Online chat groups for borderline personality disorder.

[Strugglingmum23]

Hi everyone, recently diagnosed with bpd and I’ve been trying to find a good online chat group, an app, a befriended or something that might help. I think talking to someone that can relate and that I can asks questions would really help so I wondered if any of you know of or have used anything that you think would be suitable. Thanks guys.

There’s a few pages on Facebook but I find them actually quite unhelpful because if a few people in a bad place are posting it tends to have a domino effect. Plus those of us with BPD can be quite irritating sometimes

Have you considered starting a support thread here? I’m sure there are quite a few of us on here.

I am interested in this. There is a distinct lack of support groups for bpd.

I have BPD too. I agree with @NotUmbongoUnchained in that actually it's not always helpful to join BPD groups because they can be very negative and competitive.

Does your mental health service offer a personality disorder service, dialectical behaviour therapy etc?

I have BPD and have been in psychodynamic therapy for the past 19 months.

I've joined a large american mental health forum, that does have a BPD sub group but I don't post there, but more so on a couch thread in another sub group where we post daily check ins and mainly just chat about oreos. You could PM me if you want that website- we could also talk here. I found having my online friends really does help.There was another previous thread here on mumsnet but it died out.

I would recommend these books If you haven't already had a look:

I Hate You ‑ Don't Leave Me.
Get Me Out of Here: My Recovery.
The Dialectical Behavior Therapy skills workbook by Matthew McKay.

That you all for your replies. I was expecting my post not to get any replies and you all replying has made me feel like I'm not alone.

I was diagnosed about 8 months ago, I was offered to go on a 12 week programme called steps but as I work different shifts every week I couldn't get the same day off every week to go, I also didn't feel very comfortable at the thought of going to a group which started a meltdown in itself. So I was told I will be put on the 1-1 register but likely won't see anyone for atleast a year, and the will be lucky to get 1 appointment every 6 months.

When I went to my assessment I was expecting to get diagnosed with something and then be given medication to help me manage it so when I was told it was bpd and then they explained they don't give medication and there isn't much they can do to help I was totally devastated and felt totally helpless and like what is the point of carrying on if I'm just going to feel like this.
8 months later and I still feel like that.

But I've realised that I'm not alone with bpd and figure if someone else could help me then I could probably help someone else to just by listening and being there for someone and having someone that understands all the stuff that other people don't understand. So that's why I've started looking but it's like hitting a brick wall when I don't find much.

I will defo have a look at those books. And any websites are worth a try I think.

I think I need to get a bit more tech savvy and start a group or something or download an app to add anyone that is looking for the same kind of thing as me. Online friends seems like the best thing for me. Can log out of it gets too much. And having people there for each other but being online means they can't get close enough for me to back off or to mess things up with my bpd attitude.

Thank yous for taking the time to read my mentalness.

How are you doing now?

There's also the documentry back from the edge which is on youtube. Which is very good.

One thing i found helpful was learning my triggers and

how to calm and soothe myself down.

Sorry also: Having A Life Worth Living - Dr Aguirre's Insights on Borderline Personality Disorder.

I was diagnosed with complex ptsd and BPD after 2 failed suicide attempts, one that left me in an induced coma with no brain activity, I was put on lithium this has helped stabilise my mood and I don't feel suicidal I'm also on an antisyhcotic for my anger, and an antidepressant. So there is medication for bpd. I know it's hard but you have to fight for help for bpd it took me 2 years. Xx

Thank you, this helps a lot to hear people are getting medication, I know I need something but they tell me there is nothing so knowing this can give me tho motivation to push them for something.
Sorry to hear of some of what you are going through, I hope you are finding it easier. And being strong enough to share and help others is great.

There is this one:

www.healthfulchat.org/

I think it is based in the US but there are plenty of UK and Canada users as well. There are rooms for many mental health issues.

I just found this discussion. I was just diagnosed with bpd a few months ago and I haven't handled it well. Just reading this brief discussion helped. I am going to buy all three of those books. Thank you for sharing.

Strugglingmum23 - I too have BPD and am often looking for support, without a great deal of success unfortunately. I have found a great vlog series on YouTube called RecoveryMum - woman based in U.K. talks about her own experiences with BPD. I’m quite surprised you haven’t been offered meds - I’ve had to try to stop them giving them to me!! I’ve been offered antidepressants as well as antipsychotic meds - I’m not currently medicated at all as hate side effects n the thought of being on medication made me feel worse. If you feel that you need them though then I’d ask for another opinion. I’m about to start psychotherapy - kind of feeling like this is my last shot at getting help. BPD is a tough diagnosis to take on, often things you will read and hear can be very negative and hopeless. I’d be happy to join a new dedicated thread here if there was enough interest? Good luck with it all x

It rubbish that medication isn't given! I take three different kinds to help with my symptoms!

Hello all,

I don't have BPD, but I suspect my wife has BPD, NPD or HPD. I'm basically posting this out of desperation because I am worried about how my wife's outbursts are effecting our son. I've went through the list of symptoms for the above personality disorders and my wife checks nearly all of the boxes....some to an extreme degree.

Our son just turned 13 and recently opened up to family memeber about her anger and outbursts. I guess he feels he can't speak to me about it but I plan to let him know I understand why and that he can.

I won't list every anecdotal experience, I'll just say that the lives of my son an I are nothing but walking on egg shells hoping not to set her off. He let our family member know that the reason he stays in his room is to avoid setting her off. When she does lose it on him, she doesn't stop until his confidence is destroyed. I stop it re-divert it when I can but can't do it all of the time.

