Bi polar episode

[worriedmamma12]

Had a bipolar episode yesterday. Drank alcohol after several months sober and got myself in a state. Ended up cutting myself, trying to cut my wrists and attempting to take pills. My daughter heard me say I wanted to die and was very upset. She has also seen the cuts and is worried. My mum took me to the hospital as I felt so suicidal. They have referred me to the crisis team. I have only been diagnosed for a year and I know it takes time to get the meds right and find ways to cope but I just do t know what else I can do. I run 3x a week, I have counselling, I go to the gp every 6 weeks, I have supportive parents, 2 lovely kids and a few close friends. I don't know what else to do, I'm so tired, tired of fighting, tired of living, tired of feeling like a terrible mother and tired of being a mess. My children deserve better and I just want to be normal.

I have bipolar two rapid cycling though lamotrigine has helped they feel I may need an antidepressant change as I've been on 200mg sertraline for six years and it may not be as effective. I totally relate to you sometimes I feel why me why can't I feel normal I also have ocd and mine is horrible intrusive thoughts they come and make me feel dreadful depressed the lot. I have an emergency appt with the psych next Thursday hugs to all

Sertraline made my manic episodes more frequent and worse- the duloxetine has helped and they have now doubled my lamotrogine to see if it helps. My ex has finally agreed to take the kids until Tuesday night to give me a break (all be it reluctantly!) but I am finding it hard to relax and not worry. My daughter likes to talk and even though she has promised me and her nanna she won't tell her dad about my self harm etc I'm still worried she might. Also concerned as he is still planning to work and is getting his mum to do a lot the childcare- she is not very good at keeping an eye on them and I worry something may happen. Also struggling to not drink to make this awful depression go away :-(