A book to advise on recovery *TRIGGER WARNING*

[TheDenIsNigh]

Can anyone recommend books that are useful in helping someone recovering from being raped?
The incident happened 2 years ago.
The NHS won't offer counselling or a psychologists appointment, despite a PTSD diagnosis.

So I'm on my own.

I've tried and I'm trying yoga, meditation, regular exercise and other similar things.

Nothing is having much effect tbh.

Can anyone recommend a book or books that might help?

TIA

Oh sweetie, I’m so sorry. This book has quite good reviews
www.amazon.co.uk/Rape-Recovery-Handbook-Step-Step/dp/1572243376?tag=mumsnetforum-21
Or perhaps something here
www.hopeforhealing.org/books.html

You’re very brave and I hope someday you can recover from all you’ve endured. Sending strength and hoping it finds you 🌻

Thank you for your kindness and I'll take a look at those.

I'll be alright, it's been tough going but I have to be alright.

Thank you again

Although not just about rape, I found a book called Overcoming Traumatic Stress really good not least in being able to articulate what I was going through. It's really tough without professional help though, I'm so sorry that you're going through this. Is private counselling an option at all?

You’re welcome, I expect you’ve already accessed rapecrisis.org.uk/helplinesemotionalsupport.php. But just in case.

Maybe your doctor has already given you medication but if not don’t be afraid to use them for a while to get you through a tough time.

I think you’re wise to try yoga and such, not so much for the main issues but for self care and relaxation.

All the best to you. I’m sure others will be along with better advice and rescources.

One thing I meant to add is that yoga/meditation etc is something you have to be very careful with when you've got PTSD as it's not always helpful - I can practice yoga now but it's taken a while and I still can't do mindfulness or anything like that as it tends to provoke flashbacks. It's different for everyone though.

Funny you should say that mynameiscalypso I found that mindfulness triggered episodes too. So I stopped
Meditation works as long as I don't try it when I'm going into or out of an episode I wouldn't have the wherewithal to try during an episode

Thank you for recommending Overcoming Traumatic Stress.

Private counselling is an option but I'll have to be very careful about who I choose, whoever I speak to has to be something who really knows their stuff.

The drugs were helpful for the initial shock grumpy but as time has passed I find I'm stuck at a point where I'm not improving anymore.

You know what? Stupidly I haven't tried rape crisis, it just hadn't occurred to me. If I'd been talking to a friend I'd have been suggesting all kinds of helplines and support but when you're in the middle of it the obvious stuff is lost in the chaos.

someone who knows their stuff, not something.

The Body Keeps The Score is a good description of how trauma affects the body. It's not a workbook but it helped me massively in understanding what was going on and so I felt more in control. I'm sorry this happened to you

If you didn't have trauma before the rape (and if you did too, it's just less clear cut) I'd look into EMDR. It is very good for reducing the impact of triggers etc. You can read about it online.

As you have to go privately, this could be doubly beneficial because it works quickly. It can be tough to do, but fast (so cheaper).

You're dead right about being cautious with who you go to though.

I can't understand a doctor who diagnoses PTSD and then effectively tells you to jog along. If they did this with a broken arm, well, they wouldn't, would they. I cannot understand any justification for not even putting you on a waiting list. You may not feel like it, which is fine, but you have every right to complain about this. It's shocking.

I second EMDR. It's very effective and it's quick and it's well regulated. If you can afford a few sessions look on an emdr website.

However I do think your primary care mental health service (IAPT) should be providing this.

Google to find your local rape crisis centre. They often offer face to face counselling with experienced counsellors on a sliding scale of fees depending on earnings.

Some nhs trusts offer IAPT services that you can self refer to - have a google for this service and see if it is offered in your area, I know of people who have found it has really helped.

I’ve read something about the lack of counselling for rape victims just the other day www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/politics/sexual-assault-rape-victims-counselling-waiting-list-support-violence-women-girls-appg-report-a8679456.html

Another vote for "The Body Keeps the Score". I'm so sorry you're going through this. In my area GPs cannot refer to counselling, you have to self-refer via IAPT. I've cPTSD/PTSD and even with the dx this was still the case.

Yes, I am complaining.
Apologies for the drip feed, this wasn't the intention of my original post.

Thank you for the suggestions of EMDR, that's what I think I need too.

My GP suggested IAPT, they assessed me and said I'm too severe for them my words as they offer counselling and that I need to see a psychologist.

Then my GP referred me to a psychiatrist who also said I needed to psychologist.

The psychologists are part of the community mental health team. They have said they won't work with me but haven't said why not, I think it's about money and waiting lists and referred me back to the GP.

I'm stuck in a no-help spiral.

So that's my story, writing this made me cry because tbh it's shit, I feel like the mental health services are treating me badly. It adds insult to injury.
Part of the problem is that I look ok, you know; MN scarf and a naice pair of boots. I work, not as much as I used to but I do work, I don't look vulnerable enough but inside I'm desperate.

Anyway, enough of the pity party.
Would anyone like a biscuit? Mince pie?

Thank you for your sympathy and kindness everyone, you have made me smile.
If anyone has anymore suggestions of things to help then please keep them coming, having things to try will keep me going.

