Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Mental health

Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

I dont think I can do this..

53 replies

Electroma · 02/07/2007 23:33

Basically - long story short - I live with my parents and my DS, 2.6.

They have gone on holiday.

I have never been alone with him (i mean for lengths of time) never slept in the house alone with him. After i split with his dad, i moved here and have not been alone before.

I;ve never lived alone either, and I cant do this.

I am scared, keep getting to the brink of panic attacks, then i am freaking myself, its getting worse. I can hardly breathe.

It is only the second night. I dont know what to do. I cant do this for two weeks.

someone please help me

OP posts:

TooTicky · 03/07/2007 00:06

Oh, nowhere near me then.
Joining the library is free and quick - think you may just need to bring something with proof of your address. Really lovely, friendly places with lots of bright books for your ds to enjoy.

Original poster

Electroma · 03/07/2007 00:08

okay i could try that.

i will go tomorrow. (if the rain is not on!)

I am just such a bad mother and i dont think i'll ever get over that.

i cant keep doing this

OP posts:

TooTicky · 03/07/2007 00:10

You are NOT a bad mother. Really. Take it one stage at a time, and breathe deeply. You and your ds will be absolutely fine.

Original poster

Electroma · 03/07/2007 00:11

thank you

i really appreciate it, i know i am being stupid and probably annoying but it does really help coming on here.

OP posts:

tutu100 · 03/07/2007 00:12

You are not a bad mother. DS regularly is in pyjamas at midday. It doesn't matter. Occasionally forgetting to brush your childs teeth is not a crime either.

Don't beat yourself up about things. Try and go out tomorrow even if it is just for a walk up the road.

The library is an excellent idea.

Will your ds watch cbeebies. When I have been up since 5 with ds I let him watch it for a couple of hours whilst I doze on the sofa. Sometimes it's the only thing that keeps me going.

tutu100 · 03/07/2007 00:14

Meant to say look at it this way even if you muddle through the 2 weeks at the end you will have done it! And you will feel so proud of yourself.

TooTicky · 03/07/2007 00:16

You are not stupid or annoying.
I'm off to bed now as I have to be up early with the dcs. Do try and get some sleep - sleep deprivation just makes everything seem worse.
Give me an email tomorrow and let me know how you got on at the library [email protected]

Original poster

Electroma · 03/07/2007 00:19

worse than cbeebies - he watches milkshake while i do breakfast. then he gets stuck in front of the telly all day with dvds (he calls them dvdv's!) while i nap or just sit doing nothing..

i really am awful. i hate myself for it.

i will try to go out though tomorrow. even just to the shop up the road if its not raining.

i just let him watch telly and practically ignore him. it makes me fell so bad.

i dont want him to get treated like that for 2 weeks.

OP posts:

HonoriaGlossop · 03/07/2007 00:21

I hope that one day you are able to get some sort of assistance for you to look at your perception of yourself. It seems very low currently. Just on this thread you speak of yourself as stupid, annoying, and a bad mother.

No wonder you doubt your abilities to cope, when this is what you feel.

I am already really, really impressed with how strong you are actually. Because you ARE coping. You are there, with your ds. You're on here getting some support.

Definitely break the time into short chunks. During the night, take it hour by hour. "This hour, I'll be on MN" "next hour, I'll listen to the radio" "next, I'll write a list of all the men I fancy off the telly" (I know, I know, silly stuff, just trying to give some ideas!) Give yourself some time to plan the day tomorrow. I agree with the library as a good place to go. Perhaps you could plan it like a military operation - breakfast at 8, start walking at 9, spend an hour at the library, etc etc etc.

Do not allow yourself to focus on the 2 week thing. Hour by hour, if necessary. Not two weeks.

How supportive are your parents? Do they know how hard you are finding this?

Original poster

Electroma · 03/07/2007 00:22

That is very good ideas thank you so much. I will try it (although i am a terrible planner. i am always late for things and have no motivational skills)

My parents dont know any of this. Noone really does, i cant talk about it.

OP posts:

tutu100 · 03/07/2007 00:23

As long as your ds is happy it will do him no harm.

My ds doesn't sleep well at the best of times (he's ill at the moment) and very often I have days where I am so tired I literally can't move. I drop off to sleep on the sofa and come to with him prodding my face.

I just make sure I give him lots of cuddles on days like this. We watch some programmes together so that I can talk to him about what's happening in them. Also we read lots of books. This is great as it requires little movement yet it's great one on one time.

Does your ds still have a nap during the day? If so are you able to sleep them?

HonoriaGlossop · 03/07/2007 00:25

Elec, you also need to be kinder to yourself about what you're doing with ds. During this time, which you are finding so intensely difficult, it is actually not so bad that your ds watches a bit, or even a lot, of TV. Think about it from his point of view - he's in his cosy home, he's watching stuff that he finds magical and lovely, maybe the lights are on and he finds it cosy in the room with his mum there as a re-assuring presence, and the rain outside.....

do you see what I mean? You are beating yourself up unecessarily. Don't expect too much of yourself! Your ds is fine!

naswm · 03/07/2007 00:28

I am so tired but spotted this thread and couldnt ignore it.

