The Bipolar Support Thread

[BippityBoppity87]

Hi everyone Just thought I'd start a shiny new thread for anyone who is suffering from bipolar disorder.

Hope everyone is ok!

Really sorry for your experience Badstyley. Mine is similar, so yes I'd say completely normal. I've finally managed to get a permanent CPN and psychiatrist, both of whom are great (I really had to kick off to get them rather than the round of locums), but I'm only allowed to see my CPN monthly. I made the mistake of saying I needed to see my psychiatrist urgently, and they tried to move me to an appointment further away than my usual appointment!

When I first became ill (many many moons ago), an assessment was over several sessions and they wouldn't dream of diagnosing until they'd got to know you. Now many try and diagnose you (and write you off) in twenty minutes flat.

In my experience I've had a lot of involvement.

Psych appointment the same day, crisis team involvement that lasted about 6 weeks, a care co-ordinator, seeing my psych in another couple of weeks. CBT which was arranged about a month later.

It might just be that it varies from area to area, or it's the first time I've really been known to the MHT, or I was just a particularly bad case (OD'd twice in the space of a couple of weeks) so I can only get my meds weekly, which is annoying, but I understand why. I have numerous numbers I can ring when I'm in crisis, but I haven't used them yet.

You sound like you've had a horrible time. You're not the only one I've seen on here who feel like they are being let down by the mental health services

I wasn't diagnosed the same day. In fact, my psych wrote off bipolar within an hour of knowing me, which I find amusing now. 5 months later, 'yes, you see about the bipolar spectrum...' But he only saw me depressed, so I can understand why he came to that conclusion.

I was diagnosed within an hour. It was a bit quick, but it just confirmed what I was pretty sure of already. My current psych, who has seen me about three times in three years keeps saying she doesn’t believe there is such a thing as bipolar II, and that I have BPD instead. I’ve looked into it quite deeply, because I just wanted an answer but it’s just not me at all. I might have slight traits, but only slight if at all, but on the rare times I see her, for about 20 minutes each time, she keeps on and on about it. I hate it, because it stops us actually addressing anything else, and it all seems based on prejudice. I know psychiatry isn’t an exact science but she seems to have just decided what she thinks and that’s it. I’m not the only one who’s been treated in this way by her.

The best thing I ever did was learn to say no and stick up for myself, otherwise I’d just get trampled. I might give the AMHT a ring and get on at them, or I might leave it while I’m ok, then unleash and make them look shit when I’m not again. TBH I just can’t be arsed with any of it any more. My life would be no different if they weren’t there, and I’ve toyed with the idea of asking to be discharged, just so I don’t have the stress of worrying about it. Like I said, it would make no qualitative difference to my treatment.

Funny enough I used to think I had BPD, until I met two people diagnosed with it and I thought, nope, never mind! I think the difference is my moods don't switch on a day to day basis, they can last months and months and it's polar extremes. Anti depressants on their own are a no go zone for me as it makes me manic.

My therapist thinks I'm either type 1 or 2, but I don't think I've been totally out there manic, so I think type 2. I could be wrong though!

Yes, I’ve known a few people with BPD as well, so that was another thing that contributed to my doubts. TBH even just reading up on it doesn’t ring any bells, let alone seeing it in action.

I can’t take antiDs either. That was one of the boxes ticked in my bipolar diagnosis. I’ve tried a few. One sent me completely crazy. I spent an absolute fortune on ridiculous pointless things, and I was out drinking every available night, plus several unavailable ones. I was out of control. Then when I came off I had a massive crash, lost my shit and ended up in a&e. They tried me on Mirtazapine a few months later and I turned into an angry monster. It was so bad they pulled me off it after a week. Still took me another year to get proper treatment though. I’ve tried a few meds since then but I’m just on the lithium atm. I was on Quetiapine for a couple of years but I hated the constant tiredness. Ironically when I tapered down, slower than advised, and finally came off I didn’t sleep a wink for three weeks. That was another occasion I didn’t get any help, despite repeatedly ringing in desperation. They wouldn’t even give me any sleeping tabs, and this was after 18 nights awake. Blur it was awful. I thought I was going to die.

