Not coping with motherhood

[greenkiteZ]

I've just given birth to my third DC and everything has just become so shit. I'm constantly depressed, I cba looking after my baby, my other children get no attention. My middle child constantly cries and moans and whines. My older child just throws toys constantly, answers back and shouts at me.
The house is a tip, I've no money to do anything nice with the kids not that I even have the energy.
I wish I was dead

Green - you must go to the doctor and tell them how you feel.

Who do you have for support?

I’m at the start of my PND diagnosis - my baby is 6 months and I’ve been feeling low a while but couldn’t ignore it any longer. The doctor was very kind and helpful and I got a very fast referral to mental health services locally.

You aren’t alone in feeling like this and deserve to get some help.

You poor thing. Motherhood is tough and the newborn stage is challenging. Would you visit your GP or speak to your home visitor about how you are feeling? Have you spoken to your DH or your mum. Maybe let them know how you are feeling and take some support from them.

Please force yourself to go to the GP. I had PND diagnosed 3 weeks after DC1 was born. I was just crying all the time and remember desperately thinking I just don't want to feel like this.
I took Anti-Depressants ( a type that allowed me to continue to breast feed) and, although I was not Mrs Happy, it took the edge off the awful murderous shitty feelings and I could carry on. Took over 18 months though.. but I could not have carried on without medication.

I agree with others-if it’s at the stage where you wish you were dead, you need treatment for depression.

Things can always get better-seek help and make yourself happy again

I don't have pnd, my kids are just arseholes that don't sleep and never give me a moments peace.
I don't have any support, I kicked my fiancé out because I cba with him.
Every day is just absolute shit. I'm completely exhausted, I'm at the end of the line and it's never going to get better

I'm sorry to hear you are struggling OP. It's really fucking tough!
What support do you have?
Can you farm the kids out for a night so you can take a bath and rest?

Sorry just read your update.
Can he come look after the kids and you go stay with a friend/ family member for a night?
Is your relationship beyond repair?

We have a great relationship usually but atm I just cba with him, I look at him and its just nothing... There's no love there.
I don't have anybody to have the kids everybody is at work.
I just want some peace, I honestly don't feel like it's pnd. I've been awake since 3am,juggling my 18 month old daughter and my newborn daughter. My 18m.o is just wondering around screaming her head off and I don't know how to calm her down. Newborn just screams as soon as she's put down.
I don't deserve to have children with feeling like this. I couldn't even bf and feel like such a failure from it. I tried so hard 😭😭

Oh love... the hardest thing is admitting your feelings, it's so scary to feel like that, been there and come out the other side.

Echoing pp to speak to a professional, anti depressants are not magic pills but they will balance out the chemical imbalance that is making you feel so low.

Your little ones need you, I promise they do.

Trigger- a young woman locally took her life a few months ago leaving 2 teens and a pre schooler. The kids lives have been turned upside down, split up within the family and are traumatised. You wouldn't want that for your precious kids.

Thinking of you

I know you keep saying it's not pnd but it really does sound like it is... or even a mixture of sheer exhaustion and depression.
Please go see your GP
Things WILL get better. This absolutely won't last forever, I promise you.
Talk to your fiancé, I'm sure he'd rather be there with you. If it is depression, that can cloud how you feel about him. If you get the right treatment it will improve.
I always say this... if you had a broken leg would you sit at home and deal with the pain, just hoping that it gets better? Even though it is excruciating and causing you to struggle with every single aspect of your life?
No of course you wouldn't!
Please ring your gp in the morning and tell them that it's urgent! Don't let them give you an appointment 3 weeks down the line! Xx

‘Cba’ isn’t helping you or anyone.
‘Cba’ isn’t good enough.
Take some responsibility and see your GP.

Fuck sake @30hours I'll no not to go to your for sympathy 😂

@greenkiteZ however blunt, she is right..

Sorry I know it seems tough but ‘cba’ is just not good enough.
‘Cba’ is something young teenagers say. You need some help. If you ‘cba’ for your sake do it for your children.
The fiancé will work itself out. Don’t worry.

It will get better, it will get better, it will get better.

This phase won’t last forever. You will look back at think, shit, that was so hard.

Try to get out of the house as much as you can - walk to park etc - and let them watch tv afterwards.

Hang in there.