Try to set up an arrangement with a friend whereby you call him/her every morning (or txt) doenst have to be about anything in particular. But the important part, is that if you dont text by say, 10am, then the friend sends someone to the house to check all is okay. Now that wont happen, but the fact that the arrangement is in place, should reasure you that if something were to happen in the night, someone would be alerted the next morning.

I know what is is like to live with irrational fears. And, by their very nature, they are totally irrational but all consuming. You will get through this, and hopefully if you can set up this arrangement you will be able to rest and sleep at night while you alone.

You will be fine. We are behind you.

HonoriaGlossop · 03/07/2007 00:29

I do hope you feel able to share this with someone sometime soon Elec. It must be so hard coping with these feelings; what's your relationship like with your parents - would they want you to cope with this alone? I doubt it, even if you are not close.

I must sign off, my ds is an absurdly early riser and I will be comatose when he comes in in the morning that's my guilt you see, spending too long on here and then dragging myself around in the morning with my eyes closed while ds watches milkshake

tutu100 · 03/07/2007 00:29

I've got to go to bed now but I'll be thinking of you Electroma. I check this thread tomorrow to see how you are getting on.

Hope you are feeling a bit better.

Original poster

Electroma · 03/07/2007 00:29

Tutu and Honoria - you made me cry.

thank you.

I just think people are meant to do stuff with their kids and i dont do it. I get so bored.

its awful but i am very selfish and am normally just watching him, waiting for someone to come home so i can leave the house. and i'm freaking out now cos i know, noone is coming to 'release me'

that is awful

OP posts:

Original poster

Electroma · 03/07/2007 00:33

i'm going to bed now too - ill come back in the morning

thank you all

OP posts:

HonoriaGlossop · 03/07/2007 00:38

god, I really must go to bed; just wanted to re-assure you that your feelings are shared I am sure by the vast majority of parents. There is a HUGE element of parenting that is basically a CHORE when kids are very young. I for one certainly felt that when dh was around, or my mum, I could go 'off shift' and that was bloody fantastic. It didn't stop me thinking that ds was an absolute angel and the best child ever made, but I certainly lived from 'break to break' when he was a toddler. Two weeks alone with ds would have been hard for me, too at that stage. It's heightened for you as there is no DH or DP coming in to give you that valuable time off.

You sound such a normal parent - it's only your perception of yourself that is wrong here.

Now I am going really, but I will check back tomorrow too.

Original poster

Electroma · 03/07/2007 10:54

Just read that last message now.

I didnt realise that other people felt this way. It does feel like a chore. But he is the most amazing wee angel in the world (obviously only to me!)

He does things i cant believe he is so cute to watch and hes bloody hilarious sometimes!

I had a good sleep, he didnt wake me up til 10am which was nice! And today I feel so much better. I got up with some motivation and in the last hour have made breakfast for me and him, done a load of washing, filled the dishwasher, cleaned the kitchen, fed the cat and replied to my emails!

I think we will try the library idea today. At least, i am going to go down to the shops as we are out of bread so that will get us out the house.

Thank you all so much. I cant believe how much you helped me.

OP posts:

HonoriaGlossop · 03/07/2007 11:08

Glad it helped. Have a good day.

runkid · 03/07/2007 18:23

The book is called Panic Attacks by Christine Ingham i will send you it if you would like. Hope you are ok and got through the night ok

Perigrine · 03/07/2007 18:31

Just seem this. How have you got on today. Did you go to the library. Don't worry if you didn't. I found it really hard when DC dad left, coz I really hated being in the house by myself. I was the kind of person that jumped into bed and pulled the bedclothes over my head ie " a great big sissy" !!! But I have got better through circumstance rather than design , but it has always been fine . I totally understand what you are going through and as someone else said, break it down into manageable chunks of time. The other thing that helped me enormously at night was listening to talk radio at night - radio 4/5 mostly, it made me feel less alone.

Original poster

Electroma · 03/07/2007 19:51

Runkid - that would be fantastic, if it is not too much trouble though or anything.

Thanks again to everyone for their support.

We didn't go out today, but this was mainly due to the weather. It was pouring with rain so we stayed in. It was alright.

If i;m honest, i spent a lot of time on here, which meant i was not paying much attention to him again. but, he was great, and i had films on for him, but he was playing around, he ate a lovely big lunch and everything.. he was great.

So, thank you so much to everyone.

I am now looking at it in small chunks. He is away with his dad tomorrow so now i just know i have to get through tonight and we'll be okay until thursday.

then, i have made plans with a friend on saturday, and another friend on sunday. I have plans for saturday night (friend coming round for drinks!) so that is somehting else to do.

Next week is a new story - but i wont think abiut it until sunday!

Thank you, thank you all.

OP posts:

runkid · 03/07/2007 20:44

This is my email send me your address and i will send book asap [email protected]

tutu100 · 03/07/2007 22:40

It's sounds like you've done really well today. You're weekend plans sound great! Come back on tonight if you need someone to chat to.

Flip

1 2 3