Anxiety & Ocd help

[anitagreen]

I've posted quite a few times but I just really would love someone to offer me some advice who's actually been through this or even knows what I can do.
I've had anxiety for years and years but ever dealt with it always some how just let it go and wasn't bothered as much by it, however in this last year alone it has really bothered and troubled me same as the OCD, I have thoughts that I obsess over nearly every hour of the day, I have a severe phobia of dying and this is all what my anxiety and OCD is based on. Ever since I read about a young woman ending her life it has bothered and plagued me. I know it won't happen to me but the what ifs really scare me, i used to be able to handle my anxiety really well but these days I just don't seem to be able to stop worrying. I'm still on the waiting list for CBT and I'm excited to try it, but for now please help me find something to help me I am so tired of having these bad periods of a few weeks of non stop anxiety and obsessing over it, I've read up so much I KNOW it's my OCD I know this! But how do I stop worrying about it and keep thinking about it? Sorry it's so long it's just today it upset me to think if it'll always be like this what's the point in life?

Just wanted to add on too, I don't want to die it's my worst fear I have two lovely children and a husband but I am so scared that this fear will come true and I'll end my life. I am not suicidal or depressed I can assure that, but this is what makes it so much harder to understand. This all started when I read about the woman dying from suicide I thought oh god what if that happens to me? Please someone tell me how I stop this from bothering me

Thete is a fantastic website called CBT for panic and its a free online workshop with videos, or Audio help. I have anxiety and ocd and have done for 12 years and just recently discovered this website. It's really helped my identity the intrusive thoughts and learn not to "judge" them. Eg you don't need to react to a thought, you just let it happen and act as a observer. Check it out, it's been really helpful for me these past few weeks as Im on the run up move house. My current obsession is that I won't be able to go in the house and have the opposite of agorophobia

@Mrsbrooks1 thank you for the reply it's really annoying isn't it? Seems to be one obsession after the over. I've read up on the OCD uk website it can be successfully treated which I'm really pleased about it's just the waiting beforehand for it. I will have a look at what you said and thank you very much x

What helped me was reading books written by people that felt like me. Bryony Gordon ‘Mad Girl’ book saved my life. I also wasn’t actually going to kill myself but my worry was so consuming that I often thought the only way out was death. I highly recommend her books she will make you piss yourself laughing and constantly say ‘I totally relate to that!’.
Another writer is Matt Haig he has written ‘Reasons to stay alive’ and ‘notes on a nervous planet’.
The more you read the more you will realise you aren’t alone or a total maniac. It will take time so go easy on yourself there is no magic cure. But talk to people and tell them how you feel - you might be surprised with how many people feel that same. X

@MemyselfandIrene2
Your message made me smile lol I'll defo be having a read tonight on everything suggested. I think my hormones also play a lot with my OCD and anxiety I'm wondering if there's a proven link to that too, I feel less alone now, earlier I was in tears that I was a complete weirdo and alone. Now have read that over a million people have OCD that's not very alone is it x

My hormones also play a part. In the few days leading up to my period I'm really bad. I feel very disassociated and i must be the only woman who looks forward to coming on ha! X

@Mrsbrooks1 that's me! Bloody hell what do our minds and body do to us lol x

It sounds as though you feel very trapped while you're waiting for CBT...also as though the fact the obsessive thoughts are about the fear that you might one day end your life (even though you aren't actually suicidal at the moment) makes it even more distressing for you.

I wonder if you might be able to find some support from the Mind charity? I think they run peer support groups in some areas.

A slightly off the wall suggestion would be some kind of hypnotherapy audio, like you find on Youtube. Years ago I had a hypno CD that helped when my eating was really disordered and I was waiting for CBT. It just gave me that bit of relief that kept me going.

I'm so glad you could share here. I hope you get the support you need, both short and long-term.