We have a great relationship usually but atm I just cba with him

If your relationship is otherwise happy then I wouldn't end it all because you're in a bad place right now. I'm not sure anyone would have energy to put into a relationship whilst they have a new born and two other children to look after...can you talk to him and perhaps concentrate on parenting together rather than the relationship at the moment? You need help and support. Things will get better, your children will grow up and they'll sleep through the night and you'll feel so much better, and your house won't always be a tip! Go and see your gp and maybe contact homestart to see if they can provide you with some practical support? Hope you feel better soon x

When I was a young teen I used to spend a lot of time with my mum's sister who had 5 kids under 6. I had no idea of the pressure she was under at the time, but I loved going round to hers for the weekend and helping.
I would take the kids to the park, get up with them so she could have a lie in on a Sunday day (her husband worked away a lot)... I coloured in with them and generally kept them entertained. I loved it and have such a close bond with my cousins now.

It was only in later life when I had kids myself did I understand how much she appreciated me.... just my presence, company and an extra pair of hands. We all got so much out of it!

Do you have any nieces / cousins who could maybe do similar?
My reward was getting to stay up late, they bought me sweets / crisps and rented movies for me. I loved those weekends

I know you're saying it's not pnd but literally everything you've said and the way you've said it points to pnd. It's probably just harder to recognise from the inside but we can see it from the outside. Please go to your GP.

But separately, and on top of this, looking after 3 kids are your own must be extremely tough. I can't imagine how hard that must be. Can you afford any help? Even a babysitter once a week for a few hours? Also if your newborn cries every time you put her down, mention that to the GP while you're there too. It could be colic or reflux and they can help with that

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website, or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

We are going to move this thread to the Mental Health section shortly.

OP it goes one of two ways with new borns - either you get the mythical sleep like a dream and poop rainbows variety, or it’s bloody hard work with a Velcro baby who you can’t put down.

I’ve had PND, I put on a really good front and it took me 5 very long months to get help, because it was always just a bad day and tomorrow would be better. It took several weeks on some lovely little pills from the doctor to get a tomorrow that was better.

Have you got a stretchy type sling you can put the newborn in while you tend to the older two? My sling helped me keep my sanity when I had two very little ones in the house.

Hang in there, you’ll get through and really do speak to your GP or HV to see if there is anything they can do to support you through this.

This definitely sounds like PND. It definitely sounds like throwing your fiancé out was a reaction. You need him back if only for the support temporarily. Go and see your GP tomorrow. You don’t have to feel like thIs.

I know you say you don't think it's pnd but everything you've said is ringing alarm bells that it is. You have a HUGE amount on your plate with three young children, everybody would feel overwhelmed even with a partner on the house to help out. I realise it's the last thing you feel like but you must go and talk to a doctor, you will feel better getting it out, I promise.

Nobody gives a shit if you breastfeed, don't put extra pressure on yourself, it's not necessary.

Take care of yourself.

When I was first diagnosed with depression it had taken me months of feeling utterly awful to admit I needed help. I was adamant I'd feel better soon. If you allow a low period to become your normal and then you feel low from there at any point, its very low and very isolating. I urge you to seek help from your GP and be open to whatever they suggest. I myself was amazed at how much SSRI's helped me, it really is a real thing the chemical imbalance, and it does need addressing. For your sake and for your children. The cba feeling has all the hallmarks of depression, don't try and fight through this alone, there is help out there.

No wonder you're stressed and down! If you are wishing you were dead it genuinely does sound like Depression which could just be temporary because you're sleep deprived but is worth seeking help for if it carries on.

Thank you all.
It probably seems like I'm just being dramatic, I probably am. I cry most nights partly from sheer exhaustion, partly from being so sad that I have nobody around me. I'm very isolated.
The only adult I speak to is my ex. My mum texts occasionally but she won't have the kids as she finds it too exhausting. I'm very lonely, I'm only 24 and feel like I've bitten off more than I can chew.
I want to go out to work, earn a fair amount of money and try make this a better home for us all but I haven't worked in 5 yrs so I think it's gonna be v hard for me to get back into it, I'm struggling on 500£ a month and it doesn't ever seem to be getting better.
I (stupidly) never realised how hard it would be having a third. I can't even take them all out because I don't have a double pram and can't afford one 😭
God what a mess

Do you have a sling? Or reins? I'm thinking toddler in buggy, baby in sling, eldest walking. Or baby in buggy, toddler on reins, eldest walking. Is there a park near you? I always found it easier to be out... picnic in the park? Let the eldest two run round a bit...tire them out!