I think one of the most difficult things for me is not watching my mood to closely. Also knowing when I’m a bit up, say, and when a bit comes too much. I think I’ve gone a bit too far towards ignoring it now though, or at least just going ‘oh well, it’ll just be because.....’ or ‘I know I’m up/a bit down but no need to worry yet.’ Also sometimes things can go from bad to awful quite suddenly. I’ll know I’m in a deep depression but still thinking I’ll get through it, but then I’m in a&e after doing something stupid and impulsive. The most dangerous times where I need to be on my guard are the mixed states, where I’m depressed and hopeless, but still restless and impulsive enough to act on it. I should keep a diary but I’m crap at sticking to anything like that. It would help though because my memory isn’t great.

Anyway, sorry rambling, and have to do things so can’t correct all the errors.

I think last year when I was depressed, it was probably a mixed state. I was incredibly down, but impulsive, hence the OD's and self harm. Drinking like a fish, which made my mood worse.

I tried mirtazapine too, awful. My anxiety went through the roof and I OD'd on that too, so took me off it after about 2/3 weeks.

Then they put me on sertraline and I warned them not to, but this was before my bipolar diagnoses. Well that was fun. Wanting to paint the living room at 2am in the morning, going to pubs on my own. Speaking a mile a minute. Wanting to dye my hair. Cut all my hair off myself. It was bad. Everyone going 'oh have you had a hair cut?' Erm...yes... Then I calmed down a bit, but that went on for about 2 weeks. This was 50mg. A few weeks later they upped it to 100mg.

Then they introduced aripiprazole. I'm still on sertraline, but I don't think I like aripiprazole. Makes me quite sleepy too. I was at a nice stage before, probably about 10% hypomanic, which is what my psych said at the time, but it was a nice feeling. I understand they didn't want me to go any higher though and to nip it in the bud.

I didn't tell them half the things I've done on here though as I'm too embarrassed. Especially the cutting all my hair off. I didn't quite go Brittany style, but I cut a good few inches off.

Certraline, that was what caused so much hassle for me. Aripiprazole was awful too. It made me so uncomfortably twitchy and restless. Instead of taking me off it (it’s my psych’s favourite antipsychotic) she put me on Propranalol to try and calm it down, which didn’t work but she kept increasing the Aripiprazole to 20MG. In the end it got so I couldn’t sleep at all. I went for 2 weeks without sleep until she put me back on Quetiapine.

Nowadays I flatly refuse any more long term meds. With all the shitty side affects and the weight gain I just don’t want the stress. It’s not like I can stop and feel ill for a few weeks while they get into my system, I have a child to look after. I’m sticking with the lithium, plus the occasional sleeper when I’m desperate, although even those are almost impossible to get hold of. Diazepam is about the only thing that works for me and the GP won’t prescribe them without a fight.

I tend to get tattoos when I’m hyper. Luckily there’s only one I don’t like. I shave my hair so can’t do weird stuff to that. I’ve got a lot of shoes though, and quite a large collection of guitars and sound equipment. I’ve a habit of going out and blowing half my savings on a new guitar, which is lovely, but unnecessary, plus I just don’t have space to store them.

I also go out on my own and talk to random people, probably annoy the hell out of them. I can be rather full on and over share, and then tear myself to pieces afterwards. Sometimes I feel like I’m better off on my own, because then I can’t act a dick, but I don’t really having no friends and no life. It’s a vicious circle.

I’ve decided to put bipolar out of my mind altogether. Then I can’t worry and obsess over it. Maybe if I pretend like it’s not there it’ll go away...?

Oh gosh I'm the same. You would think I had a twin the way I carry on sometimes. I almost got a tattoo when I was hyper (I don't have any) and almost dyed my hair blonde. I just tend to go on mad cleaning sprees and chuck everything out. My DP for years thought I had OCD along with my mother in law I'm not. I just don't like living in a mess!

Though sometimes when I have no energy I can go days without picking up the hoover, then when my energy is back, Hoover about 3/4 times a day. Or I'll buy stuff I don't need, like bags and clothes. I won't just buy one bag, I'll buy six. Currently over the past month I've bought about 9 pairs of trousers.

I'm only on a very small dose of aripiprazole just now ( 5mg) so I don't know if it will be increased when I see my psych.

