Dont know where to turn

[Chocnibbles]

Been having a really bad few weeks feeling very suicidal and hearing a voice. I feel like i have no where to turn. No one cares about how i feel my friend and family only care about how they would feel if i did kill myself and my friend said she would end up killing herself if i did. Ive tried speaking to mental health my care co didnt care and neither did the crisis team. Im out of options but feel stuck because i dont want to be responsible for my friends death but i cant do this anymore

What up?
I am sure someone will be able to help with more practical stuff but in the meantime tell me about your day. What did you have for dinner?

You seem worried about other people so you must be a very kind person.
But what about you? What do you need in this moment? What would make you feel safe?

www.nhs.uk/conditions/suicide/
Help lines here

Ive not really done anything today been for a walk to try and help and got a bit of shopping. Had veggie fingers and mash for tea. Im out now because having my headphones in helps me to not hear the voice and i just cant seem to manage to do that at home

www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/suicidal-feelings/helping-yourself-now/#.W7_Y1nMo80M ideas for coping strategies here.

I like perfume or listening to what's going on outside as a way of grounding myself.

Its hard because i dont really want to be safe but i have to, its such a battle and ive tried a lot of the helplines in the past and they dont normally help becuase its stuff i have either tried or they seem to annoy me because i dont have the best patience at times like this. Im such a mess

www.hearing-voices.org/resources/free-downloads/

Coping with hearing voices.

You're so brilliant to post on here and acknowledge you're struggling.

At the moment being out when its quiet with 1 headphone in singing quietly is helping the most as im concentrating but also causes people to worry. Last night i was put till after 4 in the morning

I agree that often the strategies are things you've heard about already.
It can be really frustrating.

I have found when I've rung them that its the act of somebody being there as a listening ear and keeping me company that has helped.

Exercise is good too. It sounds like you're using that strategy already!

Thank you ive already got that hangout, probably seem like im dismissing everything but i genuinely have tried so much to try and help myself. I dont like admitting i need help from people mainly because professionals dont help when you ask for it.

They normally try and get me off the phone as quick as possible if its crisis team and samaritans give you to much talking time so to many awkward silences

I can identify with finding a lot of suggestions unhelpful.
It has to be stuff that works for you.

I think the main thing is feeling you deserve to have help and company and to work towards feeling better and safer.
What that looks like for you is entirely your choice.

You're experiencing your attention being divided which must be really draining and must mean it takes longer to think things through and concentrate.
Try not to give up if it takes a while to feel you're moving in the right direction.

Whenever i feel like i am getting somewhere i end up back here and its so draining i have emotionally unstable personality disorder so its so tiring trying manage my fluctuations although at the moment its just really low. I was helpfully told tonight it will probably get worse before it gets better when im im therapy but if i cant cope now how am i suppose to cope when i start that. Just read the drip feed thread though and that made me smile.

I'm reading the one about Scottish phrases.

I try and see it like a spiral.
You feel like you're back in the same place again but actually you see things from a slightly different angle and you're one more time around knowing you survived the last time.

I don't know if it's always true that therapy makes you feel worse.
It's hard work.
But it should go at your pace.

The way i view it is that i always end up back here no matter how hard i try to not get back here i do. This time has been different because i tried getting help right away but it actually made me feel worse because i made no improvement added onto the knowledge that it wasnt for lack of trying its exhausting. Im also realising how much of a negative person i am and if it was the other way round i would probably get irratated. I over think everything so much.

Nobody is 100% a negative person.
You're having a hard time.

It's so disappointing when you summon up your courage and ask for help and it ends up not really helping.
But the positive is that you did ask. And that means you can reach out again.
And keep going until you find a way of coping that's sustainable.

But the disappointment is real and you need space to feel your feelings. It takes energy to process it.

Im gonna give it another go if i can in the morning with my doctor been trying to see her for weeks but shes always fully booked. So i think im gonna have to get up and go into the doctors as they open at 8 where as the phone lines open at 8.30 and can never get through. She cant do that much but will do what she can and does listen and i need to go as im suppose to be starting meds for the voice anyway

Hey choc. I am soooo sorry ! I fell asleep in the 5 minutes between me posting and you replying - sorry!!! Glad there were other cleverer people around!

Hope the appt goes well with the GP. Would having the radio on at home all day work too? Have you got anything else on today? I have to do some studying & the house is all messy !

Mmm veggie fish fingers sound nice comforting food for the dark stormy weather

Sorry stuff is so fucking tough for you xxxxx

My appointment is this afternoon and thankfully is with my doctor as she'd had a cancellation and i have someone round for 3 hours today, she is coming around half 12. I have the tv on and only put on netflix and stuff really as i cant concentrate on new things so just watch stuff i have watched so much as i can manage that just about.

How going?

Not good doctor didnt do anything im so exhausted from it all

Hi Chocnibbles,

We're really sorry to hear you're feeling so very low after seeing your doctor today.

We hope you don't mind, but we thought we'd add a link to our Mental Health resources. There are lots of organisations listed which could perhaps offer you a bit more support - we know you've said that you've tried various support lines in the past, but please do take a look. There's Mind - they have lots of information on different mental health problems, including hearing voices. Mind also has lots of support tips for everyday living. They also offer evening telephone support, via SANEline - their number is 0300 304 7000.

Please also take a look at the Mental Health Forum if you'd rather 'talk' online.

We know you've said that the Samaritans haven't been quite what you've needed in the past, but we're going to add the links again here just so they're all in one place. Their national freephone number is 116 123. You can go to the Samaritans website, or email them on [email protected].

We can see that you're getting some good support from other Mumsnetters here - please keep talking, but please do take a look at the professional help that's out there too.

We really hope the above links are useful and that things start feeling a bit easier for you soon. Sending good wishes.

Ooh that is super Joanne.

That is pants choco.

It is way too early to be awake on a Saturday AM