Why won't they admit me?

[mrsbounceisflat]

I have had a particularly stressful several months and for the past 2 weeks have been struggling even more. I have several diagnoses, and I know I must be bad because I actually want admitting. It scares me to be admitted but at least I will know I am safe. So why won't they listen?

Sorry to hear you’re struggling mrsbounceisflat. Have you asked the CMHT why they won’t admit you? As only they will have the answer.

People are rarely admitted voluntarily these days. If you want to be admitted, you know something is wrong and want to engage with help. Which means you can be helped in the community at home.

They've always refused to admit me. And then told me off when I try to commit suicide because I should've asked for help.
Unfortunately I always seem to be either too well, or not well enough, to get help.

They don't feel it would be helpful for me to be admitted. The CMHT on the whole have been great but no support out of hours or at weekends.
I feel like it's a conspiracy against me and that they don't believe I'm suicidal.

I understand what you mean, it's so frustrating. I haven't engaged with the crisis contingency plan because they told me I couldn't be suicidal if I wanted admitting, so they tool me off their books.

I am really sorry you are struggling. The practice moved with the evidence and with cuts away from in-patient admissions, or respite/retreat based treatment for depression. For too many people it just was not helpful in the long term. In many ways it is a shame, but it is true that in the long term being home and overcoming problems at home is the aim of the game.

Remember, NHS 111 and A&E are for mental health too, so if you get to a point at the weekend where you don’t feel you can keep yourself safe you can contact them. See your GP whenever you need to. In the meantime, do engage or self-refer to any service that’s available and try to work to take steps to getting better. Contact third sector services that support mental health, like Mind and Rethink, to see if there is anything in your community that can help you.

I contacted 111 a couple of weeks ago and they sent me to A and E to see the psychiatric liaison team. All they can do is listen, there is no answers and no way forward.

I’m sorry you’re in that position OP. It’s so hard when you’re struggling and it seems people aren’t listening.

I think part of the problem is beds, and another is environment. They mainly seem to have people who’ve lost capacity to make decisions in hospital these days. If you’re able to talk coherently they see it as up to you to access help in the community when needed. However, what are you meant to do if there is no one there in the evening or at weekends? Do they not have a crisis team you can call?

I'm not under the crisis team so can't phone them. I've just spent an hour trying to get through to a helpline but they're permenantly engaged, and are only open until 10.30.
I really am at a loss of what to do, with I will speak to the duty worker at the CMHT tomorrow, if I can get through the night.
My husband won't take me to A and E because he says it's pointless, hey won't do anything.

In our area you only have to be under the CMHT to call the crisis team, are you sure they wouldn’t speak to you?

Otherwise there is the Samaritans. I know they can’t do anything, but sometimes it helps to talk.

No the crisis team won't speak to you unless you're under them. Phoned the CMHT this morning they've not phoned back. Why won't anybody help me?
Have an appointment with my CPN on Thursday, so I suppose that's something.
On my own in the house at the moment for an hour, the first time I've been on my own for 2weeks have to really concentrate on keeping myself safe.

You can keep yourself safe. Suicidal thoughts are thoughts not actons. Lots of people live with suicidal thoughts. My daughter does. I'm not saying it's easy, it's really really hard and I wish you weren't going through this.

Can you you a local suicide help line now for support? It will help to talk to someone.

Someone will be home in an hour. Make a cup of tea and eat something. It will pass the time.

Google ways to keep yourself safe. There are some good videos on you tube. My daughter finds them useful.

Take care of yourself. This can get better xxx

Well I kept myself safe, that is what I keep doing, but for how long. I know I won't last the distance. Thanks for everyone's support.

Well done! Hopefully you will get support at the meeting with your CPN on Thursday.

Hugs, I lived with suicidal ideation for 2 full years. Absolutely horrible. It finally took ECT for to break my depression, anti psychotics and mood stablisers and anti depressants.

I have to say I spent a lot of time in and out of hospital when i was late teens / early 20s, over about 7 years i spent more time in than out.

The crisis team here is the same as your area you can't access them unless you are "admitted" under them. We are given numbers for the duty worker in mh dept, a helpline service and OOH GP to call who can put us thro to someone in MH. They talk to you more than anything and can feel from the word go, they want off of the phone.

I have a CPN I see monthly and a psych who i see roughly 6 monthly. I also have contact with a specialist service for my diagnosis who can offer me courses but due to my physical health, i cant engage and attend every session so I get discharged from the courses. It's so frustrating.

Have you asked for a medication review? Have a look at the attachment I added to this post, (((hugs))) to you, its really hard. It seems like no light at end of tunnel but hold on as best you can.

Do you have a crisis plan at all? Have you ever been offered WRAP? Sorry for all the questions.

Remember you have the Samaritans who can support you as well and will actively listen to you or just be with you down the phone.

I had to go find the attachment as a jpeg as I had it saved as a pdf file so here it is

You must be under secondary mh care if you have a cpn?
In my area you can’t have cpn or support worker unless your in secondary mh.