Part of the problem is that I look ok, you know; MN scarf and a naice pair of boots. I work, not as much as I used to but I do work, I don't look vulnerable enough but inside I'm desperate.

I had this problem in my 20s, I was self harming regularly and numbing the pain with binge drinking and my relationships were difficult but I held down a job so therefore I must be fine. It's shit. The Body Keeps The Score helped me to recognise that the problem was emotional pain and not primarily a cognitive problem, which is why I could be relatively high functioning in one area but a disaster in others. I also referred my self to IAPT after receiving a life threatening medical diagnosis, which I was distressed about, but they couldn't help me because I was distressed about a single thing and didn't meet their anxious or depressed criteria. I'd second trying rape crisis or looking for other women's charities in your area.

This is an excellent workbook and I think the charity who published it provide free counselling:

The Warrior Within: A One in Four Handbook to Aid Recovery from Sexual Violence

Oh goodness OP, I'm so sorry. You're being treated awfully just when you need to be taken care of. I think you have every right to a pity party - in fact I'll host it for you!

Is there anybody in RL who you can lean on? If you were my friend I'd come to the GP with you. In fact, it may be an idea to bring someone who can say "Yes, she looks ok in general, but compared to normal she's clearly not and I'm very worried about her. So, how can she be seen by a psychologist soon."

The Body Keeps the Score is (very) good in general, but it won't reduce your symptoms.

Something worth knowing before you can see someone is that oxytocin (love/feel good hormone) cannot be released if cortisol is released. It's either one of the other (you can't be relaxed and sleep AND on high alert and ready to run simultaneously). Good hugs release it. Massage is something that is really good to get it flowing IF that's something you can tolerate/like. It could be a foot massage, or head massage or neck and back etc. If that's too much (for me massage is always good but I know it's not the same for everyone), oxytocin is also released if you gently, kindly stroke your own skin.

Ive got a book about it so I'll come back with other things too.

But I can't stress that this helps offset symptoms but it doesn't resolve them.

And I think you should use this thread to moan on whenever you want. You're being horrifically let down and I'm sure I'm not the only one who will be around when I can if you want to moan, or need support.

Again, thank you everyone.

Whilst I'm clearly not adverse to the occasional pity party - and I know I'm allowed one! I'd like to try to keep myself positive, upbeat and moving forward. Though that's easier said than done.

I do have support, I have a DH emphatically NOT the rapist who is kind and has been utterly amazing.
It's no exaggeration to say that I owe my life to him.
He comes to appointments with me when he can and is a past master at calmly and clearly putting my case for HCPs, he is angry on my behalf and very frustrated with 'the system'.

For all his amazingness DH is not good at massage but seeking someone who is professionally good is a great idea.

Please do keep the ideas coming, I'm still here and they are keeping me going.
This weekend I'm going to google all of the suggested and act on them.

I'm really angry on your behalf too! Jesus mental health services let people down sometimes. Don't they have an eMDR therapist or psychologist as part of iapt? Ours do

It doesn't matter if my local IAPT do offer EMDR, dance classes or free breaks in The Maldives whatsnewchoochoo, IAPT have said I'm too batshit for them so I can't access their services. I've tried to appeal but it came to nowt.

Hence this thread really.
DH aside I'm on my own.
We've kept the truth from our DCs besides, their job isn't to support me, it's to be DCs.

I'm asking for any ideas here, anything to get me through.
When Christmas is out of the way I will seek out therapy but starting now would be counter productive. I'd start telling my story and drag everything up only to have to break for two weeks or longer.

Realistically, by the time Christmas is done, I've thoroughly researched psychologists, got in touch with one, gone for a first session, agreed a start date and can talk to them I think it will be 6 weeks or more before I can truly begin to access help.

The Body Keeps the Score is (very) good in general, but it won't reduce your symptoms.

It did for me because I understood that my reaction was a natural part of the trauma and so I could almost watch my reaction and think "Ah, that's...." instead of just reacting and not seeing an alternative. I also started playing music again, which is one of the things that is recommended. One of the other things I think is good is just hanging out with people who are calm and have good emotional regulation themselves, you don't need to talk about what you're going through, but a calm presence can rub off on you, this is largely how therapy works really, the relationship is more important than the technique.

Do you have copies of letters from the community health team saying they won’t work with you, or anything else written down?

How have you appealed so far?

Would you feel comfortable writing to your local MP to set out your difficulties in accessing mental health services? I work for an MP and in these circumstances would [professionally!] angrily write to them demanding answers on your behalf! It’s truly shit. And I’ve been there personally too. Grrr.

I'd rather not get into the details on a public forum hubblebubble but I do have copies of documentation. I have complained and I'm continuing to pursue it.

Hahahaha no.
My MP is a conservative, not known for his empathy or regard for the vulnerable or women.

Really sorry, this is so shit for you, there must be a service within mental health services that can help you, Have you seen the copy of the referral sent from gp, can you check it has all the information required - saying this because in our triage/allocation meeting (mental health but not the team that you would need) every week we get useless one line long referrals from gp’s with no detail therefore can’t decide if we can help or not, we have to send back for more info. Just a thought really maybe worth checking how gp has worded it.