Please or to access all these features

Mental health

Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

I think my mum has got dementia and I’m terrified (trigger warning)

4 replies

cousineddie · 30/12/2018 23:40

I’m really worried .

She’s 53, v long term history of mental health issues including non epileptic seizures , depression , BPD, self harm , suicide attempts , ECT and post traumatic stress.

She has also had multiple head injuries , a shadow to left temporal lobe and migraines . Also high blood pressure ... and pernicious anaemia:

For st least two or three years she has had increasing difficulty with short term memory. She often says odd things , forgets major chunks of her life then remembers later, she seems in a fog a lot - delayed response verbally . She’s poorly literate but she’s now got word finding difficulty as well . She says really bizarre things like asking if x relative is dead , if x has moved house despite seeing them yesterday , etc ... can’t follow a film or conversation well at times .

She can navigate local village and shops but I think anywhere else she’d be completely lost .

She can cook a meal with prompting , but she wouldn’t make a big meal if she didn’t have to - and she’s a fully trained chef .

She will sleep a lot , if left she’d sleep until 11am and go back to bed during the day .

She also gets muddled with tablets , they are in a dosset box but she will take them all over the place .

If you offer help she shouts ... she hurt herself last week. She’s not got much motivation to do a lot . Won’t socialise if she doesn’t have to , won’t go out much etc .

I’m 27, Dsis is disabled as well but hers is autism and she’s cared for through local authority/third sector and she’s very happy/safe.

Mum has to get a CT scan in two weeks and see a psychiatrist . Apparently GP and neurology aren’t too worried at all and said probably just mum .

I am - I’m terrified . I have an anxiety disorder anyway but I’m not sleeping , not eating , not dressing , I don’t go out - I’m self medicating with cocodamol and I’m a mess . I’m a useless daughter and have been actively considering suicide for a long time , I always said if anything happened to my mum I’d take my own life but now that seems to be something I’d have to follow through and I’m worried about it all .

I took a ‘safe’ overdose in February last year I didn’t want to die then , just sleep - didn’t do anything . Part of me thinks I should be telling my GP but I’m too scared to , they don’t listen much at all and I don’t want to make things worse .

I haven’t told anyone in real life how I feel . Relatives now but they’re very unconcerned indeed and if I’m at home I’m sort of left to it especially as it’s christmas and they’re all having fun . Cant remember the last time I laughed properly without lingering dread in thmy back of my mind , I don’t know what I should do anymore . I used to work for a neuro ward and keep remembering so many patients with similar stories , then we’d discover a GBM or something (brain cancer) . Don’t know how to calm my mind down .

OP posts:
mumofboysnot1but2 · 30/12/2018 23:49

Hi, you need to seek advice from the gp regarding your own health and anxiety if you havent already done so. Also could you go to a gp appointment with mum and enquire about a referral to the memory clinic?

abbsisspartacus · 30/12/2018 23:54

You need to stop self medicating and get some real help

bettyblueeyes83 · 31/12/2018 00:11

This is such a lot to cope with, you poor thing. From your post it's obvious you are not a useless daughter - you clearly care about your mum and are doing your best to help.

Anxiety is not your fault, it's an illness. Please make an appointment to see your GP and tell them how bad you feel - you can't manage all this on your own and it's their job to help you. You could practise saying a simple sentence out loud (eg 'I am struggling badly and want to end my life') and then tell yourself you only have to get into the GP's office and say these words. Break it down into little steps - you can do it. You really need to look after yourself first and foremost, and then you'll be in a position to help your mum.

Your mum clearly has expert support from doctors and they will make an assessment so try not to worry about the future. If it does turn out to be dementia then there are various forms of care and support - a close family member of mine has had a long and at times very painful journey with it, but she's well looked after and we're still often surprised by moments of joy and laughter with her.

Take care Thanks

JoanneMumsnet · 31/12/2018 14:54

Hi cousineddie,

We're really sorry to hear you're going through such a worrying time.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources - please take a look as there are lots of organisations listed which could give you some more support in real life. One such organisation is Anxiety UK - it has its own forum and helpline, please do check out the link.

You can also go to the Samaritans website, or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek real life help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

We're going to move your thread to the Mental Health section shortly.

Sending good wishes Flowers

New posts on this thread. Refresh page