Bi polar episode

[worriedmamma12]

Had a bipolar episode yesterday. Drank alcohol after several months sober and got myself in a state. Ended up cutting myself, trying to cut my wrists and attempting to take pills. My daughter heard me say I wanted to die and was very upset. She has also seen the cuts and is worried. My mum took me to the hospital as I felt so suicidal. They have referred me to the crisis team. I have only been diagnosed for a year and I know it takes time to get the meds right and find ways to cope but I just do t know what else I can do. I run 3x a week, I have counselling, I go to the gp every 6 weeks, I have supportive parents, 2 lovely kids and a few close friends. I don't know what else to do, I'm so tired, tired of fighting, tired of living, tired of feeling like a terrible mother and tired of being a mess. My children deserve better and I just want to be normal.

Anyone 😢

Bumping for you, you sound lovely, sorry you're struggling

I can't even imagine what that must be like. Sorry I can't be of more help but this sounds serious. Please approach your RL friends as they must be worried about you.

Have no experience whatsoever with bipolar, but could it be the alcohol? Running and supportive family sounds great. Are you addicted to alcohol?

Have you discussed a voluntary admission onto a psychiatric ward, if you are a danger to yourself?

My dh has bipolar and l know how tough it is. Alcohol is a total no no for him. Just take one day at a time and cooperate with the doctors. Things wont always be this bad. You have my utmost sympathy.

Alcohol doesn't help, I shouldn't drink, it always leads to trouble. My poor children are suffering and I don't know what to do anymore. I want to be admitted somewhere but have no one to look after the children. My ex is working and refuses to take time off to have them. Yes I'm probably an alcoholic, I went 8 months with out a drink then i lost my job and had an episode 8 weeks ago followed by this one. The guilt is crippling me. My mum is having to take time off work as I just can't manage without her x

Hi there, I'm so sorry that this has happened. You are NOT to blame and you sound like doing fantastically well when you're stable. I also have bipolar disorder and have experienced similar episodes, sometimes seemingly out of nowhere.

It sounds like alcohol was certainly a trigger for you, as I know it is for me, too. It heightens everything, including the feelings of despair and turmoil which you may push down in day-to-day life. When you're ready, do you think you could think back to what happened before you started drinking that might have exacerbated the situation? Did you drink because you were feeling low, or did you try and drink socially and things got out of hand? Even if there wasn't one particular trigger and more like an accumulation of factors, that's ok too. It might be helpful to take that to the crisis team and GP when you see them next, so they could see if there is any other support available. Practically, what meds are you currently on? Are you back at home now, and are you able to keep away from alcohol?

I can totally emphasise with you. I am outwardly quite high functioning but constantly feel like I am treading water - one slip can make it feel so easy to swim down. I also feel a lot of pressure to 'prove myself' to the outside world after having been so unwell. Sending hugs.

I have bipolar and can’t drink alcohol now ever. You may be able to get help as a day patient and come home for the evening, I was sectioned and have taken medication since then, I have weight gain and side effects such as slower processing but no mania, psychosis or agoraphobia, or anxiety. I am fat but sane. There are lots of different medication out there and you will be more able to get the right medication if you have the support from your mum and the crisis team.

I haven't been diagnosed with bipolar, (severe depression) but I did have a very similar experience just over a week ago. Alcohol is one of the triggers for me. I'm also seeing a crisis team. Just wanted to say you're not alone. It's early days for me, but I found talking it out, even with my partner has helped, instead of keeping it all in.

I take duloxetine and lamotragine with some diazepam as and when I need it. They sent me home as my mum is staying with me and I don't think they really knew what to do. The crisis team called me and thought that I was ok for now as my children will stop me from actually hurting myself. I am able to stop drinking again, I did it for 8 months so I can do it again. It's just very hard as everyone I know drinks but I just can't mix it with my meds x

Apologies about the alcohol addiction question, reading the replies I understand people living bi-polar just can't have alcohol at all, so even a tiny glass would hurt you.

Even if kids and your mum are great, it must be harder without a supportive partner, how about your close friends, do they know how to support you well?

How do you feel now?

It must be hard if all your friends drink!

I take Seroquel XR the dosages have gone down, and so have the side effects but I find the weight gain awful but I would rather be sane. I had some depression but the mania went into psychosis so I feel I haven’t got much choice apart from the medication. I realise there is interaction between meds and alcohol but if I wasn’t taking meds I couldn’t drink alcohol again ever again.
If you can stay off the alcohol you have a much better chance of your bipolar improving.

How old are your children?

