peace

[cantgetasecondspeace]

ther is no SPACE anywhere in the fucking UNIVERSE for me to BE without fucking interruptions!"!!!!!

i just want some peace. is that too much to ask?

get a lock for the bathroom door. Get some headphones.

Have a bath, with door locked and headphones on. They may shout, they may bang, doesn't matter, you won't hear them.

am bawling my pathetic stupid eytes out.

there is not bathroom door. no locks on any doors here.
and no-one would let me get away with headphones.

dp just spoke to me like im a cunt again.

a selfish fucking cunt who demands space all the time.
yeah RIGHT

apols for language. feeling rough.

(((((((((((_))))))))))

Go out, take phone but switch it off (for emergencies only).

Go for a long drive, walk, play some loud music, or have absolute silence.

Make yourself some space.

just go out

anywhere, to a friends or just to sit in the car in silence, if that is what you need

sorry you are having a rough time

the demands of a family can be relentless at times, and everyone is entitled to me time

wabbit, squonk, kitty, vvv, lulu...
thank you .
i get so isolated at times. thank you for being there.

sorry i went quiet. dp came in and demanded i speak to him about it. he listened tho. a rarity it feels, but he did.

i'll be right as rain in no time btw. so no need to worry... and i dont usually, but ill slip a sneaky kiss on cheek to each of you to show how much i appreciate... being listened to.
ta.

i know it sounds trite, but there is always someone here when you feel

hope today is a better day x

hey, wabbit - I'll have one if you've got any spare

that room and zorb thing looks hilarious lapin! i so need to do that....
and another parachute jump. that was goot for de-stressing

watched Peter Gabriel zorb around stage several times over the last few years.

It looks like fantastic fun

you know wha i realised just now, while sitting in dark rom waiting for ds1&2 to go to sleep? that all the issues wehave all been busily telling ourselves are the cause of my stress are not it... that there really is nothing in my life which is a real cause of stress.... apart from the awful unmentionable, deeply denied suspicion... that dp and i are fundamentally incompatible and that we have not really got a future.
on so many levels...

i am ashamed that a part of my trepidation about this line of thought is that i am totally fiancially dependent on dp. and that i couldnt in amillion years earn enough to have anything like the level of freedom i have today (well... i say that. what i mean is the level of freedom i should have given how much support we can and do afford. for some unknown reason i dont actually seem to have any such thing. have been out of an evening, with or without dp, ONCEsince novemvber.)

feel like im carrying this great hideous weight around... this awful truth that, were it not for the babies... we would, without doubt, not be together now.
how on earth di i get myself here?

May be you're depressed and therefore seeing your relationship in a bad light and if you weren't depressed you wouldn't rather than it being the other way round.

i dunno.
depressed? no, i dont think so. have been horribly entrenched in depression before... and this doesnt feel like that. then again... theres a lot of stuff i dont say... and not saying stuff, for me, just turns it in on myself and makes it a monster. when maybe its just a little thing...

why do i think we wouldnt be together ? b/c its too hard. we've been together now 5 times longer than ive ever been with anyone... and maybe im just incapable of that? sounds bloody stupid... but possible.
i feel like he doesnt respect me (tho, when he says he does, i believe him) i feel like... we dont have enough in common. he is much more conservative than i am, much more uptight and unmovable about some things - set in his ways i guess, whereas i am relaxed and flexible and laid back (er, apart from being so obviously stressed out that i am swearing at innanimate objects for being 'difficult' and my nails, inc toes (ew) are bitten right down...)

he wont socialise with my family/friends... or anyone much. he disaproves of so much of my pre-him life...

he says i love you all the time and im so sick of hearing it and thinking 'yeah right.'

i say, and he agrees, that we should get out more, even just for a few hours, much more than we do... and we have endless babysitting possibilities now, but it never happens.

and you know what? im scared all the things i am busy NOT saying to him will get in the way of saying much of anything even if we do.

we had a big blow-up a few weeks back... and he said all these things to me; that we are not compatible, that it will never work, that he cant understand why i want to know the people i want to know (ie the people i grew up with)... he is from such a different background than i... hes 16 years older then me... he promised then that we would go to relationship counselling, even if it was to negotiate a good and amicable split... but now he wont entertain notion, and we have swept mention of thoughts this could be 'it' under the carpet...

should it be this hard?

i feel deeply disloyal in typing all this. am hoping i am incognito enough that he never ever finds it... hes deeply private.

Welcome to the story of my life.

Why don't you go to Relate on your own just to talk to someone about it which might help you decide if you want to stay with him or not?

But the first post about wanting peace etc reads more like depression than incompatibility with a partner.

Oops, I only read the OP