So like me who suicidal like you, I too have nobody other than Gp
Been toa&e twice told me to take Diazepam and make appt with Gp
Crisis team won’t speak to you, not under there care.

They each past the book(your life)
Then they tell you to go to charities like Mind etc who are worse of than nhs because there dealing with there patients.

The nhs mh is on its arse,

Can I suggest a couple of other things? The depression self care checklist is good, it keeps you doing things at a easy pace and so will help distract your mind from how you are feeling, it wont take it away by any means but it will help pass the time as you go thru it cinnamonsunrise.com/blog/depression-self-care-checklist/

Do you have a self care kit to help you take extra special care of yourself during these times? You deserve to be treated extra kind esp to yourself.
themighty.com/2017/10/what-do-i-put-in-self-care-kit-mental-health/

@granadagirl yes I've had a psychiatrist since I was 14 and im 43 next month. The specialist team is there but at a distance, I've had psychology input, liaison psychs, CBT. I was also offered a flat in supported housing (i turned it down as I had a month in it as an alternative to hospital and hated it).

I have been hospitalised so many times I stopped counting admissions after 30 admissions, my average stay at one point was roughly 6 months. It's 3 years since I was last in which was 2 weeks long.

I also went off and did a level 3 course in community MH care and care in the community and worked with people with severe and enduring mental ill health, those who were homeless and those with addictions ranging from street drugs, legal highs, prescription medication, gambling, narcotics and alcohol. Also did an HND in care alongside it as wanted to go to uni and train as a psych nurse, I had my place which I deferred for a year for family reasons but then had to let go.

I still had some admissions when I was working and was treated on the same ward as some of my clients. I would still be doing that job i would like to think only my physical health let me down.

I was given the CPN (as a key worker) back in 1999 when I was sectioned after going in as a voluntary admission and leaving after 2 days and going to make an attempt, not my finest moment as I majorly melted down.

I've had either a CPN or ASW since from the MH side, now since physical health went too, I have an SW from the physical side who is also an ASW.

Thanks for the resources. I have had a psychiatrist for 15 years and thankfully am due to see them in a couple of weeks. I would like to come off all my medication because at times like this I can't see that it is helping, therefore in my mind it must be that that is making me ill. I know deep down that's not rational but one of the many thoughts I battle with.
My physical health is not great at the moment either and I am undergoing investigations to try and see what's going on there.
I've been relying on diazepam for the past couple of weeks to get me through the days and make sure I get out most days which is not bad considering I had agoraphobia up to 6 months ago.
I do feel my family would be better off without me because I just drag them down. My 14 year old so also has depression and anxiety which I feel responsible for.

Can I ask how you managed to still have psych 25 years later?
When I was really poorly I had one and also support worker and could ring crisis line
But
Once feeling better they were all taken away

Just wondering how some can still have there’s years later
Mine won’t even see me again, even after gp asking twice. See just said up meds to 225mg

@mrsbounceisflat Your physical health also affects your MH and vice versa and it can be stressful in itself not to mention time-consuming trying to work out what is wrong and what may or not help treatment wise.

You are not responsible for your 14 yr olds depression or anxiety as like yourself they haven't chosen to have them and they are individual illnesses. It must be hard to see your DC with those conditions and hope they are getting support via CAHMs and other services. It is however up to you to help them access the help and support they need as a result of this.

Can you phone the psychiatrist secretary and ask for any cancellations that come up before your planned appointment.

"I would like to come off all my medication because at times like this I can't see that it is helping, therefore in my mind, it must be that that is making me ill. I know deep down that's not rational but one of the many thoughts I battle with."

I can only say from my own personal experience as I have done this several times as "rebelling" against the MH system. Each time I became iller than before and ended up in the hospital for longer periods while I was stabilized again. I also had the times when meds because ineffective as the body and brain can and does bring some tolerance to them, the taper down, clear days off them and then the introduction of new medication. It took years to get a possible combination that allowed me to function a bit.

Well done, on getting out as much as possible and beating agoraphobia as recent as 6 months ago, you are really kicking mental illness ass!!

No guilt tripping from me as some professionals do re family. I am sure you dont drag them down as they are probably worried about you and would like to see you come this and help and support you.

An exercise for you, take a sheet of paper, to work out your understanding people and who you can turn too in bad times or crisis.