@semideponent that's exactly how I felt I feel really good now I've read up on everything but I know it's a long way to go and I did feel very trapped and isolated as it feels so far away, but saying that since I've read up on the OCD uk website I feel like I've learnt a lot and I'm willing to try new things to help until I get my CBT. I really really appreciate everyone's suggestions i didnt realise how much it means for people to be so supportive when they are strangers but it has helped me so much tonight x

@anitagreen keep researching and understanding what is going on. Knowing what your triggers are and realising they are not you. Just like arthritis isn't my Nan, and IBS isn't my mum. Both life affecting disorders but not deep routed in to your personality. Keep us updated on how you are doing. I know I'll be all over here in the next few weeks lol xx

@Mrsbrooks1 thank you it's nice to hear that I think that's what overwhelms me so much thinking is this for life? How will I cope etc? But I understand it won't be for life it's something I've had for years and years and always blocked out only now I'm dealing with it and wish I'd started treatment sooner.
It's just annoying having it as i never know what will trigger it off. X

Get some sertraline to help you through the next 6 months or 2 years. Sertraline is perfect for anxiety and ocd. A low dose might be enough to help.

I have felt this way, especially after my mum died suddenly - I have made a will and arrangements for my children if anything were to happen to me - there are now less ‘what ifs’ for me to worry about and it’s helped.

Little update already, I decided to go cold turkey if you like from all the compulsions and rituals I have when I get anxious etc, I wrote them all down and there was around 10. I didn't realise how gripped I was by OCD so I decided to just stop doing the rituals for somethings and see how I got on letting the anxiety come, and then ease off on it's own, so far today I haven't done any and I feel very calm and relaxed even. My intrusive thoughts have gone from a strong 10 to not registering at all today, I'm still wary of what if this is just for now and it doesn't last? But I'm hopeful this change will help me in the long term x

That is amazing news. Keep going, if you have a blip, get back on it and keep going. You're creating tools to be able to manage. Be kind to your self and good luck xx

@Mrsbrooks1
Thank you loads I had a bit of a dip about 10.30 and started over thinking again but managed to calm myself down I'm not sure if it's more the OCD or anxiety or combination of them both sometimes that works me up more, but either way hopefully I can get rid of it soon x

How are you op?

@Mrsbrooks1 really crap I'm quite scared to be honest, the OCD really ramped up its gears I feel really frightened and just worried now the CBT is 3 weeks away. I don't know if it's my hormones causing this I don't want to go on antidepressants but I'm so scared I don't know what to do I feel really low x

I feel very overwhelmed scared, unsure of myself, even unsafe I felt like this before back in July and I came on my period the next day and it all seemed to calm down so I did think PMDD, but now it seems to be not even letting of even when the period starts. So I have no idea anymore x

Weird I now feel completely normal I've booked into doctors anyway to just see what's going on mood wise but I feel much more happier and positive now still worried as such but calmer

I go through the same ups and downs from hour to hour when I'm poorly. Luckily I've had quite a few calm hours today so managed to sort some house stuff out. I've also decided to do couch to 5k after researching the benefits of aerobic exercise (I despise all forms of exercise) but if it helps then I have to try! Why are you so against medication? Not that I'm judging because I was terrified of meds and still am of increasing x

OP well done, you've done so well controlling the compulsions.

MrsBrooks -Well done with your 5K. You're both stars!

@Mrsbrooks1 completely honest I'm scared of them incase they make me kill myself that sounds so stupid wrote down, but I think because this is my biggest fear and phobia thanks to the OCD, I am petrified I'll be one of them people that have a bad reaction to it and end up even worse. So stupid isn't it but I am coming to round to the idea of it, can I ask if you take any and what was your experience? I'm worried also they'll turn me into a zombie or crazy or I'll have weeks of ups and downs, and glad to hear you've been ok today too z

@DeltaDelta thank you it hasn't been easier but I think I need to just accept I have OCD I don't want to die and letting go of this fear once and for all, I even was getting myself so overwhelmed yesterday thinking oh god what if it's not an intrusive thought anymore and it does mean I want to kill nyself? Absolutely horrendous because I don't want that to happen!. I've done meditation today and has helped a lot I'm going to try and not talk back when I have a thought pop into my head now and see how I get on with that x

My experience was pretty standard as far as mesdgo. The difference was that I was so anxious and full of intrusive thoughts that it took 18 month to speak to a dr about it. I tried citalipram and that sent my anxiety through the roof which terrified me. I had another year of dissosociation and feeling like I was insane, emetophobic and agorophobic (which I still am but can go a lot further than I could) then one day after a really bad episode of the voice telling me to kill myself, I saw my dr again and she prescribed me fluoxetine. I had NO side effects what's so ever. It did take a while to kick in and I should be on a higher dose but I'm much better on them. I have bouts of anxiety and OCD but they don't last as long and I have no depression at all anymore