Feel like such a fraud :(

[MissChananderlerbong]

When DH and I got together he was working towards his commercial pilots licence... It’s a long hard road so I guess part of me thought he wouldn’t make it... anyway, he has and next month he starts with a big long haul airline.

The problem is, I am petrified of flying. Not the flying part, but the being trapped unable to escape part. I have been on planes, but need to have a few drinks (2-3) to even get on the bloody things.

I feel like such a fraud. I also feel like I need to finally try and get over this. Has anyone else got this problem? How did you get over it? I want to join DH on his trips he keeps excitedly talking about, but it just makes my tummy turn thinking about it.

What if I panic at 4 hours in? (I’ve had one big panic attack in my life where I thought I couldn’t breathe and it’s scared me ever since). What if he’s flying it and I demand he lands it because of my panic?! 😳

Anyone? Help!!

Can you see your gp about beta blockers ?
You won't be asking him to land because you won't get anywhere near the cockpit.

Beta blockers are worth a try... do they stop the physical symptoms? Therefore helping to alleviate the psychological ones too? As your body feels calm?
It's the horrific urgent desire to escape I hate

How often do you think you would be going with him when he's working?

Have you tried Diazepam?

Really sorry OP but I did chuckle at the idea of you thinking that you could demand your husband land the plane for you 🙊

Probably 2/3 times a year. Then probably 2 holidays with the airline (but he wouldn't be flying). I'd love to just look forward to seeing the world rather than this irrational fear

Oh I know he wouldnt land it, for one he's not the captain so not his decision.
Laughing at how ridiculous it is is helping though!
I haven't tried diazepam, I think I need a trip to the GP

Beta blockers are to steady your heart rate - they won't give any psychological effects.

There are nervous flyer courses that could be worth a try?

Hi OP I was similar to you and went on a fear of flying course run by a big airline. It wasn’t an instant fix, but they give you breathing techniques and things to do to prepare yourself. I noticed a difference right away (though tiny) and now have no issues. I dont love flying but I’m ok with it, and travel as much as I can now.

Do the flying courses help with people that are agoraphobic? I don't mind the actual flying bit.
I had a flying lesson last year and was fine because I was in control and the little plane had a window (I realise how absurd this sounds)

Thanks hendal, it's great to hear from someone who's got better. It gives me hope 😄 Il look into the course. Worth a shot.

@MissChananderlerbong I completely understand where you're coming from as I have quite severe anxiety and struggle with the idea of being 'trapped' too (generally can't sit through a meeting at work without an anxiety attack so flying is NOT fun!).

I haven't taken a flying course as, for me, it's the trapped feeling rather than anything to do with flying that is the issue.
I did try beta blockers and noticed a slight difference but I think the psychological side is much bigger than the physical side.

Have you spoken to your GP about CBT? They told me they would refer me but I never got the referral so get by self-managing, although it's not ideal!

OP when I tell you how bad my fear of flying is it’s incredible I shake the whole time, my mind makes me smell burning or make up fake noises like engine failure all sorts. Strangers have to hold my hand and comfort me I’m completely irrational to the point that when I land I think I’ve escaped actual death 😂 sleeping pills or beta blockers just seem to make me more parinoid. I’ve had CBT too.
I really want to book a course as I’ve heard it’s great but I can’t get one just yet. Maybe look into one of those ?

I take diazepam, prescribed by GP specifically for flying. Doesn't stop the fear but does stop a panic attack. I also have the book 'flying without fear' which is good. For me it's loss of control and unshaking certainty that we are going to crash and die (I'm scared of death)

Oh and the pure elation on landing and not being dead is amazing! So at least there's that .

HK you should feel very proud of yourself that you feel that way and fly regardless. I think for me part of getting better is just getting on with it even though I dont feel 'cured'.
I'm so pleased there are people who feel the same as me on this thread.
I thought I was mad!
I think a trip to the GP and the flying course may be the start of fixing this. I'm a bit scared though as I know how hard it will be!

HK self managing here too! I mainly just use alcohol to be honest. My DH has started to notice and on our last flight he told me not to drink too much beforehand. I only had 1 pint and was a nervous wreck! I had my children with me which helped as I was concentrating on them, I was surprised how Much that helped.
I need to get over this 'trapped' thing tho... I even stress in the lift in the terminal!!

RL just I'm so impressed to see people on here like you who are petrified of the actual flying and do it anyway. This is genuinely helping me, thank you!!
What's the longest flights you've done?

I fly a few times a year and I am terrified. The way I deal with it is with this routine: no matter where we are in the world, no matter what time of the day, after passport control we head for the bar and order a couple of glasses of champagne and some nuts or something. Then we have a couple more glasses, then maybe a third glass each.

The champagne, and also the routine I think, help to steady my nerves. I will also have a glass of red on the plane and another one with dinner.

I am not a big drinker, but it helps with my nerves when I’m flying.

In answer to your question, my usual flight is 16 hours.

I read Allen Carr's book on Fear of Flying years ago, It really helped me with my fear of flying. I used to take double/triple dosage of Bach's rescue remedy before I would get on flight or Valerian tablets, they help and are out of your system quite quickly.

www.allencarr.com/fear-of-flying/easyway-overcome-fear-of-flying-on-demand/

I've only flown twice in my life (I'm 30 for context), mainly because the thought stresses me out so much, but both times I have taken beta blockers. They helped massively, like you say they block the physical symptoms which helps you stay more mentally calm as well because you don't get sucked into the fear cycle!

Beleive it or not I’ve been to over 30 countries with long haul flights to Thailand and India etc. But since I’ve got older my fear seems to have increased so at the moment I don’t think I could book on a flight more than 5 hours away. I flew with Norwegian airlines last year and they had WIFI on board for some reason this really helped me being able to text or watsapp people while flying. Somehow it made me feel less trapped if that makes sense xx

girl 16 hours?! You're my hero. I have a similar routine but with beer!
tea That Allen Carr stuff looks great, seems like it's very logical
witchy I like the idea of taking the physical symptoms away... they dont look too addictive either
RLOU that does make sense about the wifi, it's funny what works isn't it?!
This chat has already make me feel better. Everyone I've ever met is scared of flying because of the actual flying bit

Hi not sure if this will help but I'm very claustrophobic and freeze first then panic if I can't stay frozen (if that makes sense ) however I also fly as both a private pilot and a passenger with no problems , better seated towards the front where it's less distance to to exit and better in the isle . ( used to prefer window to be able to see out ) but I think in time you will build up a tolerance and find what works for you

Can you try short trips first and build up ?