I lost my dad this morning, a friend on sunday and coping with a new born, feel awful

[sheepgomeep]

I'm not coping at all well, what else can go wrong.. I feel so numb and hollow. I can't cope with my baby and dp and I are row row row.

I had a terrible birth with complications after my caesarian nearly 3 weeks ago, I lost my dad to cancer this morning and a friend of mine was found dead by her bf on sunday.

I can't believe this is happening. My anger levels are sky high and i'm so tired.

I can't believe my dad has gone

I might pop over to the may 07 board tomorrow, thank you so much for the offers of help.

fio I know what you mean about having to operate on two levels. I even went to ds and dd1 sports day today 2 hours after my dad died just so I had some normality. So there I was cheering them on and inside my heart was breaking

Dp and I have got on a bt better today but that is because of today. He keeps coming and giving me hugs which is nice as we have been awful to each other lately

flossie I'm sorry for your loss also.. you must be going through hell too

Thank you all too for your advice about bonding.. i just hope all this won't have any effect on her.

This is so awful... i'm going to have a bath in a bit to try and relax a bit

Thank you all again

Oh how awful for you

i'm already with homestart luckily.. they have been really supportive throughout my dads illness and the probs i've had

Oh I'm so sorry, poor you. Can you get some practical help with your baby so you can rest and grieve? Please try to be kind to yourself, much sympathy.

Sheepgomeep, my condolences with regards to your losses.
If you think about emotions being a continuum, you are expected to be at both ends at once at this point in your life.

Go easy on yourself.

Ohh (im crying) sooo sorry take your time the bonding will happen, is there anyone to watch the children while you have good cry? if not i cry in the bath! then say got soap/shampoo in my eyes! hope you get through this traumatic time all my thoughts with you!

So sorry to hear this.....go easy on yourself...the bonding is gradual and will happen, don't pressurise yourself...keep talking to dp and get all the help with the other dcs you can....sympathy and thoughts to you.

sheep - don't worry about the lack of bonding with your baby and the effect it will have on her. Plenty of people don't bond instantly with their babies for far less reason than you have and no harm comes to them in the long run.

When I shared with people that it took me a while to bond with my (adopted) DS I was shicked at the number of people who said "oh it took me a couple of months to bond with my baby, it isn't always instant even if you give birth to them you know". It helped me a lot to know that and I know realise that I just to do it at my own pace.

sorry, there's really not much anyone can say, but you have my utmost sympathy. I lost my Ma when I was 18 weeks pg and a friend died suddenly last year, so I can imagine what you feel like. {{{{hugs}}}}

Sheep - I am so sorry you are going through such a sad time. I am sorry you have lost two people close to you, and with your own health issues top

You will bond with your LO. You will find you experience extremes of emotions but in time they will even up, and you will be able to find a way to put aside/cope with your losses. I hope that makes sense.

I have an 11 month old, lost mum (very very close to) and my dad (did not know him really) this year, and felt at times that I was pulled and did not know how to feel two paralles, amazing feelings of love for DD at the same time deep sadness and upset at the loss of my mum. I worried that it would have a negative effect on my DD, but she is a gem, and has helped me through the darkest times, I think I am on the up now, I know it might not seem like it, and its a cliche but time is a healer.

Your children will be your light to guide you.

I am thinking of you x

What a horrible time for you. Please don;t expect too much of yourself. Be honest with your DH about how you are feeling.

You poor poor thing. Your little DD will help when you least expect it.

i'm very sorry to hear this, be gentle on yourself x

I'm so sorry Sheepgomeep. No one should have to deal with so much at once

Your baby will be fine, (s)he is too small at the moment to notice anything. Bonding and love will come in time.

Be kind to yourself, give yourself chance to grieve. Keep talking on here when you need to.

i am so sorry, didnt want to read and not post. {{{{{{hugs}}}}}}

SGM - love to you. What a terrible time for you and all involved
Do try to remember yourself in amongst all of this pain and try not treat yourself too harshly
XX

Oh Sheep (another fan here of the name-always makes me smile)
I lost my Mum suddenly 4 wks before dd was born so I have some idea of what you are going through.
I loved dd the day she was born but am not sure bonding was instantaneous-she is my only so have nothing to compare to.

No advice,just warm wihes.

Sheepgomeep-I am so ,so sorry for your loss
I will be thinking of you
xxx

hi all

thanks for your kind words, my dads funeral is next wednesday (the funeral director was lovely) and my friends funeral is the day after.

Oh this is going to be so hard

Have to agree with pavlove, and parallels between deep grief and overwhelming love for lo.

I thought grief would overwhelm everything, but in fact love for dd ran parallel with it.
Strange sensation, but dd was a huge huge help and healer