please help-the prozac isnt working,im scared im going to feel like this forever.

[divastrop]

sorry i know i'm wallowing in self pity when i have no real reason to be unhappy,but i dont know what to do.

been on prozac since i was 12 weeks preg with dd3.it worked after a while but stopped working a few weeks ago,so the gp upped my dose to 40mg a day.that was nearly 4 weeks ago,but i dont feel any better.

i feel anxious and paranoid all the time,terrified my dp is going to run off and leave me as soon as somebody else shows an interest in him,as im so miserable and boring and he must chat to so many happy,funny,interesting women online.

i am also struggling to lose the pregnancy weight and i am fed up being fat.

im a terrible mum to my older kids,i never have any time for them and my dd1 keeps saying she hates me.

when i have the thought i have,i look back at how i was after i had dd1,and i think im feeling/behaving the same,so i think its no wonder that my xp used to beat the crap out of me.im very lucky that it is not in dp's nature to be like that.in fact im lucky he hasnt left full stop.

the gp reffered me for CBT,but the team that does it wrote offering me councelling instead,and ive had councelling loads of times and tbh dragging up all the rubbish from the past doesnt change anything,i need to learn to change how i think.

my nan has terminal lung cancer and is in hospital with a chest infection,but i live 350 miles away and cant see her,or support my mum who isnt coping very well.

dp and i are getting married in october,and i should be happy,but i just keep thinking of all the things that couls go wrong,and that if i dont hurry up and get better hes not going to be around for much longer.;

sorry i know this is long i just dont know how much longer i can handle feeling this way.

Divastrop
I think you really need to go back and see your Gp - ask him where you can get cbt. You are being really hard on yourself as well and sound like you have a lot to deal with at the mo. I am sure you aren't a terrible mum , if you were you wouldn't care about it as much
It is horrible living far away from relatives when they are ill - so frustrating and frightening. Ironically planning a wedding puts a lot of stress on a couple as well. At most weddings something monor goes wrong(at ours florist misread no. for button holes- none of my family got any) but it is the whole atmosphere that is important imo.
I hope you get some more hands on advice but just wanted to say- i think you have got a lot on and are are being very hard on yourself. Take care

sorry to hear how bad you are feeling. Can you go back to the team that does the cbt and ask for it? Or get referred again?
I think cbt would really help you - I have just finished a short course of it and it dies help to challenge your thoughts,anxieties etc.

.

thanks for your replies.i saw my gp this afternoon,she said shes written back to the mental health team explaining that councelling is not what is needed.

i am feelin so frustrated knowing that im am making myself feel this way as i cant control my thoughts.if i can make myself depressed why cant i make myself happy?

divastrop

When prozac stopped working for me I asked my GP to up it and he said that he doesn'y prescribe higher doses than 20mg as in his experience higher doses can actually lead to increased anxiety. Perhaps your GP could try you on a different AD while you wait for the CBT.

Divastrop here are some websites you might find useful whilst you wait for your referral.

www.livinglifetothefull.com
www.glasgowsteps.com

Do you manage to get out much? They say that exercise really helps with stress/anxiety/depression. I just can't get into exercise myslef yet, tho

hth

dustystar-i have tried so many other ad's-i tried seroxat before i started on the higher dose of prozac,but i coulnt cope with the side effects.other ad's have either not worked or made me feel worse.prozac is the only one thats ever worked.

i dont feel more anxious than i normally do,i just think that ad's can only do so much.when i started on the prozac i was very low and suicidal and they helped me out of that.

i was seeing a councellor before i had my baby,had been seeing her for ages,and although i wasnt really getting anywhere,it did help a bit to offload and put things in perspective when i was getting paranoid etc.i rang her before and asked if i could go back to see her again for a while,and i have an appt for monday.

flier-thanks,i will have a look at those links later when the kids are in bed.i have started doing some excersise every evening for about 15 minutes(till i get used to it!).i have to take the older children to school every day,so i get out,but i dont go to any groups or anything.i dont feel able to atm.i used to go to a PND support group but i had to stop going cos of my ds's behaviour(and they were really nasty to me and i didnt feel welcome even without him).

Diva, I just wanted to give you my support and say that you are doing an absolutely fantastic job. You're raising five children, one of whom is only very new!

I wonder if upping the dose of Prozac is similar to how it is when you start on it? You know how for the first few weeks it is actually worse before it gets better? Maybe it is similar when you up your dose, it takes a while for it to kick in and is actually worse initially?

I remember you saying that about your PND support group. What a bunch of t*ssers. Where is the "support" in that?