I have close friends and family with a diagnosis of bi polar, I suspect I also have it. I’m a single mother too and there are times I struggle to keep my head above the water, at my worst I have phoned their dad and asked him to take them (he refused). I think the worst thing is the guilt, I often feel like I’m letting everyone down.

From what I have seen from people that have been diagnosed many years ago, they kind of learn to deal with the episodes. My lovely friend copes much better now than she used too, she knows when a episode is coming, she tells herself “it will pass” and she rides it out. Every episode will pass and you will feel well again.

Maybe it’s not a good idea to drink if you know it’s likely to trigger a episode? For me I can give alcohol a miss.

Sounds like you have support from your mum which is great. My mum just tells me to pull myself together or cheer up

I have phoned the doctors this morning and they are referring me to the primary Care team. I am now scared as last time they did this they contacted social services and they did an investigation. It was an incredibly difficult time and I don't want to go through that again. I feel like I'm being punished for doing the right thing. As a single mum I'm also worried that this could give my ex ammunition to try and take the children. He didn't last time and he works full time so can't really see him wanting to but I'm so anxious and worried, it's not helping my suicidal thoughts :-/

You need their help and it may just be procedure to contact social services so I would try to accept this may happen and cooperate and show commitment to getting well to the health professionals you meet. If your mum can offer support during this time it would help. You should not be penalised for seeking healthcare and try to keep that firmly in your mind. You just need their help, I would discuss what additional help your mum can offer. If you need further help you can ask your ex but from what you’ve said it doesn’t seem likely he wants to take them from you, although it would be good if he could help out sometimes but you can’t rely on that so try to ask your mum for assistance.

worried they might not contact social services (they didn’t with me) and even if they do the last thing they will want to do is remove your dc, they might encourage your ex to help out with them more, which he should be doing anyway. I worried about this too, I was referred and also called crisis team several time but have had no social services evolvement.

I have bipolar 2 in the midst of a depressive episode. I completely relate to you but we are strong we can get through this x

ellaowenmummy it's horrific- my daughter is obviously traumatised by my behaviour. She keeps saying she needs to tell daddy that I hurt my arm. I keep playing it down and saying I accidentally scratched it but she's a clever girl. I also had a friend here (male) in the morning as I was lonely and he was upset. Nothing happened we just talked but again she wants to tell daddy all about it. I have asked her not to but am terrified she will and that will cause more issues. I am feeling incredibly low and miserable, crying all the time, not sleeping and am doses up on diazepam :-/ I have an assessment coming up with mental health team but am considering cancelling it as I don't want social services involved again. I can't cope with the stress. I just feel there is no light at the end of the tunnel and I'm screwing my kids up on the way.

I had to go to the crisis team today, I have BPD and constantly have breakdowns. I feel awful as a person and have a toddler, I feel so guilty daily😥 I totally get you and I hope things work out for you. Mental health really is the biggest challenge! I'm waiting to go on meds and more therapy 😩

Lozxx I'm sorry you are going through a tough time. I am feeling a bit better today. Am going to talk to the doctor and see if she can help with my antidepressant as I don't want to have a formal assessment. I just had s moment of madness, I don't want to die, it would destroy my children and family. We just need s bit of help and support. Kids are hard but when you add in mr the health problems sometimes it's impossible. Do you have help? I couldn't cope without my mum xx

Hi OP.

This doesn’t sound like Bipolar to me, but more like Emotionally unstable personality disorder?

Things that make me think this:

Wanting to be admitted to hospital
Self harm
Short term extreme emotional changes over hours/days

Bipolar would be more:
Weeks of inappropriately high mood with/without psychosis
Loss of insight
Not wanting to be admitted
Followed by period of depression

Why don’t you have a read around EUPD, and see if it fits. There’s lots of help available, and medications will not help as it’s not a ‘chemical imbalance’ but rather a difficulty managing emotions.

Well 2 psychiatrists agree it's bipolar and up until 8 weeks ago I was stable for months?!

My episodes usually have a week of mania followed by weeks of depression. I think this may have been a reaction to my depression not a manic episode. I have spoke to the dr about personality disorder and Altho I fit some of the criteria bipolar fits better and this had been happening since my 20's. Of course I could have both.

I haven’t experienced suicidal thoughts but have read that quite a few people who have been diagnosed with Bipolar gave, I really urge you to seek the help from the Crisis team, their psychiatrists have more knowledge about the medication they can prescribe. Of course every psychiatrist is different and I have received different treatment from different doctors. Some of these psychiatrists didn’t really listen to my concerns but others did and offered alternatives. I asked to wait for the consultant as I considered his advice to be better. I didn’t realise he was the consultant but when I saw him he said he was as he’d been promoted.
I have also received good maintenance treatment from my doctor although it was better when I went back to the same doctor for this.