner but i end up making a lot of mess-which doesn't please my cleaner.
For the last 10 years at least i have not spent much time, for myself or even being home.
I feel completely at a loss, alone and without any direction.
I have always been the one to take charge and help others, crisis manage and generally every bodies go to problem solver.
I feel as i age i will become a burden on my family and think i should manage myself out of this pointless life i am leading.
I would be the first to help my family out of their problems but i feel like over the years, i have given and given and now i have nothing.
I feel invisible, miserable and just useless.
I have been thinking about killing myself but feel cowardly about the actual act. I think logically it would be the best solution for me because living like this is hard.
I can not go to my GP at all because i have specific insurance policies for various companies-who access my medical files,[at least once a year] my policies are done by a family member-who would tell my immediate family.
Not sure what I am asking but anyone reading this post i appreciate you reading this post.

Hi Sam221, I have just come across this thread. I’m so pleased that you are feeling somewhat better and you have a plan to help you move upwards. Good luck over the next few days. I find these early days are hardest to push through, when you’re starting to change your schedule and find the energy and motivation to go outside. But keep going!

That sounds like a real shift in your thinking, hope you can keep going with that. Doing one small thing a day is a great idea and much more manageable than thinking you have to change everything at once.

Good to hear you are keeping on. And turning the juggernaut slowly. It is all about small steps and building a virtuous circle towards happiness and out of the fog.

Great to hear of your ring purchase and self care. We must love ourselves and look after ourselves. No one else can truly do this for us, and each of us entirely deserve it.

It is a very poignant story of your gentleman friend, of the shortness of life and the value of experiences and relationships. Strange as it sounds, a parting gift for you.

Do keep checking in, happy to walk with you as far as you like.