Think I'm the girl who cried wolf.

[NellieBee]

I feel absolutely desperately suicidal. I can't stop obsessively googling ways to do it and feel incredibly unsafe. I have OCD and my obsessive thoughts have always been horrific, but this is something else.

However I have been suicidal so many times before that I think my partner no longer takes much notice. But this time feels DIFFERENT. It is taking over my every minute just trying to stay alive.

I am currently an inpatient in a psych hospital for my OCD and I have told my consultant I want to kill myself but he seems unbothered.

I don't have any suggestions other than have you looked at Pure O, it sounds like you may have that. Hang on in there, it really does get better.

You sound terrified. Tell the healthcare people again around you. You will be ok. Your partner loves you. Its ok. This will pass. We believe you. Youre in a lot of pain and are really scared. Youre in a safe place. Its ok. Youre ok. Tell your doc again. Explain it feels difference. Sorry you dont feel heard. We are here listening and believe you.

Sorry- forgot to say my OCD is not remotely related to this. I have contamination OCD related to germs/health anxiety and am deemed very low risk here.

Speak to a staff nurse, OT, SW, anyone. Someone you like/trust. Just tell them what you have told us here. Give them your phone, show them what you've been googling and say, "I'm unable to keep myself safe." Maybe they can put you on more regular obs.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. You're in the right place. Please talk to someone who is there, they are here to help you, really. You can keep yourself safe, remember that the thoughts are intrusive, but you can control them.

I don't know what else to suggest, you say it is not OCD related, do you have depression or any other mental illness?

Nellie obsessive thoughts are a form of OCD. Please talk to someone on the ward about this.

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website, or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

We are going to move this thread to the Mental Health section shortly.

You poor thing, your fear and distress comes through in your writing.

I would tell every staff member you can find over and over again what's happening, write it down if need be. I hope you get someone to listen.