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Mental health

Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.

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Original poster

Thinking of ending it...can see no hope

24 replies

Ribbon14 · 29/10/2018 16:07

Everything is on top of me. So many difficult things have happened in my life and have been suffering very badly with anxiety and depression for the last year or so. Thought i was getting bit better recently, was having some group therapy but recently got told that I could go onto the waiting list for one to one help (3 months min. waiting time) but that in the meantime i couldn't attend the group. I feel so lost and feel like i have no support. And now in the last week, I have been ill with worrying symptoms and I'm panicking what is wrong with me (I have severe health anxiety). I basically just see no way out, life is really getting me down

OP posts:

Aridane · 29/10/2018 16:14

Go to your GP as a matter of urgency. Yes, 1:1 help has a waiting time but your GP should be able to help with medication to tide you over with your anxiety and depression

SheBangsit · 29/10/2018 16:17

Oh my love, don't let your mind wander down the route of ending it all. Look at what is starting to happen. You've finally got on the waiting list for the therapy that will help you one to one. You're alive and are surviving. Don't think down that line. Think about your future. Think about what can become right. Think about how you'll feel when you get this counselling. Don't dwell on anything but how awesome your life is going to be in the future.

Original poster

Ribbon14 · 29/10/2018 16:25

It's so hard to get a GP appt. I've tried medication before and made me ill. I just think I'm seriously ill now and keep having panic attacks and it feels inescapable. My life feels so empty, I feel trapped in the house all the time because i'm afraid to go out

OP posts:

fuckedoffwithlife · 29/10/2018 16:34

Ribbon1 do you have a walk in centre near by you? Or even an a and e with an on call gp service?

Be brave op. I've been where you are right now with ptsd and health anxiety. Not too long ago either.
I look back to how I felt then and it does make me shudder. I remember that feeling well and don't ever forget it. But when I'm having a bad day I have different coping strategies which have literally helped me no end.

Do you have someone in rl that you can pick the phone up and call?
Are you on any medication?

Original poster

Ribbon14 · 29/10/2018 16:39

yes i do but i was only in a and e last night with my latest health problem. Tried antidepressants a while ago but made me so ill, I had to stop them. Not keen to try them again as the side effects worsen my anxiety. Yeah I've got my husband but I feel like no one can help right now. Got myself in such a state. I just don't see the point of carrying on

OP posts:

greenberet · 29/10/2018 16:47

Does your Dh know how bad you are feeling right now ? I’m on AD’s took me a long time to find the right one - had extreme reaction to Prozac which was a bit scary

Could you phone Gp surgery and tell them how you are feeling - I’m sure this will get you seen quicker - can you get your DH to call and get appointment for you - just the fact that you are reaching out on here is a good sign - you are still trying to get help - do you feel comfortable talking in any more detail x

Original poster

Ribbon14 · 29/10/2018 17:04

He has some idea but think it's hard for him to fully understand. If i phoned gp right now they'd probably just say go to a and e...I could try and get an appt tomorrow but I'm not sure how they'll be able to make me feel better.

In terms of what's happened to make me feel like this- I lost my mum when I was 19 and my dad is an abusive alcoholic who I have had a very difficult relationship with (still do). Am an only child also. Have had to cope with multiple hospital admissions for my dad and to pick up the pieces every time. Last year I also lost my grandad who died a week before my wedding which was devastating.. It was after this that I started to suffer from all manner of physical symptoms and started to have scary panic attacks which left me virtually housebound. I gave up on my career plans, socialising and exercising. In the last couple of months, I have managed to get out more and have had better days but it's just the last week or so that things have fallen apart... basically have been having bad stomach cramps and blood when I go to the toilet and I am worried sick what it is especially as I have had on/off stomach symptoms for years. I've basically convinced myself it's something bad. I'm also panicking because my heart always seems fast and I think there must be something wrong with it :( it feels like I'll never escape my illnesses and fears. I feel like a shadow of the girl I used to be

OP posts:

SingaSong12 · 29/10/2018 17:07

No advice but

Alaria4 · 29/10/2018 17:13

OP.

you have quite clearly not had an easy time of it as of late. You have had some very difficult experiences, with an on going stress with your DF.