Omg just got a call off my old care coordinator, the one I asked to change from. Seems I was assigned to someone in December but he’s left. I didn’t even speak to him lol.

Honestly, that woman, I’ve never spoken to anybody so obtuse in all my life. It’s impossible to have a conversation with her because she just won’t talk straight. I said I was fed up with the locoms every five minutes and she turned it into ‘well we can discharge you today if you like.’ Ffs! Then she was blethering something about ‘well maybe we should just see you in emergencies?’ Then she was saying something about me needing to avoid crises, as if they’re something I choose. My god she winds me up. I’m not even sure she’d put the phone down before I uttered the usual ‘fuck off.’ I can’t help it, it’s like an involuntary reaction.

Someone’s supposed to ring me tomorrow, as if, to let me know what’s happening. Looks like I’ll be discharged because they’ve got no staff. Well that’s just bloody fabulous isn’t it. Fine, whatevs, I don’t care any more. God she’s put me in a foul mood. I’d better go and wield a big knife and prepare the tea.

Oh gosh, that sounds a pain in the arse! I remember when I was having a manic episode and I rang my therapist. Told me to just make an emergency gp appointment and ask for diazapam? Diazapam?! Probably would have given me the lowest dose too. Gosh, trying to ask for 8mg of co-codamol was like getting blood from a stone! I needed a bloody horse tranquilliser to calm me down, was pacing up and down the room, heart racing, felt like electricity was going through my entire body, it was awful and I knew I wasn't making much sense. Felt like someone had given me cocaine mixed with ecstasy.

Have you ever tried those chocolate banana diet pills? They're basically just caffiene and they made me shakey as anything. Felt like I was on them, but had taken about 20.

Will you still see your gp? Or when you're discharged that's it?

Diet pills, no. I thought you were asking if I’d tried ecstasy and cocaine, lol. Yeah, I have, but not together. It was about 20 years ago though so don’t worry.

I’ll see the GP when I need something I suppose, like I do now. It’s all a bit of a dead loss really.I suppose I’ll get it in the neck if things go tits up again but what’s new?

Haha 😂 no. I have tried both drugs before, but years and years ago. I felt like I had taken about 20 caffiene tablets mixed with coke. Only way I can describe it. Plus the weird electricity thing, it was such a bizzare feeling.

I've had diazepam before, when they gave me citalopram years ago to try and calm me down and it did literally FA. Maybe you should make an appointment and ask for some short term sleeping pills? Just to get your body into a routine?

I’ve got a small supply. I only take them occasionally though because after what happened to me when I came off Quetiapine, I’m scared of having it happen again. It really was like torture and I can’t go through that again.

I really like ASMR videos on YouTube. Have you tried watching those? I find it so relaxing, it helps me sleep. Makes my head and shoulders go all tingly as if someone is playing with my hair, or stroking my back. I'm probably just weird! Haha, but I love them.

I went to bed at 9:30 last night I was so tired. I managed a decent sleep only waking up once at about 4:30. It was most welcome, and it was proper sleep as didn’t take anything.

I went to bed at about 9.30 too and woke up at half 4 for work. That's good you for a proper sleep. I haven't drunk in 2 days, which is a big achievement for me. And I knew it probably disrupted my sleep as well.

I slept for about 12 hours after work last night. My meds make me really tired.
I can go along alright for a few days then I really have to have sleep for half a day.

I'm like that @tierraJ I can go a good few days weeks surviving on maybe 4 hours sleep until I start hallucinating and crash, then sleep for 10 hours. Which I know isn't healthy, but I can't help it sometimes. The other night I went to bed at about 3am, then my brain decided to wake up at half 7. I thought really? Thanks for that 👍

How is everyone today? I had my therapy session today, feeling a bit better. Been given a mood chart thing to fill out on a day to day basis.

Yesterday I was feeling really irritable, as in everyone was really getting on my nerves and I just wanted to scream into a pillow, but I'm going to put it down to being in a bit pain with my knee.

It's just to give people a bit support of @frannybossmum I'm glad you're feeling happier.

Ignore franny, it’s trying to troll the boards.

Also, I somehow hid this thread by accident

Ah ok FissionChips How have you been anyway?