Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Mental health

Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Feeling Depressed

26 replies

slinkee · 10/06/2007 22:51

I'm not sure what I need to ask really but I was hoping for a few words of wisdom as I have been crying on and off all day. I have been feeling depressed for a while now. I have a 4 mnth old and a 4 yr old. I have felt so low this wk/end - and just worse than ever. My dh is not here right now, he works away for weeks at a time so I know part of this is being lonely - things don't seem as bad when he is home (though the feelings of depression are still there, just somehow manage to manage them better when he's home). Anyway, today I spoke to my dh on the phone today and I was saying how unhappy I felt he wasn't really listening to me and we ended up saying stupid things I can't really remember and he said I was crazy so I hung up and unplugged the phone - this was so mean as I know he worries about me and finds it hard as he can't be here for me. Anyway, we have since talked and I admitted to him first time that yes this is more than being low and missing him and said I would go to gp. Dh thinks i've got PND and i haven't wanted to admit it before but I do think he is right. The thing is I have never been the sunniest person and since teenage years have always had moments of feeling low. i was prescribed ad's in my early 20's but never took them and managed to get through whatever was happening at the time. I know I need to go to the gp but I am scared of taking ad's and always needing them. I feel like I have really failed at being a wife and mum. I have been so snappy with my dd recently and raised my voice which I never use to do. I feel I owe it to her mostly - as when my dh is away she see's the worse of it. I smit I don't know anything about ad's really and I am scared basically of them making me a different person. A false person - not the real me. I am also worried that there is something 'wrong' in my life that will still be there even if I take ad's. I know there are some things that need to change. I feel so sorry for my dh as he works so hard in a stressful job and when he's home I take everything out on him and he hardly moans - just takes it as says he loves me and I only take it out on him as have no-one else to. I'm sorry if this is boring. I know I've gone on but not sure why I have posted this.

OP posts:

millie99 · 10/06/2007 22:54

Please don't apologise - you are not boring anyone. You are depressed and ill and you know yourself you need to go to your doctor. Please print out what you have just typed and take it to show him/her. It is not your fault you feel this way. Best of luck

GooseyLoosey · 10/06/2007 22:56

Much of your post could heve been written by me at various points in the last 5 years. Do try the ADs, there are lots of people fpr whom they have done great things. Didn't really do much for me. What helped more was talking therapies with a psychologist - made me consider what triggered my unhappiness and why. It has not cured everything but instead of feeling I'm drowing in a morass of misery, I now feel as if I'm walking in a long tunnel with light at the end.

Good luck. Also remeber you have not failed your children - every parent in the world has bad phases and children seldom remember them later, but do deal with things now.

Original poster

slinkee · 10/06/2007 23:03

Thank you for the replies. I have wondered if therapy is an option but worried it could make me feel worse. I know things from the past could be the cause as my life now is v. good and have wonderful dh who I love. Only thing I would change is his working away but I know this is not enough to make me feel so depressed as I had these feelings even before we met.

OP posts:

mamama · 10/06/2007 23:25

Well done for posting.

Being depressed is horrible. It's the most awful experience. I think you have taken a huge step by admitting to yourself that you are not just feeling low and an even bigger step by talking to your DH about it.

My experience of ADs is that they do not make you feel like a different person. When they work (for me) they make me feel more like the normal me. They can make you feel yucky for a week or two when you start on them, but that goes away. They do take a while to kick in, so you have to be patient which, when you are feeling very depressed is not easy. Please do talk to your GP.

And, from your post, you are obviously a wonderful mum and a great wife. It's not always easy to see that for yourself. Hang on in there. x

Original poster

slinkee · 10/06/2007 23:36

mamama, yes this does feel like the most awful experience. The fact it consumes my life right now gets to me as I worry about the impact on my lo's. Being irrational and knowing I am being totally irrational does my head in aswell.

OP posts:

NikkiBFG · 10/06/2007 23:44

Slinkee....

I had PND....not sure if that is what you have, but its clear it is some form of depression and just wanted to let you know that you aren't alone.

I was so poorly with it, that I used to panic if was on my own with DS - felt as if just couldn't cope with responsibility of being a mum and that I was doing a crap job- even DH going to the shower used to stress me out!! I too used to get soooo annoyed with myself at how irrational I was and then worried about it...never ending spiral...I went to Dr's and was prescribed AD's...they made me feel worse for a week or so but then its been a slow but steady climb from there on with loads of support from DH, family and friends.

I feel so much better now and at the time, I really couldn't see any way out of it and thought it wouldn't get better but it does!! Now, DH is at work full time, I'm looking after DS all day and enjoying it rather than being a gibbering wreck and even want no two at some point!!

Hope this helps and you realise that it will end and you will start to feel better soon

Big hugs

XXXXX

kel4mum · 10/06/2007 23:50

I had PND but once i spoke to health visitor they got the ball rolling on finding me the right care. I had AD's and went group counelling which i found amazing. I met people who were going through the same thing as me. I got through this and there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Please see your GP or health visitor and get the help that you need. I dont know if its available in your area but the people who did councelling for me were called Sure Start, but you do need to be referred. Good Luck.

mylittleimps · 10/06/2007 23:52

how difficult for you without your DH there, it is good that he has recognised PND and he sounds very supportive.

you mention therapy/councilling - IMO if you followed this route it should allow you to explore your feelings and be supportive to you and not make you feel worse. most people if they want this sort of help find it a relief as it is somewhere they can talk without judgement and in confidence.

your GP should give you advice about ADs you can ask about all the different options and side effects

what about you HV? have you a good rapour with her? would it be easier talking with the HV rather than a GP in the first instance.

i recently heard about this service through ex work colleagues as it's new to the area and they were promoting it, perhaps there is one in your area? it could offer you some support in confidence if you don't want to use family to talk with.

www.home-start.org.uk/needsupport/

there's also parentline (hope that's the right name, in the front of the phone book) if you need to speak to someone directly in confidence.

best wishes,

mamama · 10/06/2007 23:53

If it is consuming your life, it is definitely time to do something about it... let us know what you decide to do and how you get on. And keep posting on here - we'll be here for you.

