feel quite desperate and tearful re dh

[edam]

Was just emailing a friend, talking about depression (she has it as does my dh). Found myself writing that dh used to be funny, clever and caring - those were his outstanding characteristics that everyone who came across him recognised. And realised that he is none of those things any more. . Makes me want to burst into tears, tbh. He's just not him any more.

What can I do? He's on Prozac and has finally, after waiting for a year, got a referral to NHS therapy, but they have no staff and have just palmed him off with a group that really isn't helping (all but three have dropped out). Fuck. Where did our lives go so wrong.

Hi Edam, I don't know what to say but did not want to leave your thread unanswered. I am really sorry for you & your DH. Sorry no help.

babe, i have no advice, your probably the person who actually knows the medical stuff to look out for.

thinking of you - if you want to get drunk ...anytime cat me.

Thank you. I just want the 'real' dh back. And so, I think, does he. He's certainly not happy living like this.

Bless you Custy - have you seen the teenager caught with porn, thread, btw? Lots of people, inc. me, singing your praises.

Is paying for some one to one psychotherapy at all possible for you edam?
I know of a very good practice in central London that charges according to ability to pay.
IME the NHS just cannot help on this front.
Depression is a miserable scourge. As you say, it changes the person you love and makes every aspect of daily life a burdensome minefield.
BUT treatment and counselling can and do help. XXX

If you can recommend a practice, Marina, that would be fab. Dh did see a therapist privately but did his 'I'm so chirpy, me' coping act (not consciously) and after three sessions therapist said dh didn't need to see him. NOT true at all.

It's shit, isn't it? Dh and I have both had spells of depression - it's his turn at the moment and it's lonely. You do get lost in the illness.

Is the therapy group the only option? My aunt is depressed and has been assigned a community psychiatric nurse (after a long wait) who is great and seems to be really helping her. Maybe it depends where you are though.

Good point, Annie, thanks.

Second Annie's suggestion. There are lots of different SSRIs and they seem to work differently on different people. Seroxat works wonderfully well for me but I know it isn't right for everyone. Get the GP to consider other alternatives.

Re the "chirpy" thing - IKWYM. Dh does that too, even with me sometimes. It's a sort of hollowed out version of the real dh. Just as you say, he doesn't realise he's doing it because he's always been a coper.

yes saw it there will be a backlasham staying away

seriously...beer.....mmmmmmm depression &berevement - we wont cry!

dh loves his beer, has even joined CAMRA.

hi edam
is your dh seeing a psychiatrist as well, or just the group therapy? CPN?
Sounds like medication needs a shakeup. i can recommend venlafaxine although it has some difficult side-effects - dont' they all

group therapy can be very good but not in those circs

go back to gp tbh

i do so know how this drains colour out of life

that's exactly right but it's drained dh out of life, really.

interesting about group therapy, no, he doesn't have a psychiatrist or CPN, NHS in our area is shite, basically bankrupt.

Inner City Centre I'd recommend them to anyone
Agree that Prozac may not be the answer.

thank you Marina, you don't know how wonderful a recommendation is. Feeling slightly tearful now because you have all been so helpful and so lovely! THANK YOU everyone.

edam, sorry you're going through this. there's some good advice here, xxxx

I was recommended them too edam. I could not agree with you more that knowing somewhere is reputable and likely to be able to help, is a boost towards picking up the receiver and making that call.
I wish you all the luck in the world XXX

Have emailed dh. Which is probably the wrong thing to do but hey, I needed to act and Marina's link is very exciting. The idea that dh can find himself again is ... it would be so unbelievably fantastic.

i hope things work out

when i was depressed, i tried lots of different meds, but venlaflaxine, at a high dose, as mentioned earlier, was the one that actually made a difference, within days, not weeks....

hope he is on the mend soon x

I'm sorry to hear this edam. It can be very difficult coping with a loved one's depression. Don't forget to look after yourself in all of this.

Will go to the GP and shout about drugs not working, as well.

Fox, thank you, it is hard to know what is the right thing to do. I only discovered recently that the medicine I'm on for a chronic condition (something completely different) is actually an anti-depressant (only used very rarely in that indication though, usually for my condition). Explains why I never actually cracked when I was in the job from hell nightmare!

lol - is it amitriptyline? I get bad migraines and when I was going through the treatment options, I very nearly asked for amitriptyline once I discovered it had AD properties.

I know Al-anon is there to support families/friends of alcoholics but there's nothing specific for families of those with any form of mental illness. I know MIND does leaflets but I often think it's a big gap in support services really. Depression (and any mental illness) is quite hard to understand if you've not suffered it yourself.