Totally fed up

[Crappygilmore]

My dh is possibly going to prison. My ds has just been diagnosed with autism. I have never felt a success or pretty. I have mental health issues going back to when i was raped age 9. I feel fucking lonely and unattractive. A failure and a mug. I have no real friends and my family won't help me due to dh's crime. I want to die tbh. The only thing that is keeping me hear on earth is my son. I cant help but feel what the fuck did i do to deserve this life. Am i such a bad person that everything in my world bites me on the ass at every available opportunity. Im not on hear to get sympathy. I dont mind if noone answers. I just want to get it out their because i have noone to talk too. Im terrible at replying anyway. Sorry move on to another post. I just need to vent.

I'm sorry you're going through so much OP and it seems at the minute, it's just one thing after another. Have you reached out to your gp or support groups? I'm glad your son gives you focus. It sounds as if you've got it really thought at the moment.

Tough*

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website, or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

Thank u for your kind words. I am on the waiting list for help. But its long. I cant talk to people irl . I just had to get this off my chest. It eats away at me . I have no thoughts of self harm or suicide . Im just thoroughly miserable. I will try the Samaritans when im alone. Thanks.

As long as your safe OP. It can be so hard to see the woods from the trees and I think you're brave for talking about it. What thinks give you some sort of joy or even normality?