Only a medical professional can find out what is causing your physical problems, so of course try to get seen by your GP. You could also phone and explain you are in a slight crisis and urgently need to see your GP.

Regards to your MH. You could try other AD as there are a number of them out there and hopefully you could find one that suits you. If need be, I'm sure there are ways that your anxiety could be managed through medication too... I am no expert though.

You are doing great to be getting by everyday and that's great you are finally going to be on a waiting list, despite the wait. Sounds like you could to with some help to process your grief and stress.

Stay strong and keep fighting. Your life is precious and nothing is worth ending it (although I know for you right now it feels that way)

Take small steps, start to get back out there in the world. Pop to your local shop or go for a ten minute walk. Once you start doing these things again they will become easier.

Much love OP

Original poster

Ribbon14 · 29/10/2018 17:19

Thanks for your advice, it just seems so bleak at the moment. The problems in my life never seem to end, it's just one thing after another

OP posts:

Mishappening · 29/10/2018 17:20

Please do ring the Samaritans: 116 123

There will be a way through this; so hang on in there.

It is a disgrace that mental health appointments take so long.

Do talk to GP - tell them it is urgent. Do not give up on medication - I take a very old-fashioned one, as none of the new ones suited me. You will get there.

SheBangsit · 29/10/2018 17:21

Where is the blood when you go to the toilet? As in, where from?

Original poster

Ribbon14 · 29/10/2018 17:22

From the back end... drs seem to think infection but been going on 8 days and not improving. I'm worried it could be an inflammatory bowel disease and I just don't think I could cope with it if it is. :(

OP posts:

Aridane · 29/10/2018 17:24

There are many anti depressant/ anxiety medications- the one you had before didn’t suit, another one will.

If you had a very bad headache etc and the first painkiller didn’t suit / made you nauseous, you wouldn’t give up on painkillers altogether but would try a different one. Same with anti depressants

Aridane · 29/10/2018 17:29

I think your concern about physical I’ll he may also be symptom pod your mental ill health

Original poster

Ribbon14 · 29/10/2018 17:29

I know that's true but I'm too afraid to try because the side effects were so bad last time and it scares me. I will just get even more panicky. Also I'd be worried about coming off them in the future. I just don't know if they will help how i feel because most of how I feel is due to circumstances/things I've gone through. How will they stop my fears of being ill?

OP posts:

Aridane · 29/10/2018 17:29

Sorry- typo - physical ill health

Aridane · 29/10/2018 17:30

Some anti depressants are also anti anxiety medication

MNHQ

LornaMumsnet · 29/10/2018 18:36

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website, or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

greenberet · 30/10/2018 14:05

How are you doing today Op?

Original poster

Ribbon14 · 09/11/2018 17:10

Hi all,

Am feeling at my lowest point. Since I last posted my health has gone downhill and am so worried what is wrong. I have to have an invasive medical procedure on Tuesday which I'm terrified about. Feel like I can't get through it and so worried what it's going to show. On top of this feel like my marriage is going down the drain. I have no hope. I'm ready to just run away from everything :'( feel like no one can help

OP posts:

MrsPatmore · 09/11/2018 17:28

Have you tried Lorazepam to calm you down/relax? It works immediately and can really take the edge off but can't be given long term as it is addictive. Have you tried Sertraline or Citalopram? It's awful at first but AD's do take time to kick in. Your GP could start you on these or request an admission to support you.Please tell them you are suicidal. It is very frightening but you can get through it. The No More Panic forum has some helpful posters and experience.

Original poster

Ribbon14 · 09/11/2018 17:32

I have diazepam? I've tried both sertraline and citalopram but unfortunately they both made me really sick and lost loads of weight so couldn't continue. I'm frightened and don't know where to turn

OP posts:

MrsPatmore · 09/11/2018 19:14

How are you now? Lorazepam is stronger. I think it has better results than Diazepam but withdrawal isn't great. I think you may need to attend A and E. Try not to be too frightened - they can help you in the short and long term. Your partner may be paralysed at not being able to help you. Just focus on yourself at the moment.

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