Anxiety & Ocd help

[anitagreen]

I've posted quite a few times but I just really would love someone to offer me some advice who's actually been through this or even knows what I can do.
I've had anxiety for years and years but ever dealt with it always some how just let it go and wasn't bothered as much by it, however in this last year alone it has really bothered and troubled me same as the OCD, I have thoughts that I obsess over nearly every hour of the day, I have a severe phobia of dying and this is all what my anxiety and OCD is based on. Ever since I read about a young woman ending her life it has bothered and plagued me. I know it won't happen to me but the what ifs really scare me, i used to be able to handle my anxiety really well but these days I just don't seem to be able to stop worrying. I'm still on the waiting list for CBT and I'm excited to try it, but for now please help me find something to help me I am so tired of having these bad periods of a few weeks of non stop anxiety and obsessing over it, I've read up so much I KNOW it's my OCD I know this! But how do I stop worrying about it and keep thinking about it? Sorry it's so long it's just today it upset me to think if it'll always be like this what's the point in life?

My fear is if I increase I'll get side effects which is probably not going to happen because I've been on them for 5 years!! But that's OCD for ya!! I genuinely believe they saved my life. and they're not a miracle cure but I'm perfectly fine 80% of the time and that's enough for me to know that they do the job. Me telling you not to be frightened is a bit hypocritical because I'm frightened too, but what's worse? Never trying or living like this forever?

@Mrsbrooks1 that brought tears to my eyes your so brave you really are, even now I feel much more positive and calm but it's the OCD like do you want to die? Are you sure you don't? It's horrible it's not as on my mind 24.7 like it had been the last 3 weeks, which ties in with my PMDD and going through that every month doesn't help at all. But that is my biggest fear that I'll start to get suicidal on the tablets but I think I'm just going to have a try and see what happens. I did think about starting the CBT first then going on them, but at this moment in time I'm just not sure. I don't know if it's hormones doing all this or just really OCD. I don't think I'm depressed but I do have a low mood, I've never wanted to die or hurt myself in anyway other than the intrusive thoughts like oh what if you kill toursdlf? What if you get depressed and you do etc?. Sorry this is so long xx

It's strange because my OCD used to be about mental health and it was what if you get schizophrenia? What if you get it and turn insane? Then literally one day I read something online and it was about a girl committing suicide and it's stuck in my intrusive thoughts ever since. Sometimes I can spend about 8 hours a day thinking about it. But the more I research it and find out new things to try etc it does help. My biggest fear also is being like this forever in a cycle of being stressed, intrusive thoughts, constantly thinking of dying, and worrying I'll get depressed, etc then the anxiety and shitty moods. @Mrsbrooks1 Thank you for listening to me x

I could literally write what you have written my self. I used to be convinced that I'd be sectioned and have this life in a bubble of mental health issues and never be my self again. And to be honest, I'm not the same person I was before I had a breakdown but I'm learning to be ok with that. Sometimes I do also still get the voice saying you should probably top your self blah blah but then my other voice says you don't want to die, you want to be well. And I say that to my self when I get the thought. Why would I want to die? I have a lovely sister and partner, a good job snd a few friends. I hope you feel the same. You don't want to be dead, just not poorly anymore. And I don't feel brave, I feel broken and guilty for the restrictions my OCD and anxiety has on my life and people around me (I haven't left man her in 12 years. Holidays are out of the question). The medicine helped my brain to stop ruminating. So is still get the odd thought for a day or two but I would get breaks from them and in those breaks, remind my self this is how I should feel so remember this when you're freaking out x

*msnchester

Still not spelt it right ha!

