i can't even commit suicide

[Ohshitwhatnext]

Such a fucking failure that I can't even bring myself to do it.
going to see my gp tomorrow to see if I can con them into signing me off work before I get the sack for being so fucking useless.

Can't sleep, dreading what the gp will say tomorrow. Do I have to go?

I went to the GP & broke down in tears in her office. Things started getting better from there because I got diagnosed with depression & started getting treatment.

All the GP will do is listen, support and work with you to start a plan to get you feeling better. Going to the appointment tomorrow will be tough, but the first step of any journey is the hardest - once you get going, it gets easier. It sounds as though you've already made positive progress today, keep that forward momentum going.

Go...it will be hard but take one step at a time. You need help, so get help. My brother was the same as you, very depressed and would not go to the doctors...he got so depressed he was sat in the corner of his room speaking to no one and seeing no one. In the end we called out the emergency doctors. After a few visits he realised he needed to go, he started feeling better, got some meds and some talking therapy and is doing better day by day.

Is there someone you could ask to go with you? Family or A friend or room mate or someone on your course. I bet you if you could ask some one they would come with you.

If you are feeling in need that you cannot wait for the GP appt and go to A&E instead right now.

You are not alone.

Really do go, Write that note and take it from there.

It can’t make you feel any worse

Please go. This is a step towards getting better.

You're getting lots of good advice. People do care.

OP I am a student and my work is part of my course (in health care) so i know exactly what you mean about cant be off work without losing the course too potentially.

I am struggling and thinking of asking the GP to sign me off (diff reasons but its leading to anxiety and depression for me too)

You cannot offer care to others unless you take care of yourself first.

See if you can hand in a note to GP reception tomorrow.
that should get you a quicker appointment and when you have it your GP will already know the score.

And yes if it gets worse in the meantime Crisis Team / A&E

You WILL get through this. You need your life to go on to do so ((()))

Get details to reception, get your appointment, get some help (poss meds?) and you will reach Christmas. That gives you a break to recover somewhat. Good luck.xxx

When I was having major issues at work and went to see my GP I just handed over a written account and burst into tears. The gp signed me off

I took my dd to the Doctor last Monday. She wasn't suicidal but is suffering from severe anxiety and low self esteem.

She really struggled before it with anxiety and struggled to physically make herself move from the corridor into the room. But once she got in there the Doctor was amazing and she said she felt like a huge weight had been lifted off her shoulders..so it's normal to be worrying about going but that first step is massive and you should feel proud of yourself for realising it's needed.

When you call tell them it's urgent and ask for an emergency appointment. Do you think you can wait till tomorrow?

What age are you? That's a text support number for people under 25.

www.themix.org.uk/get-support/speak-to-our-team/crisis-messenger

And here is a link to a page with other support if you need any help through the night or before you can get to the go

www.itv.com/thismorning/suicide-prevention-helplines

yeah i can wait until tomorrow
the note is written and in my purse
thank you

no need to phone the gp i got an appointment on the online booking - somebody must have cancelled. that's a relief as i couldn't face the call,

Thank goodness for that. I've been there OP. It's shit, isn't it? But you're making all the right steps. Well done.

OP - You are wonderful, well done for asking for help on here. That alone takes so much courage and strength, I know you probably don't feel like you have any of those things but you do. I am SO proud of you for reaching out and getting that doctors appointment, I know myself how hard that can be when it concerns your mental health.
Please rememeber what you're feeling now is a temporary feeling and it will pass. You have so much support here you're doing bloody brilliantly. If you want to chat in private please feel free to private message me. You are not alone in this. Good luck at your appointment, please keep up updated.

i'm not wonderful at all, if I was wonderful then i'd not have been told how much of a failure i am when growing up. I'm not the daughter they wanted, I was showing them up by being who I am, I wasn't clever enough, wasn't pretty enough, was accused of all kinds of things i never did, am told how i was a horrible teenager. all the evidence says it is true because i have never had any friends as a child or an adult. my main memory is of a lonely time being unloved.

Ohshitwhatnext you aren't the problem here

I had an emotionally neglectful upbringing. Physically and financially all my needs were met, but emotionally there was nothing. I've done the depression, I've done the anxiety that so often goes hand in hand with it, I've done the suicidal thoughts, I've done the sitting on the knife edge of suicide...and I too backed out. One little thing changed my mind and I'm so glad it did.

I got help, by doing exactly what you're doing and speaking to my (absolutely fantastic and I owe her my life) GP. I too was at university and the help and support from them was amazing. They provided me with "6 weeks" counselling - I was going there for 18 months - again, that counsellor played a huge part in my recovery. I had support from student services, I had a mental health mentor, it was absolutely fantastic support wise. It all started with that first, very difficult conversation though.

Fast forward to now and I'm genuinely happy. I do a job that I love, I have a husband that I have had a fantastic relationship with for the last 10 years (we met at my absolute lowest point and he's been there every step of the way), we're about to have our first child (on Wednesday, eek!), and probably most importantly, I've learnt that it's ok to scale back, and in the case of my mother, even cease relationships with those who have a negative impact on my well-being.

You're going to be doing the hardest bit today, but it will get easier. Be kind to yourself and maybe have a little treat ready for after your appointment, whether that's grabbing a fancy coffee or hot chocolate on the way home, a lazy luxurious bath, whatever - implement some self care - it's important to be kind to you

Not having friends doesn't mean you were what they said. It means the ground you down so much you were likely so shy and quiet you became insular. People who have been abused like that try to sink into the back ground and not stand out because they are so use to doing it at home hoping not to get any more abuse that it becomes a learned behaviour and they do it in every day life.

Your abuse does not define you. You are so much more than they said and I hope with the right help you can start to believe that. I'm so sorry for what you want through no one should be treated like that ever ❤

What time is your appointment?

The horrific emotional abuse you received was not because you are not worthy or loveable but because those who should have been kind and comforting are in fact unworthy themselves and chose to use their own feelings of inadequacy as motivation to make your childhood one of pain because by doing that they felt better about themselves. They didn't/don't deserve you.

it wasn't horrific! Plenty of children have far, far worse.
My appt has been and gone, I wrote down what was going on and am off work for two weeks.
he was businesslike but not sympathetic.

Plenty of children have far, far worse.

And plenty of children have had far, far better parents who didn't knock the psychological stuffing out of their children.

Well done for going OP.

they were the children who didn't deserve the shit stuff. and the children who had it worse didn't either. just me.

Nope. Disagree.

Your so called 'parents' gave you a shit upbringing because they shouldn't have been left in charge of a pet rock, let alone a developing child.

You deserved better.

You deserve to love yourself.

You deserve to take the very best care of yourself.

www.nhs.uk/conditions/stress-anxiety-depression/raising-low-self-esteem/

♥️