I have a long history of serious mental health problems following a childhood of emotional abuse from my parents and as we grew up from my younger sister too.
My diagnosis is psychotic depressive disorder and PTSD. I have been hospitalised 4 times in the last 7 years for a month each time.
Nearly 3 years ago I went NC with my birth family. I have a wonderful supportive DH and 2 teenage DS.
I was just getting better to the point where I felt life was worth fighting for when I became physically ill. After 6 months of struggling I was diagnosed with a severe and possibly life limiting heart condition.
It felt so unfair on my family. I feel ill constantly and have very little energy.
Lately I am finding it harder and harder to keep a brave face on the situation and hide how I really feel.
I am feeling desperately low, I can’t sleep and I am finding myself thinking about self harm, something I have history of. I can’t keep putting my family through me being ill, sometimes I think they would be better without me.
I don’t know where to go for help. I just feel I’m letting everyone down again. And I include my wonderful psychiatrist and counsellor in that. Everyone worked so hard to get me well and once again I have ruined it.