I lost my dad this morning, a friend on sunday and coping with a new born, feel awful

[sheepgomeep]

I'm not coping at all well, what else can go wrong.. I feel so numb and hollow. I can't cope with my baby and dp and I are row row row.

I had a terrible birth with complications after my caesarian nearly 3 weeks ago, I lost my dad to cancer this morning and a friend of mine was found dead by her bf on sunday.

I can't believe this is happening. My anger levels are sky high and i'm so tired.

I can't believe my dad has gone

I don't know what to say but I couldn't say nothing {{{hugs}}}

Good God. I am so sorry..

Poor you. My heart really does go out to you at this hard time.
HUGS XXXXXX

Oh my goodness, my sympathies to you. Sending you a big hug over the net wherever you are xxxxx

So sorry. I don't know what to say .
I hope you find strength to get you though this hard time {{hugs}}

I am soo sorry sheep. There is nothing I can say to ease your pain but please know that this is as bad as you will feel, from now on, you will be heading back up - slowly but hang in there.
Please come and talk about how you are feeling here - you aren't alone. Many of us have been through similar. I lost a very dear friend very suddenly when ds was 3 weeks old.
Take care of yourself

Oh crikey Sheepgomeep.
Poor you - think you'd be unnatural if you weren't feeling completely overwhelmed. New baby plus ANY additional stress and hurt must be unbeliveably hard to deal with.

So sorry I haven't any positive advice. Just wanted to send you my hugest sympathy.

On a practical level, is there anyone who can help you with the day to day things? Is your dp being unsupportive? Or is he also suffering from the shock of new baby?

Have you been transferred to the HVs from midwife care yet? Would they lend a sympathetic ear? Think you need to talk about how you're feeling because I'm sure holding it in won't help.

Think your dp needs a kick up the arse if he's not being sufficiently supportive. But failing that - any r/l friends/siblings that you can vent to?

So sorry to hear of your loss. I lost my dad and fil within 3 weeks just a few weeks ago and it is very hard.
If you feel you need help please please please make sure you tell your midwife/health visitor as they are there to help you .
Time isa great healer but you cannot be superwoman so don't try and cope on your own. >

You poor thing - what a terrible time.

Last year when I lost a friend my five year old said not to worry as another friend had just had a baby and it was them comig back to say hello. Made me cry even more but was very poignant.

I hope you get through this and that you and your baby have a wonderful and happy future together.

I'm so, so sorry for you, sheepgomeep

There is a regular poster here who lost her mum when her first child was only 2 weeks old but I haven't seen her around for a bit; she might have some advice for you. Her name is Jarm.

Where abouts are you? (if you need some practical help)

best wishes

couldn't read and not post, so sorry sheep, thats awful.

I lost my best friend when my DS was 5 weeks old, she hung herself, had a rotten emergency cs too.

no words of wisdom, just hugsxx

oh god that is awful sheep.

I'm so sorry.

I do hope your dp will rally round. Please get as much help with the baby as you possibly can. No-one, absolutely no-one would cope happily in the situation that you are dealing with at the moment. You need some breaks and some treats and please do ask for lots of help.

Oh and even in the best of circs, NO_ONE copes with a 3 week old - it's just survival! So be kind to yourself and realise what a fab job you are doing at this time.
x

sheepgomeep, I am so so sorry for your terrible losses. I can't imagine how you must be feeling right now. I know that it's the last thing you want to be doing, but you must look after you. You had a major operation just days ago. Much love, and if there's anything the May 07-ers can do, you know we will.
xxx

Hi thank you to you all that have posted.

Dp and I are suffering from new baby syndrome at the moment, he is quite practical, housework wise and so on but he can be a moody moody sod but thn he thought a lot of my dad too.

We don't have many rl friends that can help us really, we are struggling so much to cope, I've got 2 other children too.

My mum and I feel terrible we both weren't there in time to hold dads hand as he died, we got there a few minutes to late, I can't get his face out of my mind, he did look peaceful but he wasn't dad. There was nurse with him though as he died so he wasn't alone.

My mum is keeping a brave face on it all but I'm not sure if I can.

My friend was suffering too.. she is a t peace now though, only 29 a month younger than me.

My mum have had a lot of support from the district nurses (they come in every day to change my wound dressing, still not healed) and they had a lot to do with my dad too.

oh god.. Nights are the worst with the baby. I'm not bonding with her

octo what your 5 yr old said has just brought a lump to my throat.. that is a lovely way of looking at it.

I've been tranfered to hv now and she is coming on friday anyway, the district nurses will have told her, it's quite a tight knit community here.

Thank you for the offers of help.. I live in wrexham

sheep, don't pressure yourself with expecting that you WILL bond with the baby just now. I'm not a psychiatrist but I would not be one bit surprised if your emotions were pretty numbed right now as a way of protecting you from the pain and upset; and surely that would affect your ability to bond.

I'm sure that won't be a long term situation, nor will it affect your dd long term so please don't worry.

tell your dp that you need his strength and support, don't assume he will offer or know...tell him.

I so feel for you and wish i could pop round and give you a break, though why that offer from a total stranger would be of any use I do not know! Your situation sounds so very sad. I do feel for you.

Sheep - I knew you were having a tough time following the CS but can't believe what you are having to cope with now. So sorry to hear about your Dad and friend. If there is anything the May07's can do - even if it's just listen then please let us know.

Try not to stress about the bonding thing - I was talking about it with my Mum the other day and we agreed that it wasn't this overwhelming rush that hit her as she saw us. It was something that grew over time and she was not having to deal with the emotional trauma of a CS or loved ones dying. We were like strange little beings and as she got to know us the bonding happening organically.

Thinking of you xxx

I lost my mum unexpectatley 2 weeks after having my 4th baby. Your emotions and hormones will be all over the place. Try and and talk to your DH....he has to try and understand what you are going through. It will help you lots being able to talk to him. Keep cuddling your children. Cuddles are wonderful things.

Thinking of you.

You poor thing, you have so much going on to cope with. No practical help, but thinking of you and sending you virtual hugs and strength to get through this

Oh SGM...............Im so sorry about your Dad............I lost my Dad 10years ago next month, i can still remember that first day like it only just happened. God my heart goes out to you.

if you ever want to talk about it let me know i will pass you my email.XXXXX

My mum died when I was 28 weeks pregnant....I feel for you very very much.

I was put on ad's straight away, just in case. They really really helped me, and still do tbh.

I know all you will feel is confusion, numbness and shock. I don't have any advice, just a lot of sympathy........

Could homestart help?