Add phone numbers/ emails / social media contacts for each person in a list once you have worked out who your support people are. I usually use a copybook for this purpose and give each category a separate page or 2 if needed

• draw a small circle write your first name,
• the larger circle inside it name your OH and any children, this is your immediate circle,
• also included any pets who you love and brings you comfort
• another larger circle your parents/in-laws, sisters/brothers, SIL / BIL.
• Friends - not from work or past education
• Work colleagues / College friends who are in touch with
• Friends from church or similar if you attend on, some have volunteers who help support people who are going thru a difficult time,
• List of helpline numbers - what time they are open (if needed), specific topics, 24/7 helplines

and soft hugs

@granadagirl I am ridiculously difficult to medicate (which we know now why) but in the beginning lots of meds were having opposite effects than they should have, I have been through ridiculous lists of medications over the years at doses which have scared my then GP and he expected to flatten me but had effect whatsoever despite the proof I was taking them (as was at outpatient MH service and 1 of the nurses supervised me taking 3 doses a day while I was there_

By 2005, I had been on most of what was suitable for me at that stage and I needed a meds change but consultant didn't have any options left, so I did my own research and brought a new drug info back to him which he got funding for and I was on it for over 2 years, till had to change to another due to severe side effects.

In 2010, I was prescribed a second antidepressant which has helped to some extent as things were really low and had nowhere else to turn medication wise as was already on the top dosage of mood stabilizer, antipsychotic and top dose of morning antidepressant, so a nighttime antidepressant was added. Those combinations have helped over a number of years now but I am starting to come off the mood stabilizer (new NICE guidelines) as of tomorrow and it will be changed out for something else.

The main blip I had a couple of years ago, I made a serious attempt on my life, much to my despair at the time I survived, I'm really glad I did now. My antidepressant had been messed about with earlier in the year, which lead to several weeks of my prepared dossette underdosing me one day and overdosing me the next.

I also had a “care” agency based on my physical health needs who were seriously emotionally abusive so much that I dreaded every call, 4 times a day so the depression was largely situational exacerbated by the meds mess up which had gone unnoticed for about 6 weeks.

Because I had so much problems medication wise the GP isn't in a position to help deal with them as the majority of them fall outside her remit and are caused by the MH medications and due to seriousness of them, needs advice (Duty worker if CPN off as she is P/T, CPN who will arrange appointment depending on symptoms or a couple of times just called an ambulance),

I've had acute dystonia reactions, Akathisia, Parkinson like symptoms, hyperprolactinemia and mastitis caused by milk despite not being pregnant (top soaked in less than 30 mins despite breast pads), suspected serotonin syndrome a couple of times amongst other things.

So I'm guessing the reason I'm on the psychiatrist “books” for so long is because when my body gets used to a medication, or it turns against me and adds loads of fun/not fun side effects to feck with me, the GP doesn’t have the knowledge to deal with it and referring back via the processes in the time it would take to do that, it would be too late.

So when known to the team, it means even if main Drs are off, there is still current notes on what helps or doesn’t.

Also due to physical health, I have spells where I hit a shut down depression so neurologist includes psychiatrist in the team meetings as its a holistic approach.

The home treatment team can become involved with me when needed but I'm usually against them but the option is usually that or being taken to the hospital and sectioned so I go with the lesser option and avoid sectioning.

Rough guess by saying up meds to 225mg - Effexor - is probably your antidepressant

How are you today? @mrsbounceisflat

Good luck with your appointment tomorrow

Thanks again smurfy, I am in the process of doing a well being and recovery plan with the O.T. Slightly different format but has who to contact, who not to contact, crisis signs, what I need to do to keep well etc..
I had a better day yesterday saw CPN this morning which was positive and then received a letter from the GP regarding another abnormal blood result which sent me rapidly spiralling. Husband phoned GP and managed to get me appointment for tomorrow instead of 2weeks because they understand how it's effecting me.
Nearly drank beer today, I have been dry 10 years due to alcoholism, so will speak to the GP about that. I really am In self sabotage mode.
I'm probably going to stay at my mums for the night this weekend to give myself a break from home and my family a break from me.
I may have to come off the antipsychotics I'm on because they could be the cause of my physical health problems, will find out more in the next couple of days. Only a couple of weeks until I see the psychiatrist so he'll be able to support me with that.

@mrsbounceisflat good to see you are holding on in there, I am only catching up now as Thurs & Fri ended up with 2 trips to a&e which finally got sorted.

Glad the CPN appointment went well. The blood results can really throw us cant it? There is just so many things to sort out, it's very overwhelming

To have been sober for so long is a fantastic achievement!!! Don't worry if the cravings / or actual relapse happens (if you have taken a drink), there are ups and downs and none of us is perfect and you have a hella of a fab track record. Do you do AA? or the steps

I can understand going to your mums for a night, it gives her a chance to care for you (and support you), it also means your husband can go out / relax at home and not worry about you as you are safe. It means your mum can also shower you in love as she did when you were a child

I can totally get the physical conditions of antipsychotic side effects, personally, I've had an overload of serotonin by being prescribed several serotonin meds at the same time, I was hospitalised over this but can't recall a lot of it

parkinson like symptoms shaking / uncontrollable eye rolling/jerks and extreme restlessness and (this is treated PRN when needed)

rhabdomyolysis (this was found and treated early with no lasting effects)

Would you consider a different antipsychotic, some have fewer side effects and it is worth knowing exactly what you want/need when you do see the psychiatrist.

I have a couple of pics might make sense to you, Il post them as soon as i find them