Is there another group you could attend? Not necessarily purely for PND, but a Mums and Babies group in general? I have gotten so much support from these over the last few weeks. I know your ds1 can be difficult from what you've said before, but lots of other folk have dc's who don't behave like perfect catalogue-pose children; maybe it's just a matter of finding them.

Have you tried something like NetMums (I know that may be a bit of a dirty word on MN!) to meet other Mums locally?

I will try and keep this bumped for you as well and hopefully someone who is an expert on ADs and depression will come along soon.

Bumpity bump... will go and feed baby... then come back and bump again in a bit!!

....

mossy-thanks.i've decided to aim to go to the parent+toddler group at ds2's nursery/children's centre,from when the kids go back in september.i will already know some of the mums there from school,and i know the staff,plus i want dd2 to go to the nursery when she's 2 so that way she will get to meet some of the other children.

i know if i go to anything like that at the moment i will feel like evrybody is judging me and talking behind my back.

i have briefly been on netmums(through the links posted on that very funny ticker thread a few weeks ago)but i find it hard to take seriously.i know there are 2 mn'ers local to me but i dont know who they are in rl(think i would be embarrased after all the stuff ive posted on here)

i have a couple of friends,i just feel like i dont want to inflict myself on anybody else iyswim.

Diva - I can't advise on the depression thing (although my Mum suffered from it) but you shouldn't feel insecure about your DP. I've seen your pic and you are gorgeous - he obviously loves you or he wouldn't want to get married. Feelings of insecurity will stop you enjoying your relationship. You are a great Mum by the sounds of it - and I should know as I talk to you more than I talk to my DH LOL!! You come across as a very feisty, bright and attractive woman to me so I can't see why anyone would see you differently.

I agree you should go back to your GP if you are still feeling depressed and anxious. Don't suffer in silence - go and talk to him and he can either adjust your dose as its not working, or perhaps prescribe something else? I had something called Motival once - it was great and made me very happy all the time when I couldn't cope with stuff that was happening. It may help just talking to your GP again anyway - I talked to mine about my anxieties and just being able to discuss them helped me feel a lot better

[big hugs]

Diva, my health visitor did some cbt with me and I found it really usful so hopefully you'll get some and it will help {{{{hugs}}}}

You will get out of it Diva, it's been a long time off and on so i think that makes it harder.

It occured to me that you've been struggling with it for most of the time that you have been with your partner haven't you? And getting better will involve a change...I know you are keen not to lose your dp and he has been brilliant with you as you are now.

Why don't you talk to him and reassure yourself that if you change (into a non-depressed person) he will be ready to accept and love the new you? You are getting married and making a long term commitment, you are both going to change and grow in time, a strong relationship accomodates that, it is a challenge but you've already been through alot together.....it's just a thought....

Bumping for you again (back from weigh-in) although I see you've had some good advice from the other March-ers already

rosy-that is one of the things that frustrates me,that dp has never really seen the 'real' me,apart from a brief glimpse at the start of the relationship.in the past relationships ive had,theres been a pattern of -im ok-i get depressed-relatioship starts going wrong-man in question takes advantage of my vulnerable state and treats me like shit-i start to feel strong again-i get better-i tell bloke to f off.
i feel like i dont have a clue what im doing,i cant imagine feeling happy and ok in myself,and being in a relationship.

kitty-your HV did cbt with you?my last 2 hv's have been useless.the one i had after ds2 was great,she came to see me every week for months,and used to sit and chat to me for ages.

i think i will ask my councellor about it.

Message withdrawn

dior-i realise now there was no excuse for xp's behaviour,but when im feeling very very low i start to think that way,that 'hmm,maybe it was my fault'.i know its stupid but the most stupid things seems to make sense sometimes.

i think haveing been in 2 abusive realtionships,it was even harder the second time to not blame myself.even though i know there is never an excuse for a man to hit a woman,or be emotionally abusive to her,i still feel partly responsible,as i was the one who came accross as desperate and vulnerable and needy,so what did i expect?

i think thats why im still looking for ways that dp could be being nasty to me,im trying to prove myself right.

Message withdrawn

Sorry to be so ignorant but what is CBT?

cognitive behavioural therapy - a way to retrain the brain! i second the advice to get yourself some... and is there someone other than your gp that could talk you through different ad options?

Bump again before I go and have my tea!

Bumping for you before I try to put ds to bed!

Bump

Diva, you've learnt from your past relationships, grown out of them and moved on. I think most of us have some screwed up relationships under our belt. There is nothing wrong with making mistakes and the experience has given you wisdom. I think the cbt will be great (when you find somewhere to get it) You already seem aware of when it is the depression talking, so I am optomistic for you.
And eventually you can maybe do some training and make money from what you've learnt!