Citolapram - real life invasion of the body snatchers?

[Moaj]

My partner and i have been married for many years, we have had our ups and downs, but our kids meant the world to us, we were literally besotted with them. Over a year ago my partner started taking citolapram, which they believed helped them no end....

However, i have watched my partner go from a person to a shell of a person. They behave like a person, smile, laugh, play with the kids but its like a blanket of mist has been placed around their view of whats normal and acceptable behaviour. Right and wrong has blurred into one, if i could liken it to anything, i would say go watch the movie ‘invasion of the body snatchers’, it really is as close as youll get to understanding what the journey ahead may look like. My partner no longer resembles my partner, i dont mean in looks, i mean mentally & emotionally, which ultimately is what we love, looks fade but who and what we are doesnt.

Two years ago, we would both have rather died than put our kids through separation, but now my partner is driving us through this process and is absolutely fine with it, watching our daughter cry when we argue and they literally blink the image away in a split second and move on like its no big deal. If citolapram makes you ok to watch your child cry their eyes out and gives you the ability to swiftly move on, then in my view it is a terrible thing. If you can even remotely contemplate thrusting separation on young kids before exhausting every possible avenue to avoid hurting them, then imo this tablet, or type of tablet is straight from hell.

I understand some people need medication and i agree with that. But i have young children who are now looking at me and asking how i could be part of devastating their little safety bubble of a world, and im not, citolapram is doing this and their is nothing i can do to save them.

Well, many people take citalopram and don’t have that reaction at all. Have you considered that it’s not the medication and is just the mental state of your partner?

He could change meds to see if it helps.

It isn't very kind or responsible to make such an outrageous claim about citalopram, since many readers of the thread will be taking it or considering taking it, or know someone who is taking it.

It can't transform a person into something they are not, any more than ibuprofen can. Your partner is responsible for his behaviour.

Why are you both arguing in front of our child anyway? Can you not wait until the are out of the house at least?

Doesn’t sound a healthy environment for them at all and if he’s not willing/ able to change hen you have to step up and get them out of the harmful situation they are in.

I have taken citalopram and know other people who have with no reaction.
So either he is having and extremely unusual reaction, in which case he should see a GP....or this is actually how he feels, and maybe his feelings for his family have changed.

I think he needs to go back to the Dr's and try a different drug.

Citalopram has turned me from a zombie back into the person I was before. Its a god send.

Everyone reacts differently and it seems this isn't the drug for him from your description

Your objection to your partner's behaviour seems to be that he is pressing ahead with separation even though that is upsetting for the whole family. Could it simply be that anti-depressants have given him back a capacity to get on with his life and take difficult decisions he couldn't face before?

It is natural that during a separation you feel extremely hurt by him, but the fact that his behaviour hurts you does not make it pathological. Separations are desperately painful. Medication doesn't make them that way.

I agree with previous posters, partner is more likely still depressed and citalopram not working rather than this being an effect of the Citalopram !

I accept and understand the points raised, i already said some people need this medication, and it definately works for treating depression- i am simply describing what it also does (maybe to some, maybe to all - i dont know)

When you are married, you know your partner intimately, you know all their traits. My partner is a completely different person now, some of their behaviour has been absolutely outlandish but they cannot comprehend their actions are wrong.
This isnt about the medication working or not working, they have morphed into a completely different person from the last 15 years. I wasnt using reference to the film invasion of the bodysnatchers lightly!!!!

I get some people need medication, however, since my partner started taking it, our world has turned upside down and they no longer resemble the person i have lived with and loved for 15 years. Their personality HAS changed, their behaviour HAS changed, they no longer see right from wrong, the medication works fine as they are happy.......blindly happy walking our family over a cliff. Is it a coincidence this out of world change of character/behaviour happened exactly at around the same time as the medication started.
You decide..

Im not in any way telling people not to take medication, i think the term forearmed is forewarned is very apt and if my story saves one family from separation, then at least my childrens tears arent in vain

You say his behaviour is 'outlandish' but saying he wants to ended a relationship is not at all outlandish.

As someone said before, sometimes getting mental health treatment helps you face difficult decisions.

When i say outlandish, i mean being completely rude and disrespectful to people and being oblivious to doing it, nor accepting of their poor behaviour when its pointed out to them in black and white.
This is real, this is not a whim or being upset at the end of a marriage.
I understand marriages sometimes dont work, however, a lot of you are missing the point, my partners personality was the same for 14 years, after citolapram, their personality completely changed, and their behaviour is wrong, and they are oblivious to everything, its as if they are ‘not themselves’, again i refer to the invasion of the bodysnatchers. For clarity:

Citolapram works for treating depression
People should seek help for depression

However, imo peoples behaviour/character/personality/empathy shouldnt completey change when they do take medication, they should simply be not down or depressed.

ALL these changes which have resulted in a happy family of 15 years with kids being smashed apart, coincidentally started at around the same time as the medication started.