@Mrsbrooks1 Christ that sounds awful it's a horrible thing isn't it, did you try CBT ? I can't remember if you said you did I'm trying to just accept it now as I have OCD but it doesn't have to control my life I've coped all these years with it no reason why I can't cope now. My chest still feels awfully tight but I know it'll go down once I'm in silencer later and meditating. I try and say the same thing to myself like no I won't die because I don't want too just because some people have done it doesn't mean I will but it's honestly like my brain doesn't hear me say these things x

I haven't tried with a therapist but this website really helped my around 4 weeks ago when this blip started cbt4panic.org/ it is for panic but it's about controlling the thoughts leading to panic. I'd definitely recommend you ready the full thing, there are 4 work books to read, listen to or watch in a video

Thank you I'll have a look I think if I still feel like this Monday I'll ask for an emergency appointment x

@Mrsbrooks1 I've just completed that site you sent me the four books, I feel completely different I'm now still a bit anxious of what if I worry forever etc. But the panics gone as I understand now and the thoughts are not bothering me now as I know how to let them in and not rise to them as such. Thank you so bloody much xx

Hi OP I have ocd too- ‘pure o’ to be specific ie all intrusive thoughts / obsessions without obvious compulsions. I had the suicide obsession for quite a while and it really is awful isn’t it? I remember obsessively reading about people that had done it in a futile attempt to reassure myself 100% that I wasn’t ‘the same’ and wouldn’t do it etc. I started to obsess that maybe I didn’t have ocd after all but instead an undiagnosed depression that would make me kill myself.

It then morphed into an obsession with the meaning or purpose of life and I spent hours reading philosophy trying to find an answer, not realising that no answer would ever satisfy the ocd as every time I thought I had found a reassuring train of thought another question would pop up ... when the philosophical obsessions waned I then started to obsess about the ‘point’ of the minutiae of life eg why make a cup of tea, why answer that question etc - totally ridiculous but really distressing and intrusive.

It’s absolutely exhausting and I really feel for you.

On a more positive note, I now have longer and longer periods of ‘remission’ of the thoughts. When I do get them I try mindfulness techniques which help to an extent. I’ve also found medication really helpful. I’ve been on clomipromine for years which has definitely taken the edge off, although it doesn’t get rid of it. However I’ve also been on sertraline fOr the last year - I was initially put on it for PND but it seems to be helping the ocd too. Not sure if it’s just coincidence but def worth considering!

I can completely relate to what you are saying, I have felt the exact same!! I am terrified of committing suicide, and also have a huge fear of dying and do not want to die. I think it stems from a girl I used to know who had mental health issues and sadly ended her life. I am so scared of my anxiety getting out of hand and I won't be able to go on.

This only happened for me after I came off birth control, so for me it is hormones. There is an app called 'Clue' I use to track my symptoms and anxiety attacks. When I feel myself getting like this, I have to remind myself it is hormones. Once you notice a pattern, you can be more prepared for these thoughts. I think this is really common but all the doctors I have spoken to thing I just have an anxiety disorder. Are you taking any artificial hormones? Do they need time to regulate or have you been this way for longer than a year? Could you try the pill to help regulate them? If it is hormones then you know what is causing it, and you can understand your intrusive thoughts!

Exercise also helps me, it releases happy hormones. My doctor also gave me propanalol, it's a lifesaver if you get panic attacks or that horrible shaky feeling - no side effects, also you don't have to take it every day. I haven't tried any SSRIs yet as am hoping my hormones will balance themselves over the next year. Also might be worth some blood tests as thyroid issues or vitamin deficiencies can cause anxiety :)

@nell201 never been on any medication ever but it did start when I got pregnant with my first

@bumblenbean it's so scary isn't I felt ok earlier and I've scared myself again it honestly scares me so much incase I feel like this forever or what if it doesn't go and then I'm constantly spending my life obsessing over something? I just don't know what to do will there ever be a time that I will have no thoughts about dying?x

@anitagreen I'm so glad you completed it. It does take practice and it's not a cute but just being able to have to tools to step away and observe the thoughts makes you see them differently don't you think? I still read it every few days and if you're ever in an emergency there are audio hand holds for you. dont rule out medication either, it saves lives, it doesn't make you feel anything as far as a difference in your personality or even calm or anything like that. Just makes you normal again!! I'm on fluoxetine, as is my friend, my other mate is on sertraline, ones on citalapram and another is on beata blockers. We're all crazy but medicated

@Mrsbrooks1 I think I may try them I mean yesterday I had a brilliant day I had one row with my partner and that was it, it was just a minor row but it's left me in such a shitty pissed of mood and we've made up since then, doctors is Monday thank god but I honestly felt fine yesterday for the first time in Months I felt like I had a breakthrough I know not every day will be great but I feel even more set back now and just really tearful x