I have not idea what to or who to talk to. I fear divorce is on the horizon and fear I will be forced to leave my son to experience this alone....I'm desperate.

Hi creative dad, I know there are lots of support groups on Facebook for families of people with Personality disorders.
I hope you find some support soon, I have been in the same situation, best advice I can give is boundaries and looking after yourself!

Evening Creative Dad

The fact you have posted about your wife just proves how much you love her and your son. Rejection and abandonment are my triggers, this is when I am explosive and confrontational. The only way I can explain feeling is like I am possessed. Your health is just as important, all the best x

Pleased I'm not alone with BPD I hate it wish it would go away

I think my DSD has BPD. She's 15, she has bizzare emotional reactions to the slightest thing, screaming, crying, violent outbursts, usually with objects (throwing, breaking things)

It can last for hours. last night she left her TV on and fell asleep - it woke her dad up so he went into her room to turn it off, left her light on and she totally lost it - screaming, smashing things. She could have said " oops sorry I fell asleep" and got up to turn her own light off but she just couldn't stop screaming. Not a normal reaction at all.

One of our neighbours called the police and she screamed at them too - we had to ask them to leave as they just made it worse. This was at 4am. She eventually calmed down by 5am

She's gone to her grandparents for tea and they have also had to call the police as she was abusive towards her Nan. The police have now suggested CAMHs but I know that can take weeks.

She's meek and mild at school, very bright and her teachers love her. She's in the middle of her GCSES which isn't great timing.

We're thinking of paying for counselling but reading your posts maybe we need to go to the doctors as a first step.

It is my understanding that there are currently no evidenced- based medications approved for treating BPD. Some medical providers may treat the symptoms but as all of us with BPD know, our symptoms can change daily, sometimes multiple times in a day. Therefore doctors rightfully do not like to treat for black out rage, then anxiety, then depression, etc etc. Most people who go the med route spend years building up then weaning off multiple meds and the side effects are unbearable. My therapist who has a PHD and LCSW, tells me therapy is the best option. I have had weekly sessions for about 4 months and usually i would come home and by 6pm I would become unhinged bc opening up and being honest about how much u hate yourself and everyone else too but feel lonely.. you know what i mean- well admitting that stuff caused me to totally lose my mind. Friday my therapist told me that she respects me bc she knows how much i hurt and struggle yet I still move forward. Those words changed my life. BPD has no " look". Not a broken bone in a cast, no severed limbs, no limp, etc. So people assume that we should just act " normal" which im sure we all try to do but its exhausting, confusing, and plain sucks! Lol. This Fri night i did not come unhinged for first time. I feel incredible. I guess I just needed to hear that at least 1 person in the world " gets me". Therapy is slow but I feel hopeful.

Hi,
Did you get a group for this? I dont use Facebook but could if needed. Been a but hard for me.

Thanks

I have BPD and I feel more lost than ever, I'm taking meds and doing therapy, I guess i'm just trying to connect and talk to people that can probably understand. I'm loosing my partner over this, i feel so sad and lost while writing this, i don't really have anyone to talk about this, i don´t know anyone whith BPD, where I live, there's a lot of tabu with mental disorders.

@Lostgirl25

I have BPD and I feel more lost than ever, I'm taking meds and doing therapy, I guess i'm just trying to connect and talk to people that can probably understand. I'm loosing my partner over this, i feel so sad and lost while writing this, i don't really have anyone to talk about this, i don´t know anyone whith BPD, where I live, there's a lot of tabu with mental disorders.

There are numerous groups on Facebook for people with BPD, but like has been mentioned, they can be very negative places. My therapist was always dead against them, although I did make friends in them too. You just have to be careful with them.

I met other people with BPD via group therapy (although sometimes there are rules about befriending people during the therapy). Also, various mental health charities run their own groups... might be just a coffee & chat group, or a particular activity such as gardening or crafts. I also met several fab friends that way, some with BPD too.

Sorry things are tough right now

Thank you so much for reading me, and the advices, I went online on facebook and found this BPD group of womans only, i join in, and hopefully I can make friends to talk, I'll make sure to be carefull. Also i'll try to discuss all of this in my therapy

@Lostgirl25

Thank you so much for reading me, and the advices, I went online on facebook and found this BPD group of womans only, i join in, and hopefully I can make friends to talk, I'll make sure to be carefull. Also i'll try to discuss all of this in my therapy

That is a good plan to keep your therapist in the loop. Many people in BPD groups are not seeing a therapist so they can cling on to people that are, or are further along in their recovery. They can drag you down... hence being careful. I hope you find the groups helpful x

Hi there,

Whilst currently in the progressing stages of a BPD diagnosis. After 25 years of struggles, and misdiagnosis of disorders and mental illnesses that shared similarities to my symptoms, however, nothing has accurately fitted my symptoms emotionally, physically and physiologically such as BPD. And all those involved in my care agree this also.

Having finally found some relief to have a diagnosis and a true identification and “belonging” to the diagnosis. Having researched the disorder extensively. And coming across many negative and critical representations of the disorder. Added with the statistics of life expectancy, quality of life (not only for the individual with BPD but those around us), suicide rates (1 in 10 of those with BPD commit suicide). It’s quickly become a bigger nightmare than I could have imagined.

Whilst those around me can now have some kind of understanding and guide on what my diagnosis is and how it can manifest. I’m still struggling to relate to people and truly feel like my diagnosis is understood. This being because, whilst there is a broad range of mental health problems diagnosed in my family. None of them have BPD. And whilst I love my family and partner for trying their best. Their is still this feeling of misunderstanding I can get over.