ExH sounds suicidal

[NeedAQuietWord]

I really need advice
ExH and I split a little over 6 months ago and he has not been coping well

He was diagnosed with depression a couple of days after the separation and is on an SSRI. He is probably undiagnosed ASD too like one of our children (child is diagnosed) we both agree on this.

Things are getting worse not better, he's barely sleepwalking through his life, not got any coping skills and is struggling to function as an independent adult. He's also still harassing me and is currently sending messages implying he's suicidal

I could have written your post. Save that I’m 16 months into the separation and I’ve had a year of suicide threats.

It was only yesterday that I decided to call his GP (who he hasn’t seen since the summer). Interestingly the GP did disclose that my version of events and concerns did not match what was recorded at his last appt where he was prescribed anti-d’s (and subsequently took himself off them).

I strongly suspect my ex has Borderling Personality Disorder and as of 2 days ago I’ve stopped him having contact with our two boys after he effectively said his final goodbyes over the phone to them. I had been advised by my own counsellor to stop contact between him and the children as she felt he was a risk but I had been reluctant as, like you, I felt this would only exacerbate his suicidal threats etc.

And again like you I have a constant stream of texts, letters, emails ranging from abusive to apologetic. I’ve blocked him on everything bar email. But I don’t rely on him for childcare so this is easier for me in that respect.

His family have said all along I have to be cruel to be kind ie withdrawal my support as he was too reliant on me.

Anyway, intention weren’t to highjack your thread but to let you know that there’s other going through this and am happy to listen/chat should you need to.

Could you arrange for him to see the children at a contact centre whilst his mental health is a concern?

I think a lot of it is the daily highs and lows of depression really, I tend to get the messages early morning or late at night when he's feeling worse.
But he is so paranoid he twists everything you say and throws inconsequential incidents from 10 + years ago in as previous 'crimes' it's quite ridiculous.

I'm trying to keep my engagement minimal, not answer clearly goady messages and questions, and stick to the relevant stuff but it's hard.

Same. I’ll only reply if it’s about making arrangements for the kids. Or in times when he seems “normal”. I think the lack of contact has two beneficial purposes; he starts to stand on his own two feet, as it were, and he starts to accept the reality of the situation.

Ironically, I worry more about him when he stops barraging me with emails.