I feel suicidal because of dry eyes and tinnitus

[smileagainforme]

My eye doctor said there are scratches in my eyes. I have really bad tinnitus and ear pain because of excessive loud music. I still can't stop listening to loud music or use my smartphone. I got bullied and abused a lot: emotional, verbal, financial abuse by my parents and friends and relatives and other people I met away from home.
When I look back and see how if I had stood up for myself or left abusive situations earlier or made different decisions, I could have been happy and married now.
I am only 29 and my body is fucked up because of abuse.
I can't go to the movies because of tinnitus.
Who would wanna date a broken girl like me?
I feel suicidal.
Because of dry eyes, I might not be able to do a full time job. As the jobs I am looking at involves using computer. So financially to I cut myself short.
I can't do physical work as my legs and lower back has been hurting for 3 years.
:(
When I feel pain thinking of what I missed, what could have happened, what I am going through and what I went through, I continue to use smartphone and switch on loud music. This is why my eyes and ears are getting worse.
I want to commit suicide.

Think hard, what good is there, think of the little things even!

Please go to your GP and telly hem how you are feeling

Can you get eye drops to help with the dryness? Will the scratches heal? X

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.
We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.
We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.
We are going to move this thread to the Mental Health section shortly.

Have you had blood tests to see whether there is an inflammatory element to your pains and dry eyes (and low mood - it's been found that inflammation affects mood directly, not just because you feel crap so feel down)? Have you been referred to the hospital for help with your Tinnitus? Do you have pain relief for your back and legs?

In the meantime, eye drops can be prescribed to make it less scratchy. Sunglasses can make you feel less sensitive. Taking regular breaks from screens increases the amount you blink (you blink less staring at a screen for hours). And, like it or not, laying off the music at full volume gives your ears a chance for at least a partial recovery.

This is not the end of the world for you, although it feels like it right now.