I had a PTSD relapse about 18 months ago and a few months back, I was re-diagnosed with complex PTSD. I'm seeing a psychotherapist for it and it's dragged up a lot of very traumatic stuff from my whole life and it's brought back memories of stuff I'd blocked out.
As a result I've been extremely vulnerable and when I get overwhelmed, all I can think about is ending it.
Today, I was extremely triggered reading a statistic that 1 in 35 UK men have paedophilic tendancies.
I cried uncontrollably about this and ended up planning how, when and where I'm going to do it. I don't actually want to die and cause suffering to my family and loved ones. But these thoughts are getting very common now. I just imagine falling asleep and never waking up.
I daren't tell anyone about this. I just feel crippled with fear and want it to stop.
I'm so tired and can't see a way out.