To wonder why I haven't got everybody else has

[MelAnnCholie]

I have no one. No friends (drifted away) partner (not attractive) or family (dead)

There is no point to me being here and I am just putting in time until i die.

Do you have any interests or hobbies that could help you to socialise a little more?

I’m so sorry you feel that way MelAnnCholie What’s life like day to day? Work? Hobbies?

Not really. I have tried. No joy. Things like book clubs, meet once a fortnight and talk about a book that is not very good. That's it.

I work, that's it!

There is always time to make new friends.

You don’t have to be attractive to have a partner. Have you seen Jeremy Kyle ;) Online dating? How old are you?

Life can turn around. Just because things seem bleak now, doesn’t mean that they will always be.

Sorry you're having such a crap time.

Do u think you maybe a bit depressed? Tell your gp how you feel, maybe you need cognitive behavioural therapy or counselling to give you a fresh outlook on life?

Oh Op , it may seem like everyone else is happy and contented but that really isn’t the case. Negativity breeds negativity. Can you think of one positive thing in your life?

Oh op...you sound so down

I don't for a moment believe you're too unattractive to find a partner...there are lots of gorgeous single people and lots of less than gorgeous married people!

You say your friends have drifted away...maybe you could reconnect?

I haven't always been negative. I am realistic. I am middle aged, single and have no family, friends or kids. even if I had friends they would be focused on their families.

You need to start thinking about/doing things for other people. You get out of life what you put in. Loads of places need volunteers - care homes need people to come and chat to their residents, hospitals need volunteers to work in their charity shops, wildlife trusts need people to man their shops etc etc. A friend of mine volunteers at a rare breeds farm, feeding the animals and serving in the cafe. I go to our local primary school and help the littlies read.

You get company, friendship, people need you. Not wishing to be unsympathetic - get out there and the world is waiting for you.

You can't change your family situation I'm afraid but you can definitely change your friends/partner situation. You're middle aged...so what! Lots of middle aged people date, fall in love and get married. I know plenty of people over 40 who've been single all their lives or divorced and gone on to find a partner.

You should definitely see your gp though...you do sound depressed

No. In a word.

I have done voluntary work, it just depressed the bell out of me.

Sorry to hear that, think you need to find some more interests.

What type of work do you do?

What about volunteering?

I’m a funny looking thing and I met my husband when I was 46. He thinks I’m beautiful .

You must be able to think of something positive?
I’ll start you off.....
You have a job (many don’t)

Lots of people have partners and kids - but lots don't. I've just changed jobs and am suddenly surrounded by lots of wonderful, clever, funny, single childfree women. I'm the only married one! I feel like I've found my community. There is a great quote which I can't remember but it's something like 'things only change if you change' which I think is true. If you are in a lonely, unhappy rut, try to think of things you can change about your circumstance which helps you find new things, and the kind of people that you like. Oh - and tell people. My colleague at work -who is a single mum - recently admitted how lonely she felt as she often can't get childcare. Lots of us didn't know. So we have organised a breakaway Christmas do for her which she can bring her ds to. I know all this can seem very hard, but i think you are probably a much better potential friend or partner than you give yourself credit for. You need to get out there and let the right people find you.

Try reading this OP, I have found it very helpful:
www.nhs.uk/conditions/stress-anxiety-depression/improve-mental-wellbeing/

I have done voluntary work, it just depressed the bell out of me

I know everyone suggests voluntary work ... I've never done it before but I've often thought it would probably make me feel like that too! As for the suggestion of volunteering in a care home...that would depress me...sorry folks! And you won't find many eligible bachelors under the age of 80

Have you ever joined a gym...exercise cheers me up...It's somewhere to go and if you go regularly, you slowly become one of the faces and get to know people.

Thank God it isn't just me then.

Oh OP, you sound so lonely.
You say you work, are you happy in your career? Maybe a career change and/or studying would broaden you social circle.

I know you said you tried volunteering but it depressed you. Volunteering covers a huge range of activities, maybe try something else? I volunteer with Girlguiding (not saying that is right for you), and I have learnt so much, have had so much fun, traveled abroad, and have met some fabulous people.

It's a horrible time of year to be alone.

Sorry OP I dont meant to hijack your thread - probably want to say that you are not alone as I am in the same boat

Well, saying that I have an elderly mum but when she is gone I have nobody. It's really getting me down to the extent that I rang my works wellbeing line last week and just waiting for an appointment for counselling. I dont know whether it will help but I am so looking forward to speaking to someone about these feelings that my life is over and that I have nothing.

Perhaps its something for you to think about.

In the meantime - I force myself to go to meet up groups. I would much rather just stay in the house on my own but a recognise that is not good for me. I dont really enjoy it but put on the brave face and people probably think I am happy.

I just wanted to add to my previous post
The wellbeing advisor from work who is referring me for counselling kept saying that I had to tell my friends or family
She really didn't get it when I said that I had nobody to tell.

Its awful

A decent definition of depression is when you don't see good opportunities anywhere.
There are opportunities everywhere. I hope you find a way to see them soon, OP.

What are the things you enjoy doing or used to enjoy doing?

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website, or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

We are going to move this thread to the Mental Health section shortly.

As ceecee suggested, forcing yourself to go out and do things has worked for me. I’ve ended up moving countries a few times with work, and have started again in new cities alone. I am quite shy and introverted. It helps to see “making friends” as a task, and don’t expect it to be comfortable or fun at first.

I scheduled an activity/class every evening during the week, and signed up for stuff at weekends too, or would plan a day trip. It doesn’t matter if you’d never thought about yoga or climbing or learning a language before - give it a go on a taster course. Suggest meeting people for coffee after classes. With time you will find stuff you enjoy, and people you like, and it will get easier.