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Mental health

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Original poster

Raped and have no one

55 replies

Youdontbelieve · 28/09/2018 23:32

I was attacked and raped Wednesday night, someone i knew but not well.
I have no family or close friends, police were great to start with all female then soco came yesterday and had 2 males question me over and over, they didn't believe me,.
I went for examination and the doctor was so amazing but got taken home by a police officer who kept asking me if I actually may have be mistaken and agreed to sex but 'not that kind of sex"
I may be wrong but as a woman who's just been raped and abused you don't put them in a car with a man, police officer or not

OP posts:

dingdongdigeridoo · 29/09/2018 00:43

I’m so sorry OP. Herts Rape Crisis have limited hours: hertsrapecrisis.org.uk/ it sounds like if you leave them a message they’ll get back to you soon though. Stay strong.

nameynamerson2018 · 29/09/2018 00:45

Please come back and talk to us @Youdontbelieve

dingdongdigeridoo · 29/09/2018 00:45

Oh, there is a helpline here that is 24/7. Might be worth a try: www.hertssarc.org/

Original poster

Youdontbelieve · 29/09/2018 01:05

I've actually just got off the phone to the Samaritans but still don't know how to feel.

The police office left me a voicemail today saying he needs to speak to me but that fills me with dread

I just want this to all end, I really really did not do anything to make him do this, thank you for all messages of support just need I guess to say I promise I didn't ever agree to what he did.

OP posts:

SoleBizzz · 29/09/2018 01:13

No you did not agree to what he did to you at all. You were not willing at all.

You are not to.blame.

You blaming yourself is pointless as it is a lie.

Rebecca36 · 29/09/2018 01:18

I am so very, very sorry for you and outraged at what the police officer said to you although I suppose they have to tell you about the difficulties.

You took the first step by reporting the rape which is absolutely the right thing to do. Even if your case is difficult to prove, the guy may do it again, in fact is likely to, and the fact that you reported will be on file.

You're an incredibly brave person, do you realise that? Hold your head high & remember you as a person are a lot more than what that man did to you. I wish you were near me now and I'd take care of you. You'll get plenty of support on here.

Sharpandshineyteeth · 29/09/2018 01:32

You’ve done more than most. Of course right now is going to feel like shit. Don’t let the fuckers win

Bodear · 29/09/2018 01:35

I believe you. You’re stronger than you know and it will get better. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other and it will get better xx

oldgimmer78 · 29/09/2018 05:12

OP you have been incredibly brave and I'm so sorry about how you were treated x

ToesInWater · 29/09/2018 05:32

I'm so sorry you have been through this and horrified to hear how the police are treating you. I know you are not feeling strong at the moment but can you tell the police that you really only want to speak to a female officer?

Rainbowqueeen · 29/09/2018 05:34

I believe you

And I’m proud of you. You are taking steps to try to make sure he never hurts anyone again. That’s so brave

The police are right in saying it is hard to get convictions. But that’s their job. You have done yours in reporting it.

Please focus on getting support for yourself.

Chiffon · 29/09/2018 05:50

Having been raped, I can guarantee you, that nobody can tell you how it's going to feel for you. And it's only you that you have to worry about. Only you. I can tell you though that this will some day be a memory. I can tell you that it doesn't affect your sex life because rape is not sex and your mind doesn't conflate the two thankfully, or not in my case. I can tell you that the police process CAN be longwinded. They told me to expect 2 years (September). In January he was jailed, not for my rape, but of a subsequent rape in October. He was jailed for her rape, I didn't do the interview. I basically had a nervous breakdown and didn't leave the house until I heard he was jailed. It's all a load of nonsense because in your head there are memories and then you have police officers trying to be nice to you which doesn't fucking seem normal either. I would recommend counselling, just because I found it useful to find out that it wasn't my fault. It will I'm sure feel very much your fault. It's not though. Cunts would rape a hole in the wall. It was nothing about you. You just happened to be there. I hope this is helpful and not me just spilling my own thoughts out.

Chiffon · 29/09/2018 06:02

And bizarrely maybe, I tried to tell myself that it was the same as a one night stand and that it was nothing and that I was being a drama queen until he raped someone else and was convicted. I didn't even believe myself because it's so fucking unbelievable. So be prepared for your thoughts going everywhere.

Chiffon · 29/09/2018 06:09

Mine was a violent rape, so I can only imagine how non-violent rapes can fuck someone up. You try to tell yourself you weren't raped so it doesn't feel so bad. Or maybe that's just me. Possibly just me! What I'm trying to say is don't be surprised if your mind starts trying to play tricks on you. What way that manifests may be different I presume with everyone.

Counselling and taking up a self defence class helped me feel stronger.

Chiffon · 29/09/2018 06:18

My apologies, for something I feel so strongly about, I have managed to post an entirely incoherent few posts. I'm sorry. I'm still a bit muddled in my thinking about it so just blurted stuff out randomly. Probably not remotely helpful! Thinking of you. x

Chiffon · 29/09/2018 06:47

And sorry, to answer your original post, they asked me the exact same thing. I just cried and told them to fuck off. They apologised and said that they were sorry to ask but they would be asked and I would be asked in court. So I screamed and shoved them out the door. Not sure that helps either.

Chiffon · 29/09/2018 06:51

The specific question they asked, bearing in mind that I walked for 3 hours in flip flops to get home with bruised ribs and in shock, they asked me 'Did you maybe go back there and consent to sex'. That's why I never made the statement.

Chiffon · 29/09/2018 06:54

I too felt like they didn't believe me. If that's a question they ask as standard, maybe they fucking need to rethink it. In my head I was thinking, 'yes, I rang you shower of cunts who I despise anyway, because I shagged someone and just felt like reporting a rape for the hell of it - NO YOU STUPID BASTARDS.'

SuperLoudPoppingAction · 29/09/2018 06:57

How are you doing today?

What that police officer said was cruel. And not in line with the law anyway.

Consent should be established before each activity and can be withdrawn during any activity.

He's spouting myths.

You would be within your rights to complain.

Chiffon · 29/09/2018 06:58

It was only when he was convicted of the other girl's rape (15) that I actually believed myself again! Wow, when I think of it. It's really not ok.

Winkybum · 29/09/2018 07:05

I believe you

eyeoresancerre · 29/09/2018 07:08

Youdontbelieve - we believe you, we will support you and we are with you - don't give up. We are with you.
-Chiffon - you are blooming wonderful for sharing and your rape sounds absolutely horrific. I think good for the op to hear she's not alone.
I wish there was something I could do in real life. Actually I wish men would just stop causing indescribable pain and grief.

HappyHedgehog247 · 29/09/2018 07:13

We believe you. Keep seeking support. Once people know they will want to help. We want to try and help.

fieryginger · 29/09/2018 07:39

I believe you. Please don't feel responsible!

False rape reporting hurts women who have been raped. It's not only criminal to the men it directly affects, it hurts women like you - it is a crime that hurts real victims of rape. The police have to make sure they are doing the right thing, hence their questioning BUT they should take care not to make victims feel the way you do. That cop in the car was out of order.

If you feel low, that you cannot cope, talk there's a support network for rape victims, there's a free phone helpline, specifically for rape victims (I am aware I keep saying "victims" but you ARE and this is not ok). Please call them for support, tell them you have no one irl you can talk too.

Hugs to you op 💐💐💐💐

rapecrisis.org.uk/

whenlifegetshard · 29/09/2018 07:50

I believe you.

Take it a micro step at a time. You don’t owe anyone anything right now- you just need to look after yourself. Please call the Samitarians- they’ll listen, or you don’t even really need to talk.

Keep posting- we’re here

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