{hugs}

Original poster

slinkee · 10/06/2007 23:54

Thank you NBFG, it's lovely to have words of support and it does help. I haven't spoken to anyone about it other than my dh. Tbh I don't think I could tell anyone as it would be too difficult. I am so nervous of going to the gp aswell. I am one of these people, good at putting on a front - when I explain about the depression probably won't be able to control myself. I got v. emotional during my last pregnancy - handheld notes said v. tearful at nearly every appointment!

Thanks again xx

OP posts:

twolittleducks · 10/06/2007 23:57

slinkee

You've already made your first step by coming on here and talking about it...

Like the others said, therapy is really good way of releasing it all, depression is not only treated with ADs..

I had PND after dd1 and it was ongoing for quite a while, was in total denial, it can go on for years.. My friend is a counsellor and she sees lots of women with PND from previous children(not saying that you had this before) and it hasnt been treated properly.. I found talking made it so much better and got some support behind me, you will realise there is nothing wrong with you
HTH

NikkiBFG · 10/06/2007 23:57

Oh Slinkee - I burst into floods at the dr when I admitted I had PND...I thought that they would take DS away from me and was in bits at the thought of it.....Dr was soooo understanding and just smiled gently and said, no we wouldn't do that at all....cue more sobbing from me. In fact, I think I've cried more in front of other people since I've had DS than I've cried in my entire life (and that includes when I first got dumped!!! ) so please don't worry about being emotional - better out that in I always say and what a good excuse for Chocolate a good cry is!

twolittleducks · 11/06/2007 00:00

slinkee- that was part of my thing, putting on a happy front, in the end its so tiring and consuming.. your not alone at all, and you have so much support here...

Dont be frightened it is perfectly normal.. Your DH sounds like he will be a real support to you

Original poster

slinkee · 11/06/2007 00:01

I haven't had much to do with my HV but I found out she retired last month so as it happens I meet the new one tomorrow. I might see what she's like and maybe talk to her if I get a chance. On second thoughts, it is at the baby clinic and lots of mums will be there so I don't want to get upset there. Thanks for the link mylittleimps I will have a look. Kel4mum, we have surestart in our town, I don't know if they do counselling. x

OP posts:

twolittleducks · 11/06/2007 00:02

NikkiBFG- * tld nods head in agreement and chocolate idea *

kel4mum · 11/06/2007 00:03

Your health visitor should give you a check list to fill in about your feelings, this gives her an indication on whether you do have PND. I really know how you feel. Do you have any other symptoms e.g cant sit still, restless or over tired. I use to and still do now a little, tap my foot when i was getting really aggertated(sorry about spelling)

Original poster

slinkee · 11/06/2007 00:06

twolittleducks, that's interesting as I don't know if I have had PND since birth of my 4yr old. It was a v. traumatic birth, hence why my recent pregnancy was so emotional and I ended up having an elective c.section as I felt unable to go through another natural delivery. But I guess that is a different story.

OP posts:

Original poster

slinkee · 11/06/2007 00:13

kel4mum No other symptons I can think of. I feel that everything is an effort right now though and don't have much motivation. Infact, if I didnt have to run my dd around I doubt I'd go anywhere right now. Ds just woke for night feed. x

OP posts:

twolittleducks · 11/06/2007 00:14

You would be suprised, my friend saw a lady who had pnd from baby 1 and like 6 years later was still suffering..

I personally, no expert here, think that talking about your first birth and the difficulties you had would really help you a lot... To come to terms with things.

I really feel for you, honestly, it is awful when you just feel you can't do it, but you are not alone at all. I had some difficulties with dd1 birth and aftercare, and never really got over it.. Suprisingly was only after dd2 that i got over it, and a lot of talking and saying to people 'yes i am depressed and yes i have just had a baby, now get over it so i can too'

Original poster

slinkee · 11/06/2007 00:25

Yes, It could be from the first birth. I cannot talk about it without crying and I think I thought that by having a better experience second time round and being more in control things would all be ok, but second pregnany marred (not sure of spelling) by the first.

OP posts:

twolittleducks · 11/06/2007 00:27

If still, after 4 years, you feel like that, then it is still having a big effect on you.. And you need to release all those feelings.

Was your second childs birth easier?? Sorry, tell me to mind me own if im being nosey!

Original poster

slinkee · 11/06/2007 00:35

I had an elective caesarean and it wasn't anything like my first so yes it was easier in many ways but I had to fight with my consultant to get it and she was most unsympathetic - I described my feelings to her but her main concern was that I was fit and healthy (physically). After speaking to her I almost felt like she was just avoiding the emotional side of it. So easier in one way but a rollercoaster until the birth as did not know if I would get the C-section. Sorry does this make sense?!

OP posts:

twolittleducks · 11/06/2007 00:41

Yes it does... I havent dissapeared just sorting out dd2

Original poster

slinkee · 11/06/2007 00:46

my ds just back to sleep now so what happened when you were diagnosed with PND?

OP posts:

Original poster

slinkee · 11/06/2007 00:52

I need to get some sleep now - so tired. Thanks for your messages though It is so encouraging and anymore advice I am grateful for as I will check back tomorrow. x

OP posts:

Flip

1 2