This is an FYI for people so they know to look out for these possible changes

What dose does he take?

Think its 20 or 30mg

The only time I’ve heard of it affecting someone’s character so much was when they had undiagnosed bipolar because the medication can set off mania or hypomania in those that have the condition.

If you really do think the medication has dramatically altered his character then could you persuade him to go to his doctor?

Unfortunately not, they believe i am the cause of everything thats wrong in the world, so if i say something, they figure the worst negative connotation of it, and run with it. No matter what i say, how much i beg, plead for them to seek help, they revert to ignoring me trying to help, and run with me being the problem.
Unfortunately they have also convinced all there family that i am the bad person, so they are being propped by family that think they are doing a good thing.
I wish there was a way to get through to them but i have tried everything and have nowhere left to turn.

As i say, if this post saves one family from separation, at least some good has come from this terrible experience

Why have people assumed the partner is a he when the OP has carefully called them they all the way through?

I think we're only hearing one side of this. It's possible being on ADs has lifted them from a long cloud of depression and confusion and given them some clarity.

OP, you were happy before but clearly your partner wasn't otherwise why the medication? You are uncomfortable that the status quo has been changed a and sound selfish yourself. Has it exposed issues that previously brought to the surface?

*previously weren't

Its frightening to let some people have opinions. To take random (and incorrect) guesses about me as a person, and then end of a 15 year marriage is beyond comprehensible.

Im not looking for anything, sympathy or otherwise, just that another family may avoid being dismantled.

I have only listed facts in my post, together with coincidental timeframes, which i have clearly stated.

Incidentally, my partner and i were more than happy, unfortunately dealing with an ongoing illness, coupled with the stress of children are what started the road to depression.

Ass umers eh!

Did your partner also have counselling?

What are they saying are the problems you have caused?

I am just very doubtful that your partner is not thinking straight as a result of taking citalopram. How do other people assess their behaviour? You have said their family are on side with it.

I'm reading this as "my wife has been taking antidepressants and now says she wants to separate, no matter how much I make the children cry by telling them how awful it will be and that I don't want it".
Is that at all right?

There was a post on another thread on here from someone who had experienced similar problems, they said there partner who had previously been very loving had changed into not being loving neither to their partner nor kids after the same medication, they went on to say that their partner had “said and done things in the last few months that had left me feeling devastated, but acts like he coudnt care less”.
Might be worth lookkng up the article.

I am perfectly lucid and can clearly see my partner has changed into a completely different person, their behaviour is irrational and clouded.
I dont want to go over this again, as we are digressing from what i was trying to do, which is simply make people aware that sometimes these tablets bring more than happiness, i suppose you could maybe even say for every ying, there may very well be a yang!

I think the only thing you can do is to separate. He can’t blame you for all the problems if you’re not there.

Take care of yourself

Well the only outlandish behaviour you've been able to cite, despite numerous requests, has been that he's been rude to others. But also that others are on their side.

I am sorry to say, it sounds as though he has not been happy in the relationship and he only recently has been able to express this. It sounds like a shock to you. I hope you get support for yourself.

I feel sometimes on here it’s easy to give opinion and not be cognisant of the feelings, just the situation in black and white (or green and black depending on your MN settings!)

What you’re going through sounds very difficult and I’ve closed my eyes for a moment and tried to imagine if I was in your shoes. It would be devastating. I’m sorry you’re going through something so upsetting.

It may very well be the citalopram but it could be a number of things mentioned upthread too. Many people take this drug and it has made a positive difference for them but not all drugs suit all people so worth a visit back to the gp if your partner is willing to go.

People considering taking this drug should be given all pertinent information beforehand so that they can make an informed decision. Most will also do some research of their own and likely come across threads like this. It will be up to then to make their own decisions based on all available information whether it be clinical or from google. Who and what they trust will be subjective and hugely personal so I wouldn’t feel you’ve done anything wrong or insensitive by posting this. You’re just adding your thoughts and experiences which is what we all do here and on other forums.

I take escitalopram, a slightly different drug and I made the decision based on clinical advice after lots of questions. I’ve learned google (which leads to threads like this) is not the most reliable source of unbiased, scientifically reliable information.

Hope things improve for you

No the children are unaware as yet, they briefly see parting shots between us, not full on arguments, but to answer your question, no im not making the children cry by dangling something as horrific as that in front of them.

Thank you to those with kind words. To those less kind, i did clearly say that the tablet definately works as an antidepressant, its just that it may or may not bring other changes with it.
IMO its benefits are far outweighed by the costs, i have lost my partner of 15 years and my children have lost their happy stable family. If my partner could have sought therapy coupled with some sort of exercise programme, my childrens world possibly may not have been destroyed.
And yes i know medication is a necessity for some......but shouldnt be the first port of call

Have a nice day

I thinks it’s important to point out that personality change is not a recognised side effect of cotalopram. (You can report it to the relevant people to investigate if you think it is) and that people should seek medical advice before being put off taking it !