feel quite desperate and tearful re dh

[edam]

Was just emailing a friend, talking about depression (she has it as does my dh). Found myself writing that dh used to be funny, clever and caring - those were his outstanding characteristics that everyone who came across him recognised. And realised that he is none of those things any more. . Makes me want to burst into tears, tbh. He's just not him any more.

What can I do? He's on Prozac and has finally, after waiting for a year, got a referral to NHS therapy, but they have no staff and have just palmed him off with a group that really isn't helping (all but three have dropped out). Fuck. Where did our lives go so wrong.

No, an anti-epileptic (so you can see why it is so rarely prescribed for depression alone).

Thing is, I've supported my mother and my sister through very severe bouts of depression. So I should know how to do this. But it's different with dh, somehow, I'm floundering around.

I imagine it feels more personal?

Poor you (and dh). Is he someone who is not easy to help (you said he was a coper)?

(fwiw, I think GPs don't necessarily refer to psychiatrists unless it's a severe mental illness problem or they've exhausted all the normal medication options iyswim. Does sound like it is worth getting his medication reviewed. I think Prozac is the default AD they hand out first of all. Other ones may suit him much better).

No, he isn't easy to help. Is a coper to the outside world. Tends to either take it out on me (in a being bloody miserable/angry way, not a domestic violence way) or hide away at home.

Not sure it is more personal... I think it could be that I feel responsible for how dh is feeling/feel got at if he's miserable?

yes, I can understand that responsibility feeling (though you aren't responsible, you know that?).

Hope you can persuade him to try for the counselling (and be honest and not pretend to be coping - it's hard to let your defences down, especially when it's in a situation where naturally, you are making them sky high protective!).

edam has your doctor spoken to you about support groups for people who care for relatives with depression it might help to talk about it with people in the same position. I've been where your DH is and I've also grown up with a severely depressed mother, its hard for both people in this situation. Don't underestimate the toll it's taking on you, you shouldn't have to shoulder the burden alone.

Have been feeling much better about it since posting this thread - it was only when I stopped and thought about it that it got to me. Must do something about it, though, and not slip back into day to day carrying on. I emailed dh the link to the London centre, but he's been frantic at work (plus he is applying for jobs as his company is selling off half their business, so we